IADL #418
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 I can't do anything right! sobbed Larry as he flung himself out the window in suicidal distress. Luck was with him, however, as 1) he forgot he was at ground level, and 2) a team of National Enquirer reporters was there to break his fall. --Cranky Bear
 Sick of extras and stunt doubles mocking him, Chuck Norris was determined to get his GED. --crispy
 The cover of any Marc Cohn album. --Pete
 Saul watched Tina walk away, like so many other women had walked away before her. "Why do I do it?" he thought, "Why do I tell them 'Yes...my mother does dress me'? I must learn to lie if I'm to find real love." --Uncle Dave
 Yes, they were only squirrels scampering outside, thought Roy...but they stir something deliciously forbidden in my loins. --Uncle Dave
 "How To Make Women Disappear....wow, it worked already!" --Stealth
 No, the picture's not blurry, this man's just had way too many Mochachinos. --The Notorious D.F.C. (ya see, he's so hopped up on caffiene...oh, never mind)
 You see? It's a guy! *giggle!* And he's drinking COFFEE!!! *spitter-sputt* --Rotter
 It looks like another night of bishop flogging. --Les Miserables
 When Harry met no one. --Waldo
 Starbucks's live Web-cam. Total number of hits: 7 --Kevy
 Larry sat in contemplation of the Romance aspects of his new poem: Here I sit/Broken-hearted/I cannot finish/What I started/If I had eaten Fiber-One/I could now end/what I have begun. --anon
 Look at all the girls! There must be 57 tits out there! --Pastor of Muppets
 "I must find a way to stop Christmas from coming... but HOW?" --rudy pepper
 Yakov thought hard... "How do I top the genius of 'What a Country!!'?" --rudy pepper
 God help me, but if get one more degree and still don't meet any college chicks I'm just going to hang myself in that tree. --SlappyJack
 shit...I might as well get extra onions on my burger...it's not like I have a social life... --Les Miserables
 Guided by some unknown force, Charlie sculpts his leftover mashed potatoes into an ogre attacking a Hyundai with a club. --agm
 As soon as John spotted the cat, he realzied that the rest of the day had pretty much planned itself. --hate
 Ten fucking years of getting up the courage to tell my parents I'm gay, and all they have to say is, "Duh, big surprise?" --Pastor of Muppets
 Stop me if you've heard this one, "Claude Raines and Freddie Mercury are in a latte bar..." --Mr. Yummy Pants
 Spinn's continuous testing of the Cat-on-Marijuana-Cam. --BAR-1
 Gerald's fiancee was perfect in every way, except for the silent and invisible part. --Orrin Bloquy
 Morey hated it when the voices in his head shouted out the answers to the Junior Jumble. --Bad Girl
 The only man in America who reads Mary Worth. --Bad Girl
 Yuppie kickin' it old school. --Valvoline
 "Dammit, man," thought Godot. "I told those bastards to be here an hour ago." --RipperJak
 "Are you foaming at the mouth or just glad to see me?" -- Roger checks off another sure-fire pickup line. --Ape with Attitude
 Every once in awhile, the zookeeper would bang on the glass with a stick in a desperate attempt to stir up some activity in the yuppie exhibit. --tralfaz
 Whoa! Fat Albert's streaking through Central Park! Don't see THAT everyday... --Doc Evil
 Tip to the wise, Ned: A crappy Toshiba laptop is what makes you look hip in the coffeehouse, not the Sporting News open to the dog-track section. --Orrin "Waitress, these biscotti are stale" Bloquy
 Neo-beatniks loitering in your coffeehouse getting you down? No problem! Just install our patented JavaJack in the foundation, tip over the building, and shake out those squatters! (Not responsible for damage to dishware) --Wabewalker
 That 'Everybody hurts' song really does work better in a car. --Mr. ?
 If Jarvis looks outside and sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of programming. --Mr. ?
 Oooh wait, there's still some ketchup on the edge of this plate... mmmmm. --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 A programmer eating alone. You don't see that everyday. --Mr. ?
 Calgon, take him away! --Mr. ?
 While admiring his new, nifty mod haircut in the glass, Fred sees several adolescents kicking the crap out of his moped. --A Grouch

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