IADL #253
(some picture)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

 Only on the Internet could you find a picture of AEon Flux picking her nose during rehearsals. --Godot
 "Sorry, Ms. Campbell, but your contract is quite clear: you appear in all three Scream movies, or no check." --Shifter
 As the Federal Witness Relocation Program was running out of money, Kelly was disguised as a desk in a well-known university. --RipperJak
 "Lessee here. Fondle breasts and nipples...Check. Stimulate clitoris and associated external vaginal structures...Check. Apply dollop of non-petroleum based lubricant to anus...Check. Honey, how much is a 'dollop,' anyway?" --Der Sploot
 Leslie didn't want to make a scene, but she was cornered by Jerry and his infernal book of Cub Scout Campfire Songs. --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 That's some underbite you have there ma'am...let me check my dental manual on the appropriate procedure here... --R.J.M.
 The Pavarotti/Rondstadt concert has been canceled until Lucciano stops eating garlic. --R.J.M.
 Abe Vigoda and Tori Spelling go over their lines one last time before the opening of "Wonder Woman: The Musical". --Heath
 "Billy, frankly, I'm less scared of the weirdo with the camera than I am of the fact that you're reading the 1998 revised tax codes to me again." --The Outsider
 Coming up next on M2: Another weird-ass video from that wacky Bjork! --Doc Evil
 As the conductor looked over the score, Mary realized that her mistake probably ended her harmonica career. --R.J.M.
 "Well, Missy, let's take a looksie at the penal code...Yep! Right here! Section 323.64478! "The use of the mouth on the genitals for sexual stimulation is illegal and punishable by death." Sorry, Becky Sue, but yer gonna fry. Kinda puts a damper on homecoming, don't it?" --Tillman
 "Look, kid, it's spelled out in black and white in this contract. Now get back in there! I don't care what you smell." --Stealth
 "Um, OK, Step 8: after the sultry look, part your lips, and allow the tip of your tongue to gently moisten your full luscious lips. Step 9: Discuss prices...." --Stealth
 Lift my head up! Lift my head down! Lift my head up! Lift my head down! Lift my... --toade
 Much like the Yakuza, the Ridgeville High School Glee Club punished each mistake by amputating a portion of the offender's finger. Ashley, unfortunately, had terrible pitch, but needed the course credit. --NaToth
 Jane, noticing that the man is reading a book in Braille, realizes she doesn't have to be subtle in her nose-picking. --Emil Blovin
 Teenage girls waiting nervously in the corners, creepy old guys reading "The Joy of Sex" with their fingers -- yup, it's spring again in Mississippi. --Jizmo the Wonder Horse
 *Let's see... what's my line here... Oh yeah!* "It puts the lotion on its skin!" --Generik
 Smitty consulted the latest Journal of the American Medical Association to see if there had been any other recent incidents of frightened girl-heads growing out of adult male knees. --Generik
 I'm sorry Linda, but it says right here in your contract that Wednesday is no-pants day, so if you'll just get out from under your desk, we can all get back to work. --Tony's Dancing Clams
 Sometimes, just to be cruel, Antonio would tell patients that the doctors was planning on using the new "electric specula" on the routine examination. --Tony's Dancing Clams (who thinks that perhaps you have to be a woman to get this one)
 Oh him? That's my 15 year old son Tyler, says wants to follow in his father footstps, so I brought him to work with me. Now, Marianne, if you'll just put your feet in the stirrups, we can begin the exam.. --Tony's Dancing Clams
 Ahhh... a terrified woman on the verge of tears crouinced in the corner while a heartless authority figure reads from a manual... now this is what I call dysfunctioal! --Tony's Dancing Clams
 Studying, for Chet, was difficult, with a semi-attractive girl growling out of his good page-flipping hand. --Skywise
 After they reach the age of 15, your children should be allowed to wait outside the bathroom stall. --SoilCreep
 Alisha pays gigolo's extra to read the income tax tables to her on the next episode of Kinky Accountants! --Anonywuss
 Here is Theresa Loogybender of Hartford, CN. She is practicing not to be seen. Theresa, will you stand up, please? --RipperJak
 When the "substitute teacher" traps you in a corner and starts playing "strip pop quiz," get somebody, anybody, to take a potty break and call the police. --Agent Todd
 "Are you there, God? Just one teeny lightning bolt here and I promise I'll never be bad again." --Agent Todd
 "Let's see... acid trips... bad acid trips... hmmmm..." --Generik

Back to the IADL Archive index
Back to It's A Dysfunctional Life