IADL #210

 "Dammit, I'm getting my money back on these fucking Depends." --Shifter
 And they wondered why their haggis booth didn't do better business? --Thomas Wilde
 What the Fuck is that??? --I'm with Stoopid
 Captain Caaaaaaaaavvvve-Maaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!!!!! --Doc Evil
 Dirty deeds, DONE DIRT CHEAP!!! --Doc Evil
 The message read "LEARN SURGERY AT HOME AND FIX ALL KINDS OF DIGESTIVE AILMENTS FOR CASH!" That's the last time Roy will fall for Spammed E Mail. --ChAoS
 Wow, farmer Bob sure is good! He taught his pig how to walk on their hindlegs! --Don Spudleone
 This looks like a job for Chia Man! --His Imperial Majesty
 Yes, yes, we know. Don't bring our evil in here. --His Imperial Majesty
 Who says Spinnwebe isn't educational? This is what we would look like if we had no anus and were forced to excrete waste through sweating! --Pastor of Muppets (with yet ANOTHER feces joke)
 Stand back, folks. He may be....radioactive. --Don Spudleone
 Had Woody gone straight to the police, this never would have happened. --Don Spudleone
 ...and then the waif models laughed him out of the Glamour Magazine barbecue. --ChoppingBlock
 The pig shit mosh pit was a bit much even for this jaded crowd. --DieLifeDie
 Conan was angered that the foul wizard had sent him to this strange land. A free sample of cologne from the latest issue of George quickly quelled his rage, however. --alanon
 What impresses me the most is that you actually got this close to the guy. --Bucky
 My newest practical joke, "The Projectile Diarrhea Bag", claims yet another victim. Buy one today! --Bucky
 '"Hey," thought Cynthia, "that guy is cute!". But the heat affected us all that day...' -- The Last Days of the Pinellas County RennFaire, Bantham Books --Bucky
 There's one fella that won't be trying to crack RC5 encryption anytime soon... --Bovine
 The Incredible Hulk seems to have acquired that Michael Jackson skin disease. --Marlboro
 Joe felt a thick and sickening shame as he fumbled with his colostomy bag. He was sure that the giant flying jellyfish would keep the crowd distracted. --Marlboro
 Try as he might, the Lord of Darkness was just no good at petty thievery. --Skywise
 Wait a minute, this isn't the Michigan Militia! What the hell did I do with those directions?? --anon
 Another hummus recipe? This is the last RenFair I bagsnatch at! --Stealth
 Occasionally, really late at night, ESPN2 will re-run the 1970's "World's Dirtiest Man" competitions. --phil
 After several years on the A-Team and his appearence in Rocky 3, Mr. T's popularity soon faded. Now he was nothing more than the guy who emptied the dirty diaper bag at all the fancy festivals. --almost cool
 Fredo, the master thief, learns the hard way that open-air hippie concerts are not the easy score they once were. --BretttMaverick
 Henry Rollins does an all-ages show! --Bill
 The Creature From the Blecch Lagoon... --Doc Evil
 Now THAT'S chest hair! --who said that?
 After swinging through trees, climbing mountains, leaping over small girls, and crawling through mud, Bob emerged victorious only to discover that the prize was a $0.10 coupon for Maxi-Pads... --who said that?
 Well, it appears to be the Toxic Avenger, but how to phrase that in the form of a joke is beyond me. --anon
 Eee-Gah like matronly purse! --madderrose
 Hi, my name is Jeff and I'll be your waiter this evening, can I get anyone somthing from the bar --Maddawg
 Needless to say, everyone was pissed when Alfred found the winning raffle ticket on the ground. --chromepaperclip
 Lou Ferrigno, his career spiralling ever downward, is eventually reduced to mooning state fair audiences for a dollar a head --mutantdog
 "Wow! My horoscope was right! This is my lucky day! First I find a perfectly good bag of soiled underwear, then i get a five dollar tip just for letting someone vomit on me! " --anondog
 As the stunned onlookers gaped, the Sasquatch checked his receipt and thought, "Damn! I got ripped off!" --Ratman
 "...for just 70 cents a day! And if you don't call our toll-free number right now, Joe's gonna beat up one child an hour until you do!" --Heath
 Back in the old days, kids would hand Big Joe Green a Coke. Now they hand him want ads. --Heath [you've got to be really old to get this one.]
 Sensing that the crowd's interest in his act was waning, Harold the Guerilla Magician turned to his coup de grace, The Bag of Many Faces, and hurriedly switched identities. --DoomTrout
 Ok, got the human head. Now where the fuck am I going to find a postcard of Toronto? --ArcArc