IADL #281

 "Well, what can I get for a dead lemur and clubbed seal?" "A pack of Kools, a copy of Waterworld and a kick to the head." --Hippie
 I've been to every porn dealer in town and have yet to find a copy of "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup"! --Jimmy Awesome
 "No, this is a tape store. Not a pie store. Merengue is a type of music, not a...oh, forget it." --RipperJak
 In the deepest, dirtiest, most hidden areas of underground France overt commercialism thrived. --ChoppingBlock
 Later, in the lean years, Sally Struthers would often peddle those sick, starving kids for 8 oz. bottles of Jean Nicole perfume. --Moe The Maneater
 Ok, a store that sells "Mix Tapes," has posters of a teenage Traci Lords, an ad for some flick with some black guy giving it to some white chick AND a coffee table book on Motley Crue's Vince Neil and Mick Mars? Where the Hell does Spinn live? --anon
 "This Levitating Child Trick is broken. Can I exchange it for the Mystery of the Etruscan Nipple Torture Trick?" --helen keller, Watch Me Pull a Hat Out Of Your Rabbit
 Nicole was so fascinated by the cute clerk that she never noticed that God was trying to speak to her. --Shem
 "Excuse me? I distinctly remember ordering the Lemon Merengue, not the Heap O' Dung..." --anondog
 "Cash only, ma'am. I can't accept babies." --Shem
 He would just die of embarrassment if anyone knew he was secretly a Streisand fan. --Shem
 Phyllis picks up a soundtrack for tonight's Antonio Banderas fantasy. --Shem
 "Yes, it IS a very nice purse, but still, I cannot give you more than five dollars American for it, or my boss would surely give me a flaming high colonic as punishment." --Generik
 "Okay, those are very nice breasts, but how am I supposed to put them in the cash register?" --Generik
 They soon perfected their system: Annabelle would challenge the clerk to a staring contest, while Ned made off with armfuls of phat beats. Those were carefree, heady days. --ks
 ...Dean, down 3/8, Nicole, up 1/4... --Trainman
 "Man, VRSpace has gotten cluttered now that the One World Government has legalized adspam." --Stealth
 Ben's success as a salesman was somewhat hampered by the fact that his every thought hovered in large type over his head for all to read. --Dr. KNob
 Helen returns her defective monkey, much to the chagrin of the sullen teen clerk... --Tillman
 You see, they're rectangular, plastic, and fit in devices called "Walkmen". Stop me when this starts to sound familiar ... --Riff
 Just ignore the vagrant sleeping on the next counter. What did you expect? This is Chicago. --Riff
 Pedro laments that he will never be able to play the definitive Lear so long as his contract to The Gap remains in effect. --anon