Unfortunately for Bob, they were married with two kids before he realized someone had painted a picture of Nicole Kidman on the inside of his sunglasses. —anon  |
| Yeeeeeees... finally, the world is one step closer to producing the Whitest Child Ever Conceived. —James Howard |
| It wasn't until after the 13th cup of Schlitz that "Miss Fair Oaks" started looking like "Miss Fair Game". —mcf |
| Sarah handily won the 'Miss Fair Oaks' with her newest invention, the "wooden diaphram". —mcf |
| Envious Jack rubbed the sweet, sweet Miss Fair Oaks ribbon with his thumb, swilling the sour vodka tonic of second place. —mcf |
| Hog Calling Queen and contest judge. Wife and husband. Sister and brother. Sussy and Jim-Bob had a complex relationship. —BA |
| Miss Fair Oaks snuggles her first runner up. Wasn't much of a contest, really. —Rasputin |
| "Yeah? Well I've got an 'Oak' of my own if you wanna..." And, the mace came out. —Destiny |
| That's Mrs. Fair Oaks to you. —sxot |
| An excerpt from the Miss Fair Oaks Training Video: "When posing with complete strangers, politely relocate their hand from your chest to your shoulder. If necessary, occupy their other hand with a beverage of some sort." —haem |
| Strange, I thought they sacrificed themselves to the corn god at age 18..... —k.a |
| Naturally, her evil sister Serena won the Miss Unfair Oaks pageant. —haem |
| Jenny was glad that Uncle Frank at least took his hand off her ass for the newspaper photograph. —BA |
| If you want me to keep smiling, it'll cost you another hundred.... —Destiny |
| Miss Fair Oaks meets Mr. Fair In the Sack. —rudy |
| Bizzare tiara? Check! Ominous shadow? Check! Dorky looking male lead? Check! Man, this is going to be the best no budget H.P. Lovecraft film ever! —Avery |
| Yeah, well, how many contestants DID you expect for the "Miss Hug Alton Brown" pageant? —Weasel Meat and Ligaments |
| First prize: a custom tiara designed by M.C. Escher. —Torc. |
| After working her way through the Miss Very Bad Oaks, and Miss Poor Oaks Pageants, Miss Fair Oaks set her sights on reaching her impossible dream, the Miss Excellent Oaks title. —The Vixen |
| Two men enter! One man, and Miss Fair Oaks, leave! —Nyder |
| Galadriel and Celeborn before the magic of CGI. —anon |
| Winner of the Miss Deadend Service Job pagaent will receive a $20 gift certificate, 3 days off, and a framed photo of herself getting a friendly squeeze from that creepy manager dork with the rotten adenoid breath. —anon |
| See, Honey? I told you "working for world peace" would be be a better answer than "someday ripping the liver out of a live dog." —paavo nurmi |
