IADL #37
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 No kidding lady! I really am Johnny Carson! I am! C'mon, have a drink with me! --anon
 I have spent months in my garage perfecting this he-musk, yet still she rejects --Jojo the Spiv
 Huzzah! I am Hector of Little Sage Lane and I request m'lady's indulgence in accompaning me to the Orange Julius Kiosk. --Jojo the Spiv
 Ma'am, I was thinking that your bare ass would look good pressed down hard like hot spam on that there slatted bench. --Jojo the Spiv
 I'd just like you to know that I'm wearing my Depends and I feel free and secure! --Don Spudleone
 Jill and Andrea often liked to exchange erotic, knowing glances in public places because, well, they knew. --Keef
 Hey, lady, have you seen my colon? --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 Huh. Earl, have you ever seen two people bust into flames like that before? --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 Hey lady, where am I? Am I a dog? --anon
 "And as we continue on the Dysfunctional Studios tour, you'll notice that this bench to my right has been featured in such hits as Cartoon 2, Cartoon 14, and, of course, Cartoon 21." --Capt. phealy
 Excuse me miss, you just gave me the first erection in ten years. Thank you. . .Thaank you. --John
 Mary was amazed at how easy the "girl-next-door" look made it to attract elderly Johns. Never would she wear Lycra tank tops again. --His Imperial Majesty
 As his colostomy bag nears capacity, Henry decides to use Karen's. After all, it matches his shoes!. --anon
 Hey, babe, don't walk away! I can get you in to see the real Matlock...if you play nice, you now what I mean? --Greg J
 Ralph knew that their marriage was over when he saw his wife give a come-hither look to the Tiny Tim balloon in the Thanksgiving Day parade. --Oona Bommer
 We've been married for 36 years, and Ed still doesn't suspect that I'm really a man. --anon
 My mommy always told me not to let old farts touch my privates. --Bloodshot
 When do we get to the part where Macarena grabs the old man's crotch? --Keef
 RUN! RUN! IT'S HARRY MORGAN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, WOMAN!! --Der Tanzer
 Roy the Giant, Mutant, Geriatric Purse-Snatcher finds easy prey. --anon
 Elmer desperately tried to draw her attention to the salami he'd placed in his pants. --The Lawyer
 In his final days, Henry Fonda took to hitting on babes in the convalescent home waiting area. --Capt. phealy
 "Hey, baby, wanna share a Metamucil Malted?" --Capt. phealy
 Wottsamatta? You think you'll get a lower price than $50?? Hey, I'm in demand, baby! --Don Spudleone
 Bob Dole's running-mate is campaigning to assure America that he is less of a fossil than Dole. --Don Spudleone
 While trying to cop-a-feel, Pops "Popeye" Parker misses, and inadvertantly grabs the crotch of the man standing next to him. --kafka
 Dammit! We must have dumped your father at least 5 miles into the woods. How the hell does he manage to keep finding us? --kafka
 Henry recognized the look in her eyes and tried to intercede, but, alas, he was too late to stop the "Mall Lambada". --anon
 But lady! Please! My wife desperately wants a child! I won't be rough! I promise! --a little dwarf from another place
 Next slide...Thank you. Ah, yes. Note the elfin simper and trusting demeanor characteristic of those born lacking this gene. --Ngoc van Trimble
 "Holy shit! You're not my wife! I knew I shouldn'ta drank all that Wild Turkey..." --Evil Ed
 Cecil knew the look of faraway bliss all too well. His wife had soiled herself in public yet again. --Ngoc van Trimble
 Ring around the rosey... pocket full of posies... ashes, ashes... we all fall down!! --Evil Ed

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