IADL #293
(some picture)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

 "I TOLD you we paid too much for that honka-tonka womper-stomper, but would you listen? nooooooooo" --TheLost1
 When Wal-Mart said they wanted to put one of their new-fangled "stores" right here in the factory, with the big orange boxes and everything...well, the locals were a little ruffled. But Saturn isn't your ordinary car company, so we thought we'd give it a try.... --phil
 "Well normally I wouldn't puchase goat urine, but this box says its half price!" --JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy
 Due to massive budget cuts, the KGB's goals for stealing American technological secrets become somewhat less ambitious --Mutantdog
 "I'm sorry, Dave, but I'm afraid I can't tell you what the price of that is." --Jamey Powell
 That new anatomically correct Ken doll sure is something, isn't it? --dALY
 "Well I'll be damned. Ya just run your stuff under this here machine and it'll tell ya how much it's worth. There's another reason to love Walmart." --the skyclad answer
 Food Lion, always interested in customer feedback, sends all complaints and comments directly to its CEO, Satan. --Der enthauptete Hanswurst
 Isn't this great? If we didn't hadn't spent that money on that Sam's Club membership, we wouldn't be able to see this red box! --Der enthauptete Hanswurst
 "Hey Clem, is this one of those new-fangled com-pooters I've heard about?" --Riff
 The coupon-dispenser is our master ... --Riff
 Voting for the first time is so confusing. Fortunately, it's easier with friends there to help you. --Bucky
 "What do you think it is?" "I dunno, what do you think it is?" "I dunno, let's ask him. Hey, what do you think this is?" "I dunno, what do you..." --Emil Blovin
 What part of "Press button to activate trap door" don't they understand? --ChAoS
 Which one of these people is not like the other, which one of these people, just isn't the same... --Mr. ?
 While waiting to use the price scanner, Jackie Chan had already figured out six ways to cause crippling injuries with it. --Shem
 "You will now place all your cash in the front slot especially made for that purpose. You will awake with a feeling of satisfaction, and a desire to withdraw your life savings and return to this spot...." --Stealth
 "Your purchase costs either $28.99, or the livers of two Funcoland clerks. Your choice." --Shem
 The shoppers knew that whatever was inside the Big Orange Box was no ordinary toy. This toy was somehow...different...from other toys. --agm
 In their spare time, residents of Searcy, Arkansas go down to the local HEB to watch that new coupon machine. --RipperJak
 That Shaft is one bad price sca- * Watch yo mouth! * I'm only talking bout th' scanner! * We can dig it! * --Doc Evil
 Our residents at the Special Needs Care Center often go on group trips to the store, as part of our efforts to mainstream them into more productive and independent lifestyles. --Mycroft
 American shoppers of all races and creeds stood in line for hours, eagerly awaiting the time when they could at last purchase the latest Japanese fad toy, Big Orange Pointing Down Box. --DJM
 Pete and Myra Hollister's exchange students, Mujeeb and Kwakiutl, are mesmerized by a Belgian kick-fucking video. --Ngoc van Trimble
 They all laughed at Dennis when he had that UPC code tattooed on his penis...but after that trip to Target and the scanner read "Horse Cock: $1,000,000", the laughter stopped... --Opie
 "THE TOY COSTS $13.99 PRETAX. THE FASTEST LAND ANIMAL IS THE CHEETAH. YOU WEIGHT 253 LBS. 2 OZ. YOUR LOVER KISSES ANOTHER TONIGHT" --not elsie
 Lamont craned his head to see what the fuss was about..."Damn...there goes Dad with that fake heart-attack crap again!" --StupidCat
 You're right, Ethel, this scale must be broken. There's no WAY we all weigh 29.99 pounds! --Pastor of Muppets
 Contemplate the cereal aisle my students. The subtle variants of marshmellow. The temptation of easy reward for a lesser choice. And the merest whisper of nutrition that is implied. --Treb
 Bob: "I don't think its workin" Sue"Maybe you need one of those elephant keys?.." --Moskito
 Consumers are confused by the Interactive Orange Box Special, they want the blue light back. --ChoppingBlock
 In the absence of a broken-down Camaro, rednecks will often congregate around any mechanical device and claim they can fix it, saying things like "I'll bet it's the manifold" or "A new hose'll take care of that." --phil
 "Amazing, Vexorg! What sort of high-power fusion pistol recharger might this be? Truely, these earthlings will be worthy opponents in the coming war." --Magus
 "Augh!!! Our pathetic attempts at placing the "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Gallagher Brothers" clearance stickers on the more desirable "Tickle Me Jeffy" dolls have been thwarted once again by the evil "Disco Funkitron 500" pricing machine. All Hail Disco Funkitron 5000, Jesus of Toys "R" Us! --Bradley Beck
 The locals didn't know what to make of this strange new beeping device, but they all agreed it was the most exciting thing to happen in Iowa in a long long time --mutantdog
 Fascinated shoppers stood agog as the strange box levitated down the aisle, in search of... what, exactly? No one could say. --Generik
 Our WalMart shoppers are seen here captivated by a demonstration of Hasbro's popular game Which End is Up? --Dr. KNob
 " 'Check--the--price--tag--you--bunch--of--mouth--breathing---'Hey !" --Kitsunesan
 "There it goes again-- printing out every word before we say it. I dunno, but it's scaring the HELL outta me." --Kitsunesan

Back to the IADL Archive index
Back to It's A Dysfunctional Life