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For the 2004 election, the Republican Party sent a very clear message to the voters. —fleeb Link for this caption
Don't laugh. He knows 26 different ways to kill a man with just a legal pad and a pencil —Mr. ? Link for this caption
The receptionists are SWAT. You have no idea how many ways the boss can kick your ass. —anon Link for this caption
From Paramount Pictures...and that wacky Mike Judge, creator of King of the Hill...this summer's latest comedy action blockbuster--OFFICE SWAT! Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Tommy Lee Jones, and Stephen Root as the Columbian Drug Kingpin. —Blacknarwhal Link for this caption
"I'm sorry sir but seeing 'Enemy at the Gates' six times on Cinemax doesn't really count as 'previous sniper experience'." —Opie Link for this caption
Most people around the office felt that Marketing were taking their paintball weekends a little too seriously. —Nyder Link for this caption
"I'm sorry, sir, your marksmanship records are excellent, but missed one of the 'neh-neh-neh's in the theme song. Try the Mall Security job fair booth." —Orrin Link for this caption
Finally, Andy realized, the time had come for him to choose between his two career fair alternatives - would he spend his possibly very short life as a member of the exciting SWAT team, or would he live a long and happy life arranging funereal wreaths for beloved pets? —haem Link for this caption
Draconian, sure, but the Nixon Library has the lowest overdue rates in the country —Torc. Link for this caption
Judging from the newest recruits here, it's no wonder they're the "Special" Weapons and Tactics team. —William Wayne Webb Link for this caption
The pulpy remains of Bert behind them on the floor warned the attendees not to take their shirts as a literal invitation. —rudy Link for this caption
Now, why do we need SWAT accountants? —anon Link for this caption
The Last Two Days at Enron —blacknarwhal Link for this caption
It seems like it should be harder to join... —anon Link for this caption
You know, as undercover clothes go, those really aren't very good. —deadcoil (no joke) Link for this caption
"Wow! Look at that dental plan!" —Maciel Link for this caption
Chicago had learned from its past mistakes. Now when the accountants had their conventions, they were watched constantly for any signs of misbehaviour. —Entogal Link for this caption
As they examined Philip's prone body sprawled on the floor, Patti and Warren had to conclude that, no, SWAT team members were not a bunch of sissies. —haem Link for this caption
Damnit , we get to shoot people! Why the hell does Bill from the freakin' water department get more traffic than us? WE GET TO SHOOT PEOPLE DAMNIT! —Avery Link for this caption
"Are those dumb T-shirts your uniform?" "Yes... would you like multiple skull fractures to be yours?" —Zach the Conqueror (salvaging Rasputin) Link for this caption
Well, since we only have one opening left, that means you and Miss Glasses there have to FIGHT TO THE DEATH! —Mr. ? Link for this caption
Job training would include the usual classes; 'Car chases 101', 'Use of guns that don't run out of ammo', 'Fundamentals of bullet evasion', and 'Outrunning explosions'. Once you master that, then comes the advanced classes like 'getting the girl', and 'dealing with the death of your partner, who was two days away from retirement'. —Mr. ? Link for this caption
Well, if that's all that's left of him, I can safely assume he's dead. —Mr. ? Link for this caption
Marksmanship in SWAT teams across the country has improved considerably since they started recruiting live targets. —phil Link for this caption
Nossir, we don't know that either. No, we don't know who you can ask. Or where you can go. Or even what building you're in. We're the staff without adequate training, sir. —Rasputin Link for this caption
Bob and Pam stared at the still-beating heart on the table. "Our most recent apprehendee," said the recruiter. "We've found that the whole handcuffs-and-Miranda routine really didn't put the lid on crime quite the way we wanted it to." —Rasputin Link for this caption
A tight labor market forces law enforcement to ease their hiring standards. "Thank you, sir, and now for the marksmanship test: take this pistol, and when I say go, turn around and put one shot in the oinker in khaki." —Rasputin Link for this caption
The day Nyder realized the PhD thing was just a waste of time. —Stan Xhiao Link for this caption
Ratings rose when John Ashcroft took over "American Idols" and replaced the judges with snipers. —Orrin Link for this caption
Bill? Bill Jenkins? Bill the Eviscerator? It's been what...six years? They only gave you six years? Oh, I'm sorry...were you two dating? —Nekotuxie Link for this caption

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