IADL #294 |
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"'Nice shoes'? 'Nice shoes'?! Jesus Christ, I'm never going to get laid!" --Mr. Fungfung
Meanwhile, vigilant Secret Service agents and workers from the White House Press Office keep a close watch for further developments in the broom closet just off of the Oval Office private study. --Dr. KNob
"Please God, let us get a gig on Ricki Lake. Just this once. Please?" --Bucky
Loreena chose her moment to pray for the redemption of the millions of souls gone before her. Randy, however, prayed for hair. --Bucky
Listen, I'm sorry I called you Gornok the Terrible. You just...well...you just look like a minor demon, okay? --Jenn Dolari
Hello, 911? Yeah, I really don't know how this happened, but I did a lot drinking last night, and...well, I think I've been burried with some dead lady. --Marlboro
The yuppie-like bums reside in spacious, posh refrigerator boxes, much to the envy of the poorer bums. --agm
Hey, lady! Don't move... Hold on, it's around here somewhere, do you see a glass eye rolling around on the floor? --NeuroManson
After jabbing out her attacker's eye, Pam was happy she spent a little extra for the steel prosthetic nose. --The 13th Angel
...and in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, a nitrous oxide mask will drop from the panel above you. Remember, the bag may not fully inflate. --Elkman
Who put that wall there?!?! --Riff
"I...I'm sorry, Linda...it's just...I was afraid you'd be put off by my head tentacles." --Jamey Powell
Todays Elevator Muzak Anthem: Livin on a Prayer (Bon Jovi c1986) performed in oboe and strings --ChoppingBlock
The picture was grainy and we had to wait through forty five minutes of all that "Kingdom of God" crap before the Kool-aid was administered. But I think the first offering of "The Death Cult Network" was an great success. --DieLifeDie
Rhonda and Pete finally found a church they really liked. If the services just weren't held in an old dryer box, it'd be perfect! --Tillman
Bless me Rabbi, for I have ... what the fuck am I doing? --Riff
He's not only the bottlecap-club president, he's also a client! --Riff
I feel a terrible disturbance in the Force - as if a billion voices called out at once, and were suddenly silenced ... oh wait, that's a migrane. --Riff
...and Lord, I realize adultery is a sin, so could you set in motion a series of events that would allow me to boink the hot chick next to me without moral qualms? Thanks. --phil
Don't you hate it when you're all ready to molest some pre-teen girl in the elevator and you get one of those stabbing piercing skull-busting headaches? Or does that just happen to me --mutantdog
(AP) WASHINGTON DC: Today the Surgeon General announced that second cable-knit fibers cause male pattern baldness. --Opie
"@#$@#, Martha--- told you NEVER to call me at the Wailing Wall !" --Is this politically incorrect ?
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