Excuse me, sir, but could you tell me if this looks infected to you? --alanon
Okay maybe their seats aren't luxurious and their safety record is questionable, but Bob chose Valu-Jet because, this month only, disembodied heads in knapsacks fly for half-fare! --Dog-matic 2000®
Incriminating evidence that not only is Janet Reno dating The Invisible Man, but that he's a cheap fuck. --LadyJ
After the collapse of television, Jon Lovitz legally changed his name to "That Liar Guy" and rode the subway, working for quarters... --Bill
A rare photo of Moe, Larry, Curly, AND Shemp together. --R.J.M.
Tonight on 'Must See TV'! Jerry's Dad rides the subway while a Jewish mother and son kvetch endlessly! It's the same old shit on Sienfeld, Thursday nights on NBC! --Tillman
Ross Perot's erstwhile running mate is stumped by the Junior Jumble while an EDS security detail remains watchful. --Ngoc van Trimble
Moments later, a voice cried out, "The champange's not Korbel!" Before anyone could realize that there was no champange on a subway car, the riots had become unstoppable. --anon
Despite Bruce's admonition about the dangers of traveling at light speed, Clark was caught off guard and couldn't believe his super-human eyes: My god, is that Lois?!? --Dr. KNob
Slowly Frank awakens, wondering if that was a dream or if he really was attacked by the legendary Static Ghost of Subway 9. --LivFre
The Matterhorn at Disneyland was getting pretty mundane... --Tillman
Albert wasn't worried about getting caught with the explosives in his bag...it said right there in the paper that his branch didn't yet have arms detection systems in place. --LivFre
Man, these big-city dwellers sure are jaded. If I was riding in a subway car with woman who had her bloodless hand spiked to the top of her head, I'd sure sit up and take note.. --Geoduck
No, honestly, this isn't a commercial; I just felt like talking about my embarrassing feminine hygiene problems to a perfect stranger on the bus. You don't mind, do you? --The Outsider
Jokes to make you cringe #347: "So Janet Reno, Jeffrey Dahmer, and the Skipper are on the subway..." --DieLifeDie
"Tonight on America's Funniest X-Ray Vision Shows, Kato and Ken use their special powers to validate the claims that a postal worker has a prostate problem." --helen keller, creator of "america's funniest mute, blind and deaf videos"
"Excuse me, ma'am? How long does this train take to get to the hospital? My head's only connected by the skin, you see..." --Shifter
"Uh, oh! My wrist receiver indicates that Zoran is at it again! Quick, time to change into Subway Power Rangers!" --helen keller
"Great. That guy's hair lice are getting into a fight with my crotch lice!" --helen keller, what a "lousy" thing to say!
Joe tries to discreetly replace his neighbor's toupee. --The Warriors
Emma noticed the handbag was a gucci. At that moment she knew whe wasn't dealing with any ordinary undercover transvestite. --The Warriors -3
So I sez to the bastid, "Schopenhauer! Schopenhauer! Christ, d'they teach youse NUTHIN' at DeVry?" --Orrin Bloquy
Soon, the entire car was singing Bob Seger's "Some Day Baby You'll Accomp'ny Me," shortly before God sent a lightning bolt to the third rail, killing everyone instantly. --Mr. Nasty