IADL #224
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 "And when I snap my fingers, little Timmy here will awake and think he's a chicken..." --Tillman
 When Harold's son died, he didn't know what to do. Then the solution hit him: "Ventriloquism!" --Shifter
 Make-a-Wish child Ricky discovers that he *didn't* really want Scott Hamilton to tour him through Cleveland after all. --StarzOnIce
 I keep hearing rave reviews abut this video... When does the room start to move aound? --Doc Evil
 Why has every caption dubbed this kid 'Jimmy'? --Marlboro
 Ricky bowed his head in disgust as Jerome missed the high note. --The Lawyer
 "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a day away!" --Tillman
 "I have a bid for $5.00! Who'll give me ten? C'mon, he's clean, housebroken and can pull a small wagon!" --Tillman
 "Come on, everyone. He's almost crying! Let's have some LOUD ridicule for our volunteer!" --phonsux
 "If you don't act happy, kid, I'm gonna snap your neck like a toothpick." --phonsux
 "Let's see who can toss him into the furthest barrel! C'mon, gentlemen, two bucks a try and you could win your lady a teddy bear!" --phonsux
 Garth Brook's followup to the Concert in Central Park: Concert for Some Kid's Birthday. --anon
 "And as god as my witness, Bobby will never go hungry again!" --Jenn Dolari
 Look out there, lad! The hookers, the crackheads, the tenements, and the bag ladies. Someday, my son, someday soon, all of this will be yours! --anon
 Oklahomo. --anon
 Ladies & gentlemen, for only a dollar, you, too, can stuff your hand down this boy's pants! Come on over and try it! --anon
 ... And now for my next trick,I shall pull a rabbit out of this kid's skull! --Riff
 So, you stand like this, absolutely motionless, till people are so weirded out they give you money... Hey, listen up, this is going to put you through college. --Horselover Fat
 What, the curtains? --alanon
 `Oh the places you'll go aand the things you will see.. I wear dorky overalls that come to my Knee.' --trashman
 Oh, My Blessed Dark Lord Satan,here I have brought you another virgin to sacrif.....huh, yes he is a virgin,My Lord........Oh, he has to be a virgin in THAT way too? Uh....Lemme check........ --Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon
 Tragically, Darlok's desperate attempt to avoid drowning in a cascade of Zieg Hiel captions by summoning a ten-year-old from the depths of the netherworld was a total failure. --Jamey "Crisis" Powell
 All right son, on the count of three we'll both fall flat on our backs and the decending airplane will miss us by inches, ready? --spank
 Fly Taggart knew enough to shoot at the barrels of ooze rather than directly at the minions of Hell. --Werehamster actually read the Doom novel
 Yeah, randomly chosen volunteer from the audience, thought Jimmy. It's bad enough that my father is a street performer. --Werehamster
 You know the rules, Jimmy: A good Chimney Sweep always retreives his broom. You'll just have to dodge the flames on the roof. --Pastor of Muppets
 Little Joey made a spritely, entertaining sidekick...until he died and had to be propped up with a steel rod. But, the show had to go on.... --phil
 "Someday, son, this entire patio will be yours." --Jim Ellwanger
 Moving swiftly, yet silently, the pack of trashbarrels quickly flank the unaware herdbeasts. --anon
 The streets are aliiiiive....with the smells of refuse..... --anon
 "*Hiccup* Hey everybody....... *Hic* I'm a fluffy white cloud. *Hic* And this iz my shon... he'sh a good kid. He'sh a good kid." --Magus
 Alright, you cops! One step closer, and the kid dies! --Magus
 Timmy sobbed in anguish as crazy uncle Bob tossed his puppy like a rag doll across the parking lot. --Luigi's Bondage Blowfish
 Oh cheer up. Disneyland is just as fun out here in the parking lot plus you don't have to pay $40 to get in.. Look Splash Mountain!! --Luigi's Bondage Blowfish
 A sniper dreams of moments like these. Did your miss your calling, Spinnwebe? --Skywise
 Someday, son, all of this will be yours! Well, not really, I just like to dash your hopes early. --Skywise
 "So, tell me Timmy. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?" --Heath
 "What do I hear for this neckless boy? Six thousand! Seven thousand! Seven-five! Going once, going twice,SOLD to the white guy with the sequined glove for seventy-five hundred dollars!" --Heath
 Sling Blade: The Musical --Colin
 Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga, choo-choo! C'mon, we're a train, it's FUN! C'mon! --Colin
 And for my next trick I will toss this annoying child into the traffic behind me! --Cabin Boy
 Aww, Daddy, just beacuse I wet myself dosn't mean you have to tell the whole world! --Magus
 "Please god, let me be adopted. Please, please, PLEASE god, let me be adopted..." --Magus
 Bobby longed to be able to swing his arms free and wide, like other people. Alas, his strange deformity weighted his arm to the ground forever. --Luna
 The world champion dwarf tosser checks the wind, then astounds the spectators by pointing to the exact spot the dwarf will land --mutantdog
 "I command the evil spirit of Onan to leave this boy, that he may walk the path of the righteous again and spill his seed no more!" --Ngoc van Trimble
 "Someday, my son, all this will be yours--stop looking so depressed, dammit!" --Thomas Wilde
 But soft! What light through yonder window breaks. 'Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun. What? Oh, him? Naw, he's just some narcoleptic kid I picked up in town. --Marlboro
 Believe me son, you DON'T want to meet your mother. Her butt's like this! --Marlboro
 'Feely', America's most wanted hypnotist. --Marlboro
 Scene from this year's production of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" by Insane Homeless Kidnapper Repertory Theater. --Jizmo the Wonder Horse
 I've heard of body odor strong enough to knock you out, but I've never actually seen evidence of it... --Bucky
 Sam was depressed. It was bad enough being seen in public with his uncle Ed, but now he had some dork with a quickcam taking his picutre. --Bucky
 Ladies and Gentlemen, today I am proud to announce to you that, as a surprise birthday gift, I am turning over my job as "Goofy-Ass Fucked-Up Hat Guy" to my son, Roger. Take a bow, son! --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 "Someday son, all this concrete slab will be your domain, and the clowning gig to go with it. But not the balloons - the balloons stay with me." --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 "Aw Dad.... you know I hate 'Bring your kids to work' day!" --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 "Son... one day, all this will be yours. Now be a good boy and assist me with the feces-juggling act." --TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!
 Lady's and gentleman, gather 'round while I humiliate this poor little bastard child! --Ralph
 "Aww, dad, do I hafta be the 'pea' in the '55-gallon drum-shell-game' again? --Auntie Christ
 Hey! Wait a minute! We've already seen this guy! He's that #@#% flaming-torch juggler! We want new geeks to make fun of, dagnabit! --Geoduck
 "Raise your arm son! The Fuhrer is passing this way!" --macb3th
 Here is a touching scene from NAMBLA's version of Oliver, where Fagin sings that heart-wrenching song "Boy For Sale". --Karl Kaefer

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