IADL #218

 "Stay calm..." Alice thought. "Just ignore the giant, orange penis creeping up behind you, and stayyyyyy calm..." --Magus
 "All right, then. Three fingers! Now pull them! Jesus, Frank, you can be a real stick in the mud." --Heath
 Even though Woodstock had been over for 25 years and an office park had been built on the site, Sunshine and Zonk wait for Jimi's encore... --Tillman
 This fall on FX: Jennie Garth and Ed Begley Jr. star in a torrid romance miniseries from the makers of 90210, Pacific Palisades and the Simpsons... --toade
 Another sad case of albinos abandoned by the side of the road... --Tillman
 Does this look infected to you? --Doc Evil
 Puddle of dog urine? You're soaking in it! --Doc Evil
 An older and wiser Pat Benetar and Billy Idol enjoy a quiet lunch on the Rehab grounds... --Tillman
 The school bus route suddenly changed one morning, leaving Millie and Bert stranded at the old stop for sixty years." --Heath
 This must be the missing scene from "Lost Highway" that explains everything. --The Interrupting Cow
 Aw, how cute, Powder finally found himself a girlfriend. --tv's Spatch
 Bob and Tina stop for a rest at the remains of the world's largest snowman. --DieLifeDie
 Won't these kids ever learn not to leave a nuclear warhead out in the sun? --Evil Ed
 It was a perfect day, perfect until the Giant Carrot emerged from the ground. --Emil Blovin
 Ginny makes some last-minute adjustments to her inflatable Orville Reddenbacker doll. --Emil Blovin
 Albino beach party! --ChAoS
 "That chick at the asylum was right," reflected Jack, "The 2 billion sunblock wouldn't be a real bad idea right about now." --Skywise
 Nothin' says white trash like havin' a sit-down twinkie at a rest stop. --phonsux
 Cone! --John Buchner
 I see that Yanni still packs in those concerts.... --Don Spudleone
 Don felt confident he was starting to really turn his date on, but then the horror descended upon him...... He had wet himself again. --Magus
 C'mon Mr. Vegetarian...you KNOW you want a bite of this gooey, thick Big Mac...EAT IT! C'MON EAT IT!!!!!! --Jenn Dolari
 The Eurythmics on vacation. --Jenn Dolari
 You see this Big Mac?! Twelve thousand calories!!!!! STOP THE INSANITY! --Jenn Dolari
 Hold stil henry, you have Ebola all over your face, let me wipe that off for you. --Tonys Dancing Clams
 I will not mention that white spot on his crotch... I will not mention that white spot on his crotch... I will not mention that white spot on his crotch... --Tonys Dancing Clams
 You call that a booger? Here's a real booger! --Chuckles
 I guess they're right. The hole in the ozone layer IS getting bigger! --Riff
 C'Mon... try it. It's got peanut butter and clams in it. You know how you like peanut butter and clams. --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 It was a peaceful day in the park...noone suspected the creeping horror of...'The Cones'! --tsquared