IADL #394
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 The world today if Siegfried and Roy had won the war. --Doctor X
 Theresa cautiously moved away from the food court, hoping nobody noticed the 59 pounds of Ethyl M's chocolate stuffed into her sweats. --Crack Baby
 I know the ratings are kinda low, but I'm not sure I like Voyager's new engine room... --Fresh Prince of Darkness
 Signs that your local science museum needs updating: Hot-air balloons and DNA are considered state-of-the-art. --Riff
 "My God," I thought. "I can actually see the DNA of Ravi Shankar, and Ted Turner is attempting to circumnavigate the mall in a balloon. This Ronald MacDonald acid is THE SHIT!" --Semillama
 Investors are bewildered by a record-low first day turnout at the Ganges Creste Mall, in suburban Dacca, Bangladesh. --crispy
 OUT OF MY WAY! I'M THE POPE OF THIS MALL! ON YOUR KNEES OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE HOLY SEE! I'LL EXCOMMUNICATE EVERY LAST STINKING ONE OF YOU! BOW DOWN! TITHE YOUR EVERY LAST CENT TO ME! EAT SOFT PRETZELS AND BEG ME FOR SQUEEZY CHEESE, AND WAIL AND LAMENT AS I DENY YOU! THE MURAL ON THE CEILING WILL BE PAID FOR BY AN EXTRA 50% MARKUP ON PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION! A MODERN BORGIA, I SHALL FORCE THE TEENAGERS AT THE GAP TO FELLATIATE ME, AND SEXUAL PREFERENCES BE DAMNED! I AM GOD'S VOICE! --Matthew Rossi
 "Meester Fogg! Meester Fogg! Where are we now?" "Well, Passepartout, we appear to have drifted off course from British Columbia and ended up in the Mall of America. Be a dear and hand me my pistol, would you? There's a good chap." --Pete
 Indiana Jones and The Mall Of Doom. --Lots42@aol.com
 Elaine watched in horror as a deranged lunatic opened fire near the Yo Yo House... "Good Lord", she thought to herself, "I hope the Yo Yo Emporium is still open..." -- mutantdog
 The Mall of America was even more amazing than Jane expected, what with the balloon rides, conveyor belts and cloning booths. -- mutantdog
 Could you please direct me to the Currybon? --Ken
 With a loud ROAR, Rover bounded after the fleeing Hindu. NOBODY escaped The Village. --Doctor X
 The new Jesus cross-trainer by NIKE! --R.J.M.
 Krishna Spice. --Doc Evil
 Buddha, can you spare a dime? --Doc Evil
 Marshall Field's always goes all out to promote their semi-annual caftan sale. --Trainman
 Maya couldn't help but gloat as she passed Marshall Field's. Wait 'till those capitalist bastards discover that their prized cookie recipe is floating around on the Net... she thought... --JAS
 By the year 2000, everyone will be wearing comfortable flowing robes, houses will be made of stainless steel and plexiglass, and Dad will commute to work in a hot-air balloon. -- From the 1960's Disney Movie, Your World Tomorrow. --Wabewalker
 o/' ...shop like an Egyptian...o/' --R.J.M.
 In a deleted scene, Socrates slips away from Bill and Ted to wreak havok at Spencer's. --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 (*ka-klick*) And here I am in the middle of The Mall of The Evil Empire. --Rev. Evil Ed
 Next on the runway, Pandi, here, is wearing a sari by Vijay's of Udipair with matching cross-trainers. Sporty, comfortable, this is what ALL the Brahmins will be wearing this summer. --Doctor X
 Chicago, IL (AP) - Three people were listed in critical condition today after being trampled at the Marshall Fields store at Water Tower Place. States one witness: "Word got around that Apu Nahasapeemapetilon was there to sign autographs, and I guess all hell just broke loose." --Cranky Bear
 Tonight on Guiness Prime Time: You'll see a man go for the loudest armpit fart ... one man's journey into madness as he watches 15 hours of back-to-back episodes of "Touched By An Angel" ... and will this woman survive after attempting a baptism via a 200-foot plunge into a mall fountain? Stay tuned!!! --Cranky Bear
 Damn right I got the blues. --Huh?
 Remember, folks-- When in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, don't eat the experimental chewing gum. --Valvoline
 Stop! Rama time! --Pete, salvaging Crack Baby
 Welcome to France's newest attraction, the Mall of Magritte. The food court is in your right nostril, right below the dwarf. --phil
 Allah comes to earth for a soft pretzel and an Orange Julius... --Doc Evil
 Musing quietly, Saint Peter reflects on the frivolity with which God spent the income bonus "decorating" heaven. --Magus
 Sarong, suckers!!! --Doc Evil

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