IADL #214
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 Earl made sure nobody was looking, then unzipped his fly. "Ahhhh......" he sighed as he relieved himself on the card rack. --Magus
 Aw, geez. Fer me to get mah full name I hafta buy five or six uh dese. Why did Maw hafta name me Billy-Bob-Joe-Earl-James-Maynard-Joe-Billy-Bob? --Evil Ed
 *burp* Beam me up *burp* Scotty? Fuckin' *burp* Star Trek losers. *burp* They's jus' a waste'a *BELCH!* space. Duh...*burp* --Evil Ed
 After headbutting the button display, Bernie went on to headbutt the comic book stand. --Evil Ed
 Goddammit, right, man. Fuckin zhero toleransh, I shay. Shend those damn pot-shmokers back to Russia! --anon
 Finally, a relaxing vacation from selling propane and propane accessories... --Bill
 Realization suddenly struck Floyd with resounding force: Two beers, one mouth. If he could only create another biologically viable path to the stomach, perhaps the fame that had eluded him all these years would finally be his. --DoomTrout
 Hmmm...If only I could find a way to rotate the diplay so as to see the other items for sale. Hmmm.... --John Buchner
 "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! 'Breast---' *snork* HAHAHAHAH! '--Inspector!' This card says...'Breast Inspector'...AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!! That's the funniest damn thing I think I've ever read...HAHAHAH!" --Thomas Wilde
 ...buttons...novelty fake vomit...t-shirts...Hey, how much for the drunk redneck? --anon
 Carl smiled confidently. He had two beers. He had to score now! --alanon
 The Trojan Corporation began marketing their condoms individually instead of in a 24-pack. It didn't matter, as millions of men still stood in front of the display cases, silently debating "Should I buy the ribbed or the lambskin?" --agm
 As John started his quest for his self-esteem, he figured he'd better take along two beers just in case. --Bucky
 Lessee....Bartholomew....Benjamin....Bobby....Brenda...Bridget....Damn! No "Brainard" keychains here, either! *sigh* --anon
 Enterprise, this is Kirk here. I found the planet of the blonde bimbos and cheep booze. Fuck off! --Ragnar the Hammer
 "Now here's a good one: 'I'm A Two Fisted Drinking White Slob Pursued By A Basinet'! Man, they got a button for everybody!" --ArcArc
 Jack thought a beer in each hand was Heaven, until he saw...the 30-foot tall Miller Light can! --phil
 Bill found that a tab of acid and a couple of beers made the 1997 Ladies' Home Craft Faire a much more enjoyable experience. --kristina the astonishing
 "Sunflower, sunflower, sunflower. DAMN! This seed rack has NO variety!" --ChAoS
 "I just gotta remember this time: beer in my right hand, urine sample in my left... Beer right, urine left, beer right, urine left..." --Shifter
 "Gee, shweetie, *hic* couldn't chew haf used shmaller *buuurp* shequins on yer dresh? Come *brrrrack* to my plaish, and let's getchoo out of it." --Stealth
 "Damn! Yet another alien culture with remarkable similarity to 20th century Earth! What are the odds?" Kirk thought to himself. --Emil Blovin
 Suddenly, the solution came to Bob: It was quick, it was easy, it would most definately work, and no one would get nailed to anything. --Haze
 Next on "Seinfeld": Newman loses 50 lbs. with his "All-Alcohol Diet." --agm
 Ladies, may I present to you the driver of the car in #212. --anon
 Bob Gralvajitz, Chick Magnet! --Skywise
 Death waited patiently behind the display cases. Troy Aikman would be his...soon. --Skywise
 Here we see Ed proving the old axiom, 'You can only rent beer.' --anon
 For Butch, it was one of those 'holy shit' moments, the kind that shows in a split second how your whole life is a lie. But one more slug of beer killed off the offending brain cells and his life went on as normal. --DieLifeDie
 Ladies and gentlemen, the "genetically superior pure white race." --The Interrupting Cow
 "Mmmmm...beer...can never have enough watery, skanky, piss-weak American beer." --The Interrupting Cow
 Hey - this one says "Good On You Mate". What the fuck does that mean? --Riff
 Just holding an ice-cold Starbucks Frappachino will make you docile and easily distracted by shiny objects ... --Riff
 "Oooooh ... pretty ..." --Riff
 Lothar finds the pet of his dreams at the Shelter for Stray Tamagochis ... --Riff
 "Wow! Milk caps are five for a dollar! I can't believe the bargains now that Woolworth is going out of business!" --Riff
 Why is this smiley-face sideways? And what's wrong with its eye? --Riff ;)
 I think I'll get the one that says "Mr. Cool" because that's who I am. I'm Mr. Cool ... --Riff
 Bob's breath is so bad that he gets hit with the ricochet. --phonsux
 "I heart N.Y.? HAR HAR HAR! Duh... I heart dat joke!" --Evil Ed
 Proof-positive that males are truly attracted to any shiny object, as our test subject proceeds to walk directly into the sun. --Don Spudleone
 "Let's see...O'Alchoholic...O'Drunkard...Ha! Here we are - O'Shit-faced!" --Raven "Pass Me the Whiskey" O'Soused
 After his fourth whiskey Big Gulp, Paddy finally felt the earth begin to tilt. --Raven
 Man, if I had all of these on a vest, I would be like, the king of TGI Friday's! --Bill
 All at once it occurred to Bob that if he just had one of those hats with the built in straws, he'd be all set to do some serious drinking. --MutantDog
 Bob deftly maintained his equilibrium by shifting the position of the beer to compensate for the lesser weight of the wine, thus narrowly avoiding falling flat on his sorry pathetic drunken ass. --MutantDog
 Hmmm.... Damn. No beer seeds. What's with all these fucking vegetable seeds, anyway? --Pastor of Muppets
 Oh, I'm just hoping that one of those cups is beer, the other one is battery acid, and he's forgotten which is which. --Pastor of Muppets
 Two fisted beer drinking at the wife's home crafts show: it's a good thing. --ChoppingBlock
 Friends don't let friends drink and pick floral arrangements. --alanon
 Beer kills brain cells? I don't get it. --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 Always wanting to convey a positive image, Allen would only drink beer out of one glass at a time. --Rev. Jason N Whitmore
 "Holy Shit! Pogs with nekkid chicks! Bubba, get yer ass over here!" --Tillman

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