IADL #18
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 Oh damn... the Wal-Mart mannequins are trying to escape again. --Kurt L.
 I guess you were right, I shouldn't have bought a small thong! --Pirate
 Seconds later, the bottle of clorox that Birdie had stuffed down her pants would spring a leak. Her stiff walk would soon turn into an agonizingly awkward and painfull sprint. --anon
 I know it's uncomfortable, Enid, but I told you, the best way to steal sneakers is to take them to the change-room, stuff them up your ass, and walk out as if nothing happened! --anon
 Now where the hell is Wilma... bet she's still standing there wishing she could use a Cosmo and not 'dat Gillette Sensor that don't cut her lip. --Parker
 "New Levis?" --The Sandman
 Hey, who painted Junkie Mobile on our van? --Chug Lug & Mug
 I know a lotta people think lawn jockeys are tacky or tasteless but, gawddam!, this beats all! --Bill Fortier
 Hey! Wanna drag-race? --anon
 Okay, okay, I know you went to Haiti. Lay off the zombie act, already. --The Lawyer
 Hey, Man, wanna shopping cart ride, Man? Five bucks. Just five bucks for the ride of your life. Hey, c'mon. I'm trying to save up for some pants, Man. Just five bucks. --Der Tanzer
 Having sold her wheelchair for crack, Rose, the one-legged prostitute, found that she could get along just fine without it. --Mr. PI
 It's alive, Igor! IT'S ALIVE! --Capt. phealy
 Oh my God, Denise, isn't that Mr. Whipple? --Capt. phealy
 As she wheeled the cart off to her waiting U-Haul truck, Angie paused to admire the lifelike qualities of the "scare-cart-thief" K-Mart had installed. --Capt. phealy
 I *WILL* perfect my moonwalk...I *WILL* perfect my moonwalk.... --anon
 Gertrude's sleepwalking is such a pain in the ass! But at least this time I remembered to bring a cart so I won't have to drag her fat ass home when she walks into a wall and knocks herself out cold. --paTRICK heSTER
 "Ya know, maybe you're taking too much of that Thorazine." --Nelson Gray
 PORTLAND, OR - (AP WirePhoto) -- shoppers at the Maple Ridge Plaza admire the lifelike new Snatch'n'Grab™ molestation decoys placed around suburban shopping centers, a joint effort by area merchants and Portland police to nab the "Playtex Bandit."

photo by Jack Meehoff
--The Turtle
 "...hmmm...so far my artificial man is holding up pretty well...but the real test will be the sample cocktail weiners..." --Zed Factor Zero
 The best way to mark yourself as a newbie at the Supermarket of the Living Dead is to ask, "Where are the brains?" --Zed Factor Zero
 They made quite a pair -- Betty, with her one leg, and Roderick with his odd, machine-like walk. Wherever they went, they attracted attention -- and adventure always seemed to find them! --Zed Factor Zero
 Look, it's not my fault you shoved that steak in your prosthetic leg! Now you'll just have to suffer until we get home. --Toade
 Beula McPhatter, after months of finger pointing and giggling, finally realizes that she put her prosthetic legs on backwards. --Toade

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