IADL #38
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 What the hell was that? They just zapped fred and left nothing behind but ashes and his hat! --Yakko
 After Wilford Brimley's tragic canning from the Quaker Oats people, his only solace was an empty chair to talk to. --Don Spudleone
 As Monty conversed with his imaginary friend Billy, he enjoyed the warm, expanding 'poof' of his 5 bean salad fart --BrickBat
 Ten bucks says I can hit the cook between the eyes with this glob of mashed potatoes. Any takers? --anon
 Ah, what a cruise. Frank was puzzled but grateful when the line at the steam tray suddenly evaporated. It was only after he had sat down to partake of his 5th meal of the day that he noticed the boat listing, ever so slightly, to starboard --splatt
 As Dale said amen and looked up, he saw his prayers had been answered: his mother-in-law had vaporized. --anon
 Al calculated carefully: $2.25 for her Eggy Wake-Up Special, $.50 bottomless cup of coffee, $.25 cinnamon roll-- plus tax and tip-- Was that enough to oblige her to sleep with him? --Horselover Fat
 Although Marv had never been particularly religious, in his later years he found an odd sense of inner peace in worshipping large waitresses. --Oona Bommer
 I'll give him 30 more seconds, and then we'll see if my .38 has a better chance of getting service in this place than we do. --anon
 I'm sorry, Elizabeth, I need to break it off. Your husband Bob knows, I think. And I'm not sure that there's anything he wouldn't do to keep anything from ruining his election campaign. --Greg J
 Don't mess with me, I'm desperate. Everybody down on the floor or the old bag gets it! You too, pencildick! Now, I want a chopper and a million in unmarked bills...Oh, wait a sec, this is just my finger...Um, never mind, heh, heh. Really, just forget I said anything. Check, please. --Greg J
 God, we thank thee for this cholesterol-laden bounty. Please bless this cola, in thy mercy. And, oh yeah, if it's not too much to ask, have that waitress bend over a lot. Amen. --Greg J
 Gawd... This place sure is homestyle. Right down to the owner screwing his sister in the corner. --The Rotten
 If she calls him 'Honey Bunny' one more time I'm gonna get up and give 'em a piece of my mind! --Keef
 Ah, this old place brings back memories. That chair. That seat right there is where your mother used to sit before I killed her. --Der Tanzer
 No, son, it's not that I'm against black people as a race, and I'm proud of you wanting to broaden your horizons, but for God's sake, the Afro went out in the seventies! --Der Tanzer
 "...and here I am, eatin' lunch in a crappy cafeteria with a woman dressed like a damn candy cane...." --anon
 Man, when they said no sharing from the salad bar, they weren't kidding! --Don Spudleone
 If I hurry, I can take the cockroach off Martha's salad and have it for myself. --Don Spudleone
 It is impolite to play with your food; it is downright fuckin' freaky when you talk to other people's food. --Don Spudleone
 Did you check the gun before you pointed it at me? Of course not. Otherwise, you would have seen that it was not loaded. --Keef
 Actually, the food ain't so great here. I just keep coming back 'cause of the decor. --Keef
 Frank wondered why the open-aired seaside cafe was not crowded today. Seconds later, a wave crashing over the wall would wash some of the ignorance off his bald head. --anon
 Hal had waited over an hour for service, and was about to complain to the manager. That's when he realized that he was at home in his own kitchen. --anon
 So, Angelo, once again you come to my table to ask a favor. Well, I'ma tellin' you now, I'm outa favors! -- Scene from "The Oddfather: Don of the Greasy Spoon" --anon
 "What, you think just because you're a ghost you can't have a simple dinner wit yer Father? Ya ingrate." --Evil Ed
 This fucking chair is mocking me! Away with it!! --Evil Ed
 If there's one thing chicks dig, it's making farty noises with your hands. --Bacon

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