"No, it's 2003. We have to go to Turkey if we want to buy beer today." —Torc.  |
| Abdul proves he is the richest man in the village by getting a pane of plexiglass in his window. —Zach the Conqueror |
| "Yes, but I expect it will be much better after the crew from Trading Spaces gets here." —Redlaura (Why do I even try?) |
| "... you cut the captions off the bottom of the cartoons, and write your own. A man in green will collect your work in one week - and remember, the big dog is Barfy, the little dog is Sam. Allah akbar, waleikum salaam, you never met me, I was never here." —zwit (rewriting for caption length) |
| "Yeah, but it's a dry heat." —Orrin |
| Desperate for evidence to prove their WMD claims, U.S. Forces weapons inspectors confiscate Abdul's glow-in-the-dark watch. —Nyder |
| "I'm sorry, but the Honda Civic is explicitly prohibited under U.N. Resolution 1441. Hand it over. Don't make this harder than it has to be." —Nyder (salvaging smj) |
| Damn, I can never remember... does a white turban mean "likes virgins" or "likes vanilla"? Another exciting Saturday night at Baghdad's only gay bar. —Nyder (sui-salvage) |
| "Tan? This is ecru! Now that house back there is tan. No, not that one, the one between the taupe dwelling and the hovel in khaki." —A Grouch |
| "Earthquake proof? Hah! I mix this adobe with the finest camel dung and oxen blood! Of course they're earthquake proof!" —A Grouch |
| Two men, one shack, 48 telephone lines. The phone sex industry finally breaks into Iraq. —gawain |
| No wonder they hate us--that's a Ford Pinto! —smj |
| Shit, when I was looking to buy a house, this is the best realtor.com could find at my price point, too. —smj |
| "Man, Detroit hasn't changed a bit since I was last here!" —Nyder |
| "My eyes are up here, Ankur! For the love of Allah, we go veil-less for three days and nobody can take their eyes off my neck." —dALY |
| It took a ferocious war and a long campaign to reform a backwards and poorly educated populace but some parts of Alabama are taking tentative steps into the modern era. —Under an Assumed Name |
| "We got cable! Now go find a TV." —Torc. |
| Can I interest you in some vinyl siding? Guaranteed sandstorm proof for 25 years. Here is a brochure and a sample. We also do storm windows and cesspool replacement. —rudy |
| The good news: you finally got your chance to go somewhere exotic, ancient and breathtakingly beautiful. The bad news: your guides Abdul and Omar are bickering over which is cooler, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. —Orrin |
| A Jew and an Arab try to conceal their forbidden love in Jerusalem's latest theaterical smash West Bank Story —sharper (hammering the point home) |
| Microsoft asks you where you want to go today, but it usually ends up being somewhere around here. —anon |
| Dammit, I said I wanted the Fedayeen, not amphetamines. Ahh, fuck it, give me one. Nothing else to do out here. —rudy |
| "So right before I shot him the infidel said 'Can you hear me now?' into this demon's curse they call a 'cell phone'. " —k.a |
| "It's a deal. You can have all my daughters for one air conditioner." —Rasputin |
| "This Pythagoras infidel and his heresies about 'triangles' are intolerable! Go gather the faithful for a stoning." —Rasputin |
| "Abdul's? Yeah, head down this dirt road until you come to a worn-down brown shack. Turn left and go past the two tan shacks, then right past the brown shack. You'll pass three dirty beige shacks, then make another right at the brown shack there. It's about half a block past that, next to the Starbucks. —Torc. |
| "You are so lucky. You've got a computer. You can tell when your internet is down." —Pandemic |
| "...so I said 'Fuck the archeologists! This dig's good enough to live in!', and I moved into the nice split-level overlooking the sand dunes...." —Pandemic |
| "Hey! Don't criticize ME!!! What can I do if the association only allows brown and tan for townhouse colors???" —Pandemic |
| "Well, if you're hungry, we could go to Falafel King, Falafel Hut, International House of Falafel, Falafel in the Box, I Can't Believe It's Falafel, Mr. Falafel, Falafel Bell, KFF, or Cinnabon." —Orrin |
