IADL #239
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 Oy twat, don't point that camera at me....mutter.....gripe....bloody juvenile delinquents........etc --AquaBlue
 The commercial was totally ruined when Earl, thinking about pornography just as he uttered his lines, said to the camera: "Ace is the place for hardcore." --Magus
 "Whut? Yew call this Spinnwebe? Why, in mah day, all we had was th' Mystic 9-Ball, and it didn't even work half the time! An' when we finally got this IADL thing, we didn't have any o' them new-fangled asterisks and crap, an' ol' Skimm -- he wus in charge of this place long before that brat Spinn, yew know -- only uploaded pictures once every three weeks! 'Course, the whole site was just a pice of lined paper stapled to the side of Skimm's house that he replaced daily, so it wasn't really uploading, but...where wus ah...?...Oh, yeah, that's right...so, anyhoo, after I got out of the war I..." --Jamey "Glad he never had a relative like that" Powell
 Ah, no, this character is illegal, you can't have one with a negative charisma. You'll have to re-roll. --Bucky
 "Yessir, when those Yahoos in Washington drop dem Nukes, it'll be those of us smart enuf and strong enuf to survive that'll rebuild America. Now ya gotta `scuse me, 'Wheel of Fortune's' on!" --Rev. Jason N Whitmore
 Vern's last wish was that he be stuffed, mounted and placed in the family hat store. If you can flip a coin into his mouth, it's considered good luck... --Tillman
 From People magazine: Bill Gates' dad in the family's Hunt n' Bait shop complaining that the little shit never writes... --Tillman
 My God... It's full of hats! --Doc Evil
 "...now, this would be back in 'ought-six. I remember, see, on account of the rabid dogs that bought the house aross the street that summer. Anyhoo, Ambrose and I were down at the radio tower meltin' chickens -that's Fish-Head Ambrose, you'll recall. We called him Fish-Head on account a' that indusdrial accident. So, uh, where was I? Did I mention Hoover yet? Y'see, Hoover was a great bear of a man in those days, thanks to the bacon, and he'd often take to removing..." --Shifter
 Of course, we had to make our own captions up ourselves, before they released MicroSoft Tauntomatic 3000 or MST3K as you younguns call it... --truman
 Gary Burghoff remembers. --Tony Packo
 The operation was a success. Nell Carter sighed, glad to know she could live a private life again. --Medea
 The boy from #231, 50 years later, still staring into the camera with a blank, yet slightly evil look on his face --Tony's Dancing Clams
 No I suppose I don't mind if you put my picture on the internet.... *pssst.. hey Murray! What the hell's an internet?!?* --Tony's Dancing Clams
 Ernie stops in his tracks, his eyes fixed on The Stetson That Got Away. This time, it would be his! --Stealth
 Harold suddenly realizes that he left his colon at home. --agm
 "The largest selection of used clothing hats coats trousers housecoats shoes even kids you can't beat Marty's Market we're located...at Fifth and Clark don't walk run run to Marty's Market we won't be undersold tell 'em Marty sent ya good day god bles --Ed the Draconian Boss
 "I...HAD...DA...MALE...ITCH." --Ed the Draconian Boss
 Rudy Palpoch found his place in history when he became the last vice presidential candidate of the United We Stand America party that wasn't a potted plant. --Ed the Draconian Boss
 On the road of life, there are passengers, there are drivers -- and then there's Donald. --Ed the Draconian Boss
 Aaaahhhh, yes ... the creeping waistline. Check back in five years, he'll have his belt looped through his nipple rings. --Heckler
 You want to be ambassador to where? --Horselover Fat
 Yeah, all my whites been comin' out purple lately. Can't rightly tell why ... --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 I'd prob'ly never be able to hang out at the swap meet if it wuzn't fer my Depends! --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 I don't know who this guy is, but obviously he's no happier to see us than we are to see him. --Horselover Fat
 The auditions for "Mr. Zweblö", the SpinnWebe mascot, started off on a low note. Though Greg had to admit the old guy did a fair rendition of "Born to Be Wild." --Horselover Fat
 Earl thinks "That's the best pair of breasts I've seen all day." Our camera man thinks "That's the best pair of breasts I've seen all day." --John Buchner
 Thank goodness SpinnWebe cropped this right at his belt line. Thank you, thank you, thank you! --phonsux
 "Welcome to Jesse Helms' Baseball Cap Emporium. We don't take kindly to Negroes and homosexuals around here." --Heath
 "Here at the toupee hair club for fat guys, you'll see that not only am I the founder...I am also a client." --Jenn Dolari
 "Why yes, I'd love to hear about my lord and saviour Jesus Christ!" --Alt.Fan.Spinnwebe
 Author's Biography Picture for "I was the first Ronald McDonald." --Jenn Dolari
 Harry's "Trophied Toupees" exhibit was a big draw at the local carnivals. --Jenn Dolari
 Okay... but I'll only say it once. "I'll paint any car for $19.95...." Now get the fuck outta my store. --alt.fan.spinnwebe
 "Well, kids today have it too damn easy! HACK HACK whheeeze I used to make my own hats outa dogs, cats, whatever wandered into the yard!" --Tillman
 I'm not really a scary guy, but I play one in real life. --Don Spudleone
 After having sold his daughter to the store clerk, Sidney tries to forget her, and pick out a couple of nice fishing lures. --Moe The Maneater
 Attaboy Spinn, that's the way to be inconspicous! --Colin
 Oh, him? That's Earl--he had a stroke and died there a few weeks back, we haven't gotten a chance to move him yet. --Colin
 Breasts? A really strange bird? The store's clock? A particularly cleverly made backpack? What? --Colin
 Earl remained frozen in place, staring straight ahead like a deer caught in the headlights. Only years later would hypnotherapy reveal the strange-looking fellow with the Quicksnap camera. --tv's Spatch
 "Son, you got a panty on your head." --anon
 Hi, I'm Floyd, your host at "We Be Hats and Shit," may I help you? --Hoosier White Trash
 Travis Mung: Man of Destiny --Ngoc van Trimble
 "Hee hee. You want to see my collection of NASCAR underthings?" --RipperJak
 Obviously, I don't know where to go or what to do! --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 Next time you're in Hogswaller Missippi stop in at the 'Klan-o-Rama' for all your souvenir needs, but make sure you're Anglo Saxon and have your Visa card, because Enos don't sell to coloreds, and he don't take American Express. --Anon
 George "The Animal" Steele stars in Cocoon III: The Rematch --The Brown Gouge
 It looks like Duke Nukem also shot the "Pepperidge Farm remembers" guy with the Expander. --Werehamster
 Jessie Helms was outraged that he'd been out-ed while at his NAMBLA booth in Nashville. --Willie won't go home
 Where will YOU be when the ' laxative ' captions just aren't funny anymore? --Doc Evil

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