IADL #386
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 The Suburban Mom Factory of St. Paul, MN cranks out 4000 new Suburban Moms every hour. They all have Xavier Roberts' signature on their bottoms, and come with needlepoint and recipes for Hot Dish. Adopt one today! --snackwhore
 DATELINE - JFK Airport, New York City, 2018 - Filming on location for "Thelma and Louise: Grumpier old Women" was suspended when the giant rock from 'Raiders of the Lost Arc' rolled over geriatric stars Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis. "I had to do it." said the rock. "I mean, you saw what happened to Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon, and I did nothing to prevent it. This time, at least, dignity has been spared." The rock is expected to make a complete recovery. --Matt Rossi
 "Oh, stop crying. So your mother has a goatee. Doesn't that make me 'da bomb,' or whatever the hell you kids say now days?" --crispy
 First it's the admin interface, now it's the damn horizontal hold on IADL. --Horselover Fat
 I don't know what's on the other side of this wall, but I'm sure they don't have sweaters like this there; so I ain't goin." --SlappyJack
 Goofus visits a bar and drinks himself silly. Gallant is two old, fat women. --Rabbi Bair
 "I don't care if it's for kids. I've got a bagful of quarters, and I'm going to kick your ASS at Street Fighter once and for all." --macb3th
 While Wanda carried pepper spray for protection, Susan preferred a purse with a brick in it and a sack full of doorknobs. --macb3th
 "Oh, I just love shopping here at Escher Creek Square! Let's take the staircase down to the roof and go feed the ducks that turn into checkerboard squares--they're SO cute!" --nashtbrutusandshort
 One more smartass remark about my white sweatshirt and purple pants, Edna, and momma's gonna toss your skant white ass over the rail. --Dr No
 In near-death experiences, most people report walking toward a bright light. Edna and Helen, on the other hand, were drawn to a Bath and Body Works. --Deiphage
 Mom, this is NOT a shortcut. This is the fucking air duct. --Ashhole
 "You do not have that funny feeling again. I didn't raise you that way." --Ashhole
 "Well you know I won't wear it unless it's Gucci or Prada." --Ashhole
 Yeah, I know it's really high-tech, but I'm just not impressed with Quake 2. --Werehamster
 As if a cold, slimy hand was encircling my throat, I found I could not breathe when I discovered just what happened to the Barbi twins. --Wabewalker
 Guess? Oh, about 280, 285, I'd say. --anon
 Here we see a prime example of Furby's natural predator, the Greater White-Shirted Holiday Shoppper. --Mr. ?
 Finally annoyed beyond all reason, Louise chambered a side kick then sent Edna's ass sailing into the first floor food court. --Crack Baby
 this photo proves the validity of the many-worlds hypothesis! A multitude of alternate dimensions do co-exist simultaneously. Unfortunately, these two are the most interesting. --DieLifeDie
 Myrna came to see the softer side of Sears; she left with a bag of porcelain vases. The irony wouldn't strike her until she was on her death bed, some forty years later. --crispy
 "Well, Luanne, your daddy always said I would get what I had comin' to me, so I figured that included the house, Blazer, the coon hounds, and his prize NASCAR oilcan collection." --Semillama
 ...but I just can't get the livecam to stop blurring when I'm frigging for a customer. How do *you* manage it, Ethel? --Orrin Bloquy
 Stop or Vince and Jules' Moms Will Shoot. Comedy sequel to Pulp Fiction starring Olympia Dukakis and Debra Jo Rupp. Only marginally better than killing yourself. One star. --Pete
 "I can never keep mine inflated like that, Myrtle. What's your secret?" --Stealth

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