Reginald lamented the passing of moustache wax, he truly did. —Paul Roub  |
| Tonight on the Al-Qaeda Senior Tour, members attempt to drive a pontoon boat into the Mercantile Exchange, with hilarious results. (repeat) —agent orange |
| Mr. Moby, I just asked for an autograph. Please stop hugging me. —William Wayne Webb |
| For those long voyages, remember to pack an extra Asian child. —Torc. (first self-salvage attempt of the new era) |
| Ed was mortified when he realized that an asian lamprey had been brazenly attached to his scalp for the duration of the tour. —Lloyd |
| To ensure the survival of his faith, the Dalai Llama travelled the world, budding off clones in every major country. —Magus |
| Preliminary tests of the Thunderbox proved ineffectual at combating the growing problem of Bartertown jaywalking. —Lloyd |
| Tom knew he was stoned, but was still fairly confident this was not the Amsterdam canal cruise he had been promised. —dALY |
| "Say George, what do you think that cloud looks like?" "Dear, that's the library." —Zach the Conqueror |
| Gosh, I don?t know, they?re all so cute. I think maybe I?ll take the one at the back. Do you sell leashes too? —Nyder |
| At the next stop, the Shirtorium quickly sold out of "I'm with Stupid." —Torc. |
| Little did anyone realize Abe Vigoda's secret of everlasting youth was the blood of Malaysian children. —Dumpster |
| With Gertrude peacefully oblivious, the pair of brain-sucking homunculi continued to eat away at Geoffrey's head, and his patience. —wuxia otter |
| Bill would have enjoyed the tour more if not for the little bastard who kept kissing the back of his head. —rudy |
| As the polymer-eating bacteria finished dissolving the boat's canopy, Akbar knew it would only be moments before they got to his hairpiece ... and his date would know the horrid truth! —Riff - Aaaaaand we're back |
| From CBS' new comedy Mujibar in the Middle! —Riff - Aaaaaand we're back |
| "Cold day...low tourist season...man, I'll never sell this kid." —Torc. |
| "Dang, Magda, you are to be getting feeling of watched being?" —Doctor X (Yeah, my first few'll be rusty.) |
| Fred sat patiently, desperately trying to conceal his excitement. He had successfully smuggled a toddler onboard, and now all he had to do was wait for his chance to make Houston Transit Authority history. —memo |
| "Can I interest you fine folks in some of my signature beef-on-a-stick? What's that? Oh... Oh. I see." —Maus |
| Though a noticeable decrease in drag was measured, it was decided after this test run that the final bullet train design should have walls and a ceiling. —Ron |
| Welcome to Twentieth Century World! Above your head, you'll see what we used before cable television was invented. —The Mad Puffin |
| Aunt Tilly, still perplexed as to why they'd fill a perfectly good fortune cookie with a foul tasting piece of paper. —rudy |
| Hunter S. Thompson, in his prank-du-gras, had been planning to throw a small child at Dame Edna for years. —Deathbyvegas |
| After the vampire explained his dietary difficulties to the cruise director, a suitable alternative to the peanut packet was found. —Bosch |
| "Step 1: Feed child Pop Rocks, Alka Seltzer and root beer. Step 2: throw child." Roger suspected his copy of "The Anarchist's Cookbook." —Ryan |
