IADL #252
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 I'm crushing the security guy with my thumb! Crush! Crush! --NME
 At the trial, the mall security guards were cleared of the charges when tapes from store cameras showed that Bob had actually beaten himself up --anondog
 Confronted by Security, Marek pops a Mentos and starts signing autographs, just like he's part of the band! That spunky Czech... --witchiepoo
 o/` Raise your hand, raise your hand if you're blurred! o/` --Werehamster
 Picking his boogers faster than a speeding bullet................... --Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon
 In a bionic blur, the 6.3 million dollar man add his name to the list, undetected! --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 This week on FOX: You haven't seen hilarity until you've seen Stuttering John and Paul Schaefer try to break into a John Tesh concert to cause mayhem, on Fox's brilliant new Comedy Nuh-Nuh-Nuh-Naughty Buh-Buh-Buh-Boyz! --toade
 Hullo Kip, restuant security here. Now, we all know how much you loved your job here as a waiter, but I'm afraid you've been fired., so just drop the menu and no one gets hurt. --Tony's Dancing Clams
 For less-popular bands, the "Ronco Inflatable Security Guard" may be a more economical alternative. --macb3th
 "You, with the vigorously shaking hand! Halt!" --Skywise
 Tempers flare at the local "Red Lobster" when Neil Diamond's entourage is told the all-you-can-eat shrimp bar has closed... --Tillman
 Attendees of the "Yanni Unplugged" concert assumed that the security guards were for their protection, not suspecting the truth until it was too late... --Thany
 "Security. Being blurry is prohibted. Clear up now or we'll have to throw you out." --SkidMark
 Too-much-coffee-man makes a rare public appearance. --Emil Blovin
 One of over seven thousand highly trained agents used by the government to track, monitor and contain Yngwie Malmsteen. --Jizmo the Wonder Horse
 Minimum Security Fox, 8pm: Hilarity ensues when telekinetic security guard Ernie goes crazy and melts the shit out of everybody. Guest stars Ralph Machio as the wuss. --Jizmo the Wonder Horse
 The infamous "Pop-Up" menu at Cap'n Jack's Grub 'n' Grog eats half of Alice Cooper's face before security can wrestle it to the ground. --Generik
 Marilyn Manson performs the rare self-inflicted Vulcan nerve-pinch scant seconds before security would have jumped on him. --Generik
 Hey, cool, Blur's playing IADL tonight. --tv's "woo hoo!" Spatch
 "It says right here in the fucking contract--no fucking brown M&Ms in the green room, fuckface!" --Ngoc van Trimble
 As the security team hustled her out, Ashley realized it was a bad idea to attach that Cabbage Patch Kid on her nose ring --RipperJak

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