Hey, it's you! You really CAN turn the world on with your smile! --Greg J
I don't know what rules you're using, but you cannot put a Berserk on a Ball Lightning! --Greg J
Sorry, I don't work here. I'm just emptying out this here cash register. Thanks for the credit card, though. --Kurt L.
I don't care about your family's Mad-Cow disease, or how you say they caught it! You didn't save the receipt, so you can't prove nuthin'! Buh-bye now! --Kurt L.
Look, lady -- properly cooked, those roaches are edible, okay? The way I see it, you find extra food hidin' in your ground beef, you owe us money! --Kurt L.
I'm sorry ma'am, it's store policy -- when you left your baby overnight, it became our property. Look, I'll give you the address of the family we sold her to, but that's all I can do. --Kurt L.
See, it's my last day working in this dump, so we got a one-day-only Special: all merchandise is 100% off when you sleep with the horny cashier. Care to discuss the details under this here counter, darlin'? --Kurt L.
Yes, this is the Complaints department; we're happy to respond to your complaints about our service. Now, you may either direct your complaints to me directly, or to the loaded shotgun here under the counter... --Kurt L.
I'll be right with you, ma'am, provided I get my tie unstuck from this meat grinder within the next three seconds... --Kurt L.
We at Wal-Mart would like to thank you for showing us your breasts... --Kurt L.
Look lady, for the last time, we don't sell "Adult Novelties" in the meat dept. --John Boy
I'm sorry, but you can't kill me until my shift is over. --anon
Have you in fact got any cheese here at all? --Cosmo
If you read the terms of agreement we here at Roach Control are not liable for any items missing from your underwear drawer. --Monk n Treb
This months cover shot of Lazy Surly Workers Monthly. --Monk n Treb
"Well, yeah, I mean, it's fresh, innit? Freshly killed...yeah...fresh and dead and held over a hot fire...not as there's any other kind...an' then we brings it in 'ere, see, an' we rolls it on a paper towel to get rid of the blood and the road dust an' the nasty crap wot's on our stockroom floor, an' then we serves it to you, fresh-like. Onna stick." --cutting-me-own-throat-zed
Yes ma'am. Join the Aardvark of the Month club and receive your first aardvark and this tote bag at no charge. --anon
Sir, I'm going to tell you this one more time. You can't get a refund on your Inflatable Rhonda doll after you've fucked it. --The Lawyer
No, the warranty's void if the item has ever been plugged in. See, it's right here in the fine print. --The Lawyer
Look lady, it may say "customer service" but ask someone who gives a damn! --el Marko
"I already told you, we stopped accepting applications for the Grim Reaper job weeks ago!" --The Turtle
Rob enjoyed his job in the Rabbits-Wrapped-In-Chicken-Wire department at Home Depot. He especially enjoyed the frequent visits from Osric, the mall executioner. --The Turtle
Grand Opening day at "Ressurected Chicken" left a lot to be desired. --The Sandman
"Now let me just go back over that...that was a double cheeseburger, onion rings, a chocolate shake and the souls of ten-thousand screaming unbelievers? Okay." --zeid
"Well, no, I'm sorry. I don't mean to stare. It's just that we don't get too many Diabolist priests here at the Wal-Mart cafeteria." --zeid
"I was working day-shift on the register when she came in. It was impossible to miss her -- she was fully two times my size, with a head the size of a medicine ball and a body that just wouldn't quit. And that hair -- shiny, black, and laquered like the finest art-deco wood trim. And though I knew, then and there, that I'd do anything for this woman, I never realized that I'd wind up, blind, limbless, stuck halfway up Mount Everest with a severe case of chilblains, a new appreciation for the Moslem faith, and a raccoon crammed up my ass. But then, life has a way of hiding its bigger surprises. --zeid
"And if I were to push THIS button, your entire existence would be eradicated, leaving only an empty space in reali...oops. --Capt. phealy
Look lady, can't you read the sign? It says "Delicatessen," not "Ballon Removal," so you'll just have to find someone else to get those things off yer head, okay? --anon
Blowing his nose? No ma'am, that man is smelling the bun to make sure it's fresh. --Cosmo
Luke aint here, Mr. Vader. --Rev.HolyOley