IADL #395
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 Looking at the 76 Station prices, Jack recalled the old days when a tankful of regular cost five dollars, a pack of smokes cost a buck, and an hour with a decent whore would only run you twenty-five smackers. Of course, that was back in his old parish. --Cranky Bear
 When I first started at the gas station three years ago, the guys would snicker and send me off to test windshields for bugs that might still be alive. But they snicker no more, for now I have been promoted to Chief Bug Life-Sign Inspector! -- Testimony from 76's employee handbook, Section 4 (Equal Opportunity), Paragraph C (Fucking Retards). --Cranky Bear
 I'll show 'em, thought Harvey, They'll never put words into my mouth again. --Santa Claustrophobia
 Joseph Conrad's "Car of Darkness" --Bleech_
 It's a little known fact that aside from being a jazz guitar legend, Leon Redbone and his chopped and channeled Duece Coupe went undefeated in over 200 match races on Paradise Road. --Opie
 "*snif* They're right....everybody hurts..." --Pete
 After repeated complaints, the New Jersey State Police agreed to stop using this picture on their firing range. --Shem
 La la la, I want to fuck you like an animal, doo dee doo, I want to feel you from the inside. Swing it, baby! --Rev. Evil Ed
 Joe froze. The person in the car next to him was staring directly at him. He swallowed hard, wishing he'd remembered to put his windows up before singing Alanis Morrissette's "You Oughtta Know" at the top of his lungs. --Pete
 What darkness lurks in the pump boy's heart? The nearly-senile, incontinent Shadow knows. But doesn't much care, any more. --Orrin Bloquy
 As veteran news photographers know, attempting to photograph Henry Kissenger without the use of specially designed lenses reveals the hideous, eldritch darkness cloaking his body and immediate surroundings from the gaze of mortal eyes.. --Annna
 Gavin was struck speechless. This was a story he could tell his grandchildren. Imagine, actually sitting at a red light, 7 feet from the keyboard player from Sparks! --Opie
 Shirley decided her next "book on tape" would be read by someone besides Fran Drescher. --Bad Girl
 By day, he was just a nondescript motorist driving an American gas-guzzler, but by night he was FUELMAN, defender of life, liberty, and high oil prices! --Wabewalker
 Sadly, Horatio had chosen the rental car that featured the ill-fated "neck belt" driver safety device. --CrackMonkey
 This still from Death Scenes 2: Man, This Shit Cracks Us Up shows a two-foot tall man who has hanged himself inside a Volvo. All he left behind was a note, which said "I did it for Herve." --Pete
 Eugene Levy stars in the misguided Disney comedy sequel, "Harold, the Erotic Buick". --Crack Baby
 o/` Car! Uh huh! Woooo OOOOOHHH woooaaa! What is it good for? Sittin'n traffic! Say it again! o/` --Crack Baby
 I asked this guy if he had any Grey Poupon 17 times before he finally cracked and threw the jar at me. --jfis
 It's been ten years since they axed our show. Hasselhoff is surrounded by chesty blondes on 'Baywatch,' and I'm stuck helping John Nobody to deliver pizzas in Texarkana. Who did I piss off at that show to deserve this? --agm
 ...We're back on WDFC with more songs that make you want to kill pedestrians. Here's White Zombie. --Mr. ?
 Photo taken shortly after that truck hit Joe Black, but before the driver changed his pants. --Yogurt and Pot-boilers back after a brief computer meltdown
 If my hands weren't up my ass, they'd be steering my home! --HoeCake
 "Tonight's in-depth report: Is this man a pedophile? Although we have no evidence whatsoever, we will show you tonight how this man might be be a pedophile! Stay tuned!" --crispy
 It had been so long, but Simon just couldn't let go... "What the hell does 'norkharden wimblefaust' mean anyway?" A single tear ran down his cheek. --Pete

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