IADL #406
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 Dwayne patiently waited backstage for his entrance. This was it. This would be the role that would catapult him into the public eye. He'd be on stage any minute now. They would stop laughing at him now. He'd show them all. He would be the definitive Godot. Just waiting for that cue... --Brettt Maverick
 "Who needs to be 18 to see an 'R' movie anyway? I'll just sit here outside the theater with a good copy of "Little Women". --SPRFREAK
 "Man, I'm sure glad I got here early! This Diff'rnt Strokes at Sing-Sing reunion concert is gonna ROCK!" --Riff
 Yup, that's a Xanth novel. --Riff
 "Damn! It says here that Elvis is dead! And these tickets are non-refundable!" --Riff
 Will read John Grisham for food. --Shem
 Ed realizes he's not going to be able to sneak past Customs with a dead baby kangaroo in his bag. --Shem
 A scene from "Fear and Loathing in Des Moines". --Stickman
 How cheap was Glen? A bookmark was too expensive. --DavidK
 The bulletin board and information desk provided good cover for surreptitious nose-picking sessions, but Jerry continually forgot about Camera #3. --Cranky Bear
 Armed with only a Swiss Army knife and a fourth-grade reading level, Irwin had only gotten to the fourth paragraph of Eyeball Removal For Dummies before the blood loss caused him to pass out. --Cranky Bear
 "Yeah, he tried to be tough on the set, but when the shoot was over, the little pussy would pull out his battered copy of Where The Red Fern Grows and read the last chapter over and over. We couldn't take his bawling anymore." -- Dennis Franz, On Canning Caruso. --Cranky Bear
 Bill Gates sits in his custom built, 3000-square-foot bathroom, pondering his next move -- mutantdog
 Another purchaser of "The Tibetan Book of the Dead for Dummies". --A Grouch
 Nyarlathotep Isn't the goat in the woods with the thousand young? Damn, I must have flunked the exam. --Werehamster
 El Mariachi 3: Now he's some white Irish guy, and his weapon of choice is now the double entendre, but he still kicks ass! --Horselover Fat
 Nobody could possibly have imagined the record low turnout for ShatnerCon '99. --Stickboy
 Distraught after losing his job as head bell-hop, Mikey turned to the Jamaican book of the dead for help. His hotel manager would never sit comfortably again. --HoeCake
 The tragedy of the ursinophobic: having to hide in the lobby while the rest of your family enjoys the giant fiberglass country bears. --Wabewalker
 "Three days ago, I was met in the hall by a guy who asked me to help hold up a wall. He set me up here and said he'd be back, but does it take three days to get a quick snack? Well, I meant what I said and I said what I meant. A freshman is faithful, one-hundred percent!" excerpted from Horton Has a Hazing, by Dr. Seuss --snackwhore
 I always cry when I read the Penthouse Forum, too. --Mr. ? (not)
 And Conan O'Brian Wept. --Mr. ?
 In the interest of science, Howard decided to see for himself if reading Kathy Lee Gifford's autobiography was anything like a poke in the eye. --Ogdred
 Mid-level job in Accounts Receivable at Westmate Office Supply Warehouse? Check. Largest collection of "Precious Moments" figurines in the tri-county area? Check. D&D fanatic? Check. Ronald was beginning to wonder if there were some minor inaccuracies in his copy of Chicks for Dummies. --Craig (gotta love salvaging your own caption)
 "What is this namby pamby bullshit? I haven't seen a single reference to hypno-hair for twenty pages!" --Lots42@aol.com
 Ralph the 1st-level mage works hard to memorize that Friends spell -- man, does he need it. --Stealth
 Unable to start a decent book-burning fire, Cletus resorted to smearing boogers inside books he thought should be banned. --BAR-1
 Nursing his bloody nose, Howard regretted asking the librarian where she kept the "fuck-books". --Uncle Roy
 And here we are. Contemporary photographer Niel Langham has brought us a dazzling juxtaposition of light, life, and lonliness. Notice the space is empty, devoid of population, yet it adds so much depth to the despair of one singular person. Amazing work. The title is "Just Before I Got the Finger". $2500. --Crack "Missin' Gene Siskel" Baby
 Junior sits alone, relishing sentence after sentence of bitter, spiteful -- hey, wait a minute! This hits a little too close to home! --Bad Girl
 Huh. Loitering for Dummies. Can't wait for the reviews on Amazon.com. --Orrin Bloquy
 Rob invoked the litany of fear as when he got to the scary bits in "Dune". --Twisted Mentat
 The new rules for the creation of ice shield powers for imtermediate orc druids brought tears to Freddie's eyes. --A Grouch
 Andy Richter wipes away a tear as he peruses the script for this evening's Late Night with Conan O'Brien. "Genius," thinks he. "Sheer genius." --snackwhore
 Distraught at the lack of proselytizing Hare Krishnas on the LaGuardia night shift, Kevin pulls out his copy of The Complete Guide to Swami Antipaladins and is immediately put at ease. --Daniel M. Laenker (I did my best...)
 Gustav, the Master IADL Lurker prepares to boldly enter the real-world captioning scene. He had a blank sign, and a copy of "Obscure pop-culture references of the late 70s". Yeah. This was gonna be good. --Brettt Maverick

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