IADL #32
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 Newt Gingrich ponders his next great idea...the Contract With Cell-Phone Customers! --anon
 Much to the pain of Kurt's eyes, it would still be several minutes before he realized he had engaged in a stare-down with the store mannequin. --anon
 Why did they want to change the sign to "Celulite One?" --Soma
 So I'm back in Nowheresville. I don't care! I'm glad I turned down Beethoven 3! --Horselover Fat
 I wonder if The Salvation Army store is the best place to be selling these? --Kurt L.
 The sign really confuses me...am I supposed to sell bath tissue or cell phones? --anon
 "Maybe I shouldn't be encouraging them to read the contract..." --sorry Jack -- ZED's back!
 "Try as he might, Jeff couldn't get Lars off his mind....the soft curves of his buttocks...the smooth, muscular expanse of his chest...the tickly feeling of Lars' bushy mustache when they kissed...and now, Lars had returned to Sweden, and his wife and family...and every time Jeff had to say `CelluLAR One' to a customer, he had to grit his teeth, force back the flood of tears and try to ignore the memories of those five beautiful weeks he'd been Lars' bitch." --sorry Jack -- ZED's back!
 "If one more old lady asks me if I can ring her up here, I'm gonna go fucking postal." --sorry Jack -- ZED's back!
 College-smollege!! I don't care what my mother says!! Working at K-mart is an up and growing career choice for individuals such as I. --a little man from another place
 I could get a blow job and no one would care. Hmm.. --Monk n Treb
 I only wanna be with yooooooooouuu! Oh, I hate this song too. --anon
 And here we have Jerry Mathers, the former star of Leave It to Beaver. . . --Lyzza
 Damn - the whole country's leaning to the right again. --Yakko
 How do I explain how I got that sheep STD to Edna! --Gumby*
 ...and they wanted me to stay with them and lead their people against the forces of darkness. But I knew that I belonged here. --Greg J
 Bill ponders Marx's writings about worker alienation. --Greg J
 Jack often reminisced about his Radio Shack days of selling incomprehensible walkie-talkies to 12 year-olds - experience that served him well to this day --Keef
 Car 10-Mary-3, car 10-Mary-3, we have a liscivious ogler at the corner of Cellular One and Cellular One. --Dark Roger
 Even though he did not apply himself in school, Billy always blamed the DFC for his lack of success in adult life. --anon
 Where are those damn cellular phones? --Der Tanzer
 "I just don't get it... nasal-implant cell phones seemed like such a great idea!" --The Sandman
 I wonder what it would be like to be stuck in an elevator with the Village People...... --a little man from another place
 Damn easy listening station! Jusy one more Kenny G. song and I swear I'll take hosages! --a little man from another place
 I don't understand it. This is the perfect spot. Phones are always found next to lamps! --Bill Fortier
 Jim was totally unaware that the Walmart Smiley-Face was about to kick a few "falling price" markers on his head. --kafka
 Mort reflected once again that perhaps the "Free Cellular Phone With Purchase of Factory-Second Condoms" promotion wasn't the best of ideas. --The Lawyer
 I can't believe they sent me to K-Mart... These people don't even have indoor plumbing. --Johnny
 'Okay so "George" was not a rousing success. Anyone can make a fortune in cellphones!' --The Sandman
 "I am the great and powerful Cellular One! Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!" --Capt. phealy
 Running out of options, Spinnwebe finds a way to double advertise in IADL to make the budget. --Cosmo
 A rejected Disney flick - The Hunchback of Cellular One --anon
 There's no good looking chicks here waiting to get me off! Phone sex is a crock! --Don Spudleone
 This week's cover of "People Bored Off Their Asses With Dead-End Jobs" magazine. --a little man from another place

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