IADL #28
(some picture)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

 Little tommy slips back into his autistic past. --Lord KAS
 Little Jimmy prepares to snap a picture of "Mr. Happy" for inclusion in Hustler Magazines new "Pole-Cat Hunt". --kafka
 Hey, my brother was right! I DO need a magnifying glass to see it!! --kafka
 Before he went cruising the mall for chicks, Billy checked his wallet to make sure he had a spare Trojan. --kafka
 Thanks for the Celebrity Autopsy trading cards, Mom! Here's Cobain, Leary, Selena, Garcia... --His Imperial Majesty
 Wow! Garbage Pail Kids Series 78! "Clide Max" and "Buster Heiman!" --Cosmo
 Wow, mommy.... I didn't know you could bend your body that way. --a little man from another place
 So that's how my ass looks like! --a little man from another place
 Does anyone have kleenex??? --a little man from another place
 Dear Joey, I'm sorry we had to do it this way, but we figured you'd have a better chance of finding a new home if we left you in the mall. Daddy and I are going away to a nice, sunny place to start a new life with our new names, somewhere you'd never find us. Good luck, and I hope this five dollar bill lasts you long enough to find a new home. --hippie
 As Billy reviewed his "Mass Murderer" trading cards, he suddenly remembered where his father kept his handgun. --The Most Rev. HolyOley
 "Yer mother dresses ya' funny!" taunted the other boys, while Little Maurice slapped the magazine of 230 grain +P hollowpoints into his 1911-A1 and smiled silently to himself. --The Most Rev. HolyOley
 Daddy, I love these Exploding Heads Trading Cards! --a little man from another place
 "Hmm...too dark...still too dark...this one's better -- yeah! You can see the nipple! Hmm...damn, got a bad angle there...oh, but this one's better, and then the rest should be -- what the fuck? They didn't come out? No FUCKIN' way! Fuckin' Fotomat!" --zeddicus
 The Hat Being clutched his head tighter and tighter, closing its nylon coils around the pristine warmth and pulsating juiciness of his young brain. --zeddicus
 "Good morning, Mr. Phelps. The girl you're looking at is Elizabeth Stiles, a 6 year-old elementary school student from Hoboken, NJ. The second photograph is of her accomplice, a 5 year-old macrocephalic mystery man known only as `Jeffy'. Together, they operate the Barney syndicate, the largest international toy theft and redistribution syndicate in the world. Your mission -- should you choose to accept it -- is to deliver Stiles to us, while neutralizing `Jeffy' in any manner possible. Your usual team will be assigned -- Dennis the Menace will be your point man, Alfalfa will handle counterinsurgency, and Little Orphan Annie and Richie Rich are already undercover in Hoboken. As always, if you or any member of your team is caught by someone's mom, this department will disavow all knowledge of you and your actions. This cap will self-destruct in 5 seconds, so you'd better take it off." --zeddicus
 These Amber Lynn XXX trading cards rule Dad! --el Marko
 Hmm.. came to the mall with his evangelical church group, just bought a set of Robert Bly trading cards.. yep, looks like we got a future Promise Keeper. --Mister Sinister
 Hugh Grant, awesome... President Clinton... and another Pee-wee Herman. Dad, can I have a buck for another pack of Celebrity Sexcapades? --Horselover Fat
 Tin Tin was so desperate for smack he heated the spoon up right in the middle of the mall. --Monk n Treb
 I think we've all had dreams like this: we're really happy, just sitting, blissfully going through our baseball cards. But soon we stand up, the magazine falls out of our lap, and all the girls start laughing. --Der Tanzer
 Hmmm... a message from my home world. What do you mean, I need to try to blend in more? Oh, wait, it's this idiotic hat, isn't it? --anon
 Sometimes little Johnny had to settle for pulling his own finger. --John Boy
 Wow, these "Drug Addicts of Baseball" cards have some really neat pictures of them passed out in their own vomit! --Don Spudleone
 After counting his money, Ricky was elated to discover that he only needed to give four more blowjobs in order to have enough money to buy the latest Mighty Morphin Power Rangers action set. --The Lawyer
 In the interest of decorum and decency, this caption is being witheld. --anon
 A heartwarming scene from Shirley Temple's least-known filem, "The Littlest Whore." --Capt. phealy
 Hi. My name is Billy. I am 5 years old. My mommy has a HUGE ass! --anon

Back to the IADL Archive index
Back to It's A Dysfunctional Life