IADL #399
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 Brainwashed by Zappa tunes, the pimps of Duluth take caution against the evils of weasels ripping their flesh by wearing multitudinous layers. --Al-Muhammad Qataf Quabbah Anafgh Smith
 Dean Jones waited for days -- but no one checked out his autobiography. --Bad GIrl
 As she silently approached, Judy-Lyn reached from behind to get the chloroform. She *would* bear Tom Baker's offspring, come hell or high water. --Orrin "Dr. Hoopty" Bloquy
 January 1, 2000: Ralph stands in mute horror at his investor's office as the LED display shows the Y2K bug tripping his NASDAQ into a frenzy of stock play. --Orrin Bloquy
 "Okay, so Kid Flash, The Shadow, and the Grim Spectere of Death walk into a library ..." from jokes that make you cringe, P. 278 --Riff
 From the back he looks like a private dick. But from the front he ain't so private... --Rabbi Pamala Anderson Lee
 Julie managed to stash several copies of "Help for Cleptomania for Dummies" in her backpack. --siren
 After their long exile in the Impossible Zone, they have returned...angrier. Deadlier Funnier. John Travolta and Gary Oldman are...GOOFUS AND GALLANT. --Pete
 The library staff had standing orders not to let Mike check out any more Raymond Chandler books. --Shem
 I still think they should have stuck with first-person perspective, but besides that Blood 3 is really cool! --Werehamster
 Read it again, Sam. You read it for her, now read it for me. And keep readin' it... --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 ...and the #1 way to make a Doctor Who fan storm off in disgust: Call it "the ReTARDIS". --phil
 "Yes, Where are the books on fashion located?" --jfis
 Roland was taken aback; this was certainly not the Dark Tower, and where the hell were his pants? --anon
 Yessir, Winchester Model 30s are in aisle 5. --anon
 Men in Blah --jfis
 "What makes you think I'd know where the Zane Grey novels are, @$$hole?" --BAR-1
 I remember my old librarian telling me that books would take me to far off places and involve me in outlandish adventure. I just never dressed for it, tho. --Crack Baby
 The Story Lady's fans arrived early for photos. Later, they would steal scans from the latest Playboy and perform their nefarious deeds on Paint Shop Pro. --Daniel M. Laenker (salvaging Bad_Girl [love ya!])
 In this scene from "Miami Beach Vice" Moishe Crockett and Yitzahk Tubbs bust an unlicenced mohel selling black market bris behind the JCC. --Poitin
 This was the book-finding showdown of the century...Tom, one of the last pure users of the Dewey Decimal System-versus Steve, a next generation computer user. The air was filled with tension as each man readied himself...in the distance a car parked... --R.J.M.
 Ironically enough, the Black Portal to the Impossible Zone of Torture and Dispair was located next to the "Comedy" section. --BAR-1
 Oh, it's all fun and games until someone yells, "There can be only one!" and starts lopping off heads. --Crack Baby
 Sirhan the Librarian braced for battle. He had just reshelved the entire "Romanesqe-to-Violin" section of the Library of Congress, and no infidel senator was going to touch a damn thing. --Yogurt and Pot-boilers
 "We're here to kill some kobolds, motherfucker!" --Pete (salvaging himself)
 Bruce and Seth come to the library for a public reading of their new children's book, "Bi-Curious George"... --Tillman
 The last anyone saw of Steve was when he closed his copy of 'Dimentional Travel for Dummies' and exclaimed 'Oh, so that's how it's done!' --Mr. ?
 Out of habit, the two Magic, the Gathering players halted as they passed and mentally estimated how many life points the other had. --Mr. ?
 One of these people is not like the other, one of these people is really a REPLICANT! Get him, Blade Runner! --Mr. ?
 Read 'em, cowboy! --Deiphage
 It was too late. Reginald, trapped indoors too far from any exit, was about to definitively demonstrate why they were called "windbreakers." --your dad
 "You call that a sashay? This is a sashay..." --jfis
 Oh, Virgin Records. Nevermind. --Yakko
 "So there could be as many as six toddlers in there? We should have shotguns for this kind of deal." --Deiphage

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