IADL #294

 "'Nice shoes'? 'Nice shoes'?! Jesus Christ, I'm never going to get laid!" --Mr. Fungfung
 Meanwhile, vigilant Secret Service agents and workers from the White House Press Office keep a close watch for further developments in the broom closet just off of the Oval Office private study. --Dr. KNob
 "Please God, let us get a gig on Ricki Lake. Just this once. Please?" --Bucky
 Loreena chose her moment to pray for the redemption of the millions of souls gone before her. Randy, however, prayed for hair. --Bucky
 Listen, I'm sorry I called you Gornok the Terrible. You just...well...you just look like a minor demon, okay? --Jenn Dolari
 Hello, 911? Yeah, I really don't know how this happened, but I did a lot drinking last night, and...well, I think I've been burried with some dead lady. --Marlboro
 The yuppie-like bums reside in spacious, posh refrigerator boxes, much to the envy of the poorer bums. --agm
 Hey, lady! Don't move... Hold on, it's around here somewhere, do you see a glass eye rolling around on the floor? --NeuroManson
 After jabbing out her attacker's eye, Pam was happy she spent a little extra for the steel prosthetic nose. --The 13th Angel
 ...and in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, a nitrous oxide mask will drop from the panel above you. Remember, the bag may not fully inflate. --Elkman
 Who put that wall there?!?! --Riff
 "I...I'm sorry, Linda...it's just...I was afraid you'd be put off by my head tentacles." --Jamey Powell
 Todays Elevator Muzak Anthem: Livin on a Prayer (Bon Jovi c1986) performed in oboe and strings --ChoppingBlock
 The picture was grainy and we had to wait through forty five minutes of all that "Kingdom of God" crap before the Kool-aid was administered. But I think the first offering of "The Death Cult Network" was an great success. --DieLifeDie
 Rhonda and Pete finally found a church they really liked. If the services just weren't held in an old dryer box, it'd be perfect! --Tillman
 Bless me Rabbi, for I have ... what the fuck am I doing? --Riff
 He's not only the bottlecap-club president, he's also a client! --Riff
 I feel a terrible disturbance in the Force - as if a billion voices called out at once, and were suddenly silenced ... oh wait, that's a migrane. --Riff
 ...and Lord, I realize adultery is a sin, so could you set in motion a series of events that would allow me to boink the hot chick next to me without moral qualms? Thanks. --phil
 Don't you hate it when you're all ready to molest some pre-teen girl in the elevator and you get one of those stabbing piercing skull-busting headaches? Or does that just happen to me --mutantdog
 (AP) WASHINGTON DC: Today the Surgeon General announced that second cable-knit fibers cause male pattern baldness. --Opie
 "@#$@#, Martha--- told you NEVER to call me at the Wailing Wall !" --Is this politically incorrect ?