IADL #15
(some picture)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

 Agnes tried casting a hex, but the great beast circled the deli case hungrily.... --dua822
 Alice realized something for the first time since taking her job at the deli: Pepperidge Farm really does remember. --Mister Sinister
 Tonight on Prime Time Live: Liposuction, the Mob, and your grocer's deli! Just what is in that fresh pound of headcheese anyway? --Mister Sinister
 After Home Improvement ceased production, actor Earl Hindman had trouble finding work. He was forced to take a number of demeaning service jobs to make ends meet, but always remembered to accent the "hook" that had made him famous. --zedylon 5
 "Soylent Green? No, sorry, we're all out. Try the DFC, two doors down. I hear they've got an `eating' cartoon at the moment." --zedylon 5
 After all the years, all of the government coverups, reams upon reams of World War II documents, and far too many fast food meals, Agent Sculley finally stood face-to-face... with Kilroy. --Paul Roub
 I couldn't stand this deli job much longer. Every day the ghost of Sam Kinneson showed up looking for his missing bandana and a ham sandwich, his haunting screams of "Oh! OH! OOOOOOHHHHHH!" scaring off all my customers. --paTRICK heSTER
 No. I sorry lady. This is Chinese deli. You want dog? We have. You want turkey? You go down the street. --Rich Coughlan
 Junie Mae forced herself to look away. There was no severed head on the counter. How could she let things get to her like that? ...She looked back. Oh, God, it was still there. --Horselover Fat
 The frightened clerk knew the only way to get rid of giantess: toss the meat directly into her gaping maw. --anon
 How'd you like me to run my fingers through your ground chuck? --wicky dude
 Geeze, what are you, an idiot? Only an idiot would keep going to the wrong places asking for the wrong food! For the fifth time this week, lady, we don't serve Big Mac's here! Try Wendy's down the street. They're having a sale on their Whoppers! --Cosmo
 Alice arrived at the deli just in time to catch Paul Williams performing live. --Carlos "javahead" Jones
 Tammy Faye Bakker contemplates just how many pounds of pig fat to buy to give her that nice "shiny look" that she always loves to have. --Stick
 The lighting... umm uh well.. To be honest honey I like you. The lighting hides that rainbow glaze the turkey gets after a day or so. --Kraken
 Ellen just couldn't make herself believe Mme. Clair, the voodoo priestess / meat market cashier, held such enormous power, so she asked for proof. She cooperatively handed Mme. Clair her hankie. The old woman quickly wrapped the kerchief in three week old bologna, then smiled wickedly as she ran it through with a decorative toothpick. The sharp pain in Ellen's side erased her doubt, she swiftly pulled out her checkbook and a used jockstrap. --Kraken
 Though having been in Hell a scant three millenia, Jenna was not afraid of the bakery demon. --Brian Raiter
 It's none of your business why I want a whole salami. Just put it in the bag and hand it over. Oh, and some K-Y jelly, too. --The Lawyer
 I'll sell you the piece I just licked for half price. --el Marko
 For a brief moment, Meatloaf wondered if this would constitute cannibalism. --zeddy-mae
 "Hmmm...I think just a pound of everything should do for today, Marie... no, no, make it two pounds of pig knuckles. Everything else, just a pound." --zeed
 Bernice moved hesitantly to the counter; it appeared that the corpulent woman, to whom Bernice had sold sixteen pounds of dubious potato salad last week, had returned. And she appeared to be spoiling for a fight. --zeed
 "No, you see, the meat in the deli case has been carefully preserved, artfully arranged and carefully lacquered to give it a real "upscale" look, so I can't give you any of that. The real stuff's lying on the floor in the back. Now, you said two pounds of honey-roast turkey, right?" --zeed
 "How fresh is the labrador?" --Blake
 Although not a zombie herself, Dorine really enjoyed the ambience at the Delicatessen of the Living Dead. --Capt. phealy
 Sally watched in horror as the deli clerk made the little figure he called "Boogerman." --Capt. phealy
 Eustashia, mistress of pain in the haunted bakery, cackled madly as the yellow wedge of torment penetrated her victim's skull... --The Sandman
 Behind the butcher case, Mable just knew what next week's special was going to be when the lone, overgrazed trailer-trash walked into her shop. --splatt
 "Sure it's fresh! The plastic surgeon's office is right around the corner." --Frances Cherman
 We just run outta that Timothy Leary, but we're expectin' some Juice Newton in any day now... --Keef
 Yeah, the darn health department made me put up that big warning sign. Lucky for me mosta my customers can't read! --Keef
 Helen mistook the meaning of "get a lot of fresh meat" at the Lancaster Market. --Cosmo
 Old Mrs. Finkelstein still had trouble talking to her customers even after 10 years of working in the Deli. To compensate, she often communicated using her hand like a talking puppet. --kafka

Back to the IADL Archive index
Back to It's A Dysfunctional Life