IADL #421
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 Yeah, he looks like he has job pride. But he fakes it and doesn't tell anyone. Just like his wife. --Crack Baby
 The placard embedded in his forehead served as a reminder that Gramps shouldn't mouth off to the wrong customers --Bleech_
 "This jackalope card always cracks me up, a hyuk a hyuk a hyuk" --Doctor Poodle
 " 'We Wish You a Tinky-Winky Birthday?!?' I lost my left arm in Korea for THIS SHIT?? " -- mutantdog
 "My God" thought Webster, "this simple Snoopy card has crystalized the expression of my passion for Miss Ruby! Yes...tonight, she will be mine..." --Uncle Dave
 Paul was indeed schizophrenic, but he posed no threat. The voices in his head usually just chatted amongst themselves. --Uncle Dave
 Harvey, sterile and bitter, "disappears" the Grandparents' Day cards again this year. --crispy
 Jim checked another... they all said "Kill the Bitch." After that, the day just sort of planned itself. --crispy (thanks go to hate)
 While arranging the cards, he heard the five words he hated more than anything in the world: "Hey, isn't that Wilford Brumley?" --Mitch
 You've Got Mail 2: Junk Mail. So...hee hee...so this woman, played by Meg Ryan, starts up another relationship over e-mail--*snicker*--and, and it turns out that the guy she falls in love with is...wait for it...A FAT OLD BALD GUY! Don't you get it?! It's a switcheroo! BAH HA HA HA HA HA! Oh GOD I wish I was dead! Two stars. --Pete
 The scary thing isn't that most people mistake this person for Ed Asner. The scary thing is that this is Ed Asner's wife. --crispy
 Because of frequent "disturbances" involving novelty cards featuring scantily clad women, this Hallmark's security cam was mounted waist high. It really took the fun out of Clyde's day. --crispy
 Walter sadly realized that no condolences card could undo the damage to either his reputation or Mrs. Morgenthau's sofa... --rudy pepper
 Hey! 'I'm glad you're dead, rot in hell bitch!' That moment of joy when you find the perfect card. Just another Hallmark moment. --DBH
 Bob objected to the banners taunting his age around the store. --Skywise
 Yep! It's the week after St. Patrick's Day. Time for Christmas sales. --Santa Claustrophobia
 Fuck. No "I'm sorry I forgot my Depends and shat in your new golf cart" cards. --Samwise
 This man has no need to look for a "Sorry I cheated on you with a 20-something coed." card, does he? --BAR-1
 After two loyal years of service in Wal Mart's greeting cards department, Leroy is fired after being found bent over, pants around his ankles, shouting, "Kiss my ass, Hallmark! KISS MY ASS!" --Crack "What the hell?" Baby
 "Let's see, 50th wedding anniversary, I guess this 2 buck card will do." --pa
 Spinn's going to Walmart to try to find dysfunctional lives? The devil you say! --mooey
 The AARP censor responsible for removing all the "Happy Birthday, you old fart!" cards from your local Hallmark store. --RoBear
 ...no...no..."You'll Do For Another Year." Bingo! --Rotter
 Hmm...I suppose it'll sound more sincere if Snoopy says it instead of Garfield... --Rotter
 Gilligan's Wal-Mart: "Beware of falling prices, little buddy!" --Doc Evil
 Having lovingly arranged the Christmas card display into a perfect wall of Hallmark marketing, Walt is understandably upset when he is reminded that it is March. --jacquitequila
 Here we see the modern-day American version of the old Eskimo ice-floe tradition -- mutantdog
 Wal-Mart: Watch out for falling PANTS! --Hooper_X
 Man...if this is how Private Ryan ended up, why the fuck did we save him in the first place?! --Pete
 When you care enough to send the Berry Vest. --tralfaz
 'What the.. . here it is in the 49 cents clearance section. Damn bitch told me she made that card herself.' --tralfaz
 15 years after retiring from the police force, Marvin continually shouts 'Up against the wall and spread 'em, punk!' to criminal ghosts that exist only in his senile, deteriorating mind. --agm
 Hallmark wisely made only one Alzheimer's card. Guess they figured who'd notice. --Rotgut
 Ned didn't take the job for the money. Nor did he take it in order to meet chicks. He just couldn't find his way out of the store. --aK h
 With the help of Lithium, actor Rod Steiger is living a carefree, satisfying life now. --Orrin Bloquy
 May 12, 2042: ABC: The Drew Carey Show. Wackiness ensues when Drew is forced to moonlight at Wal-Mart to make Mimi's alimony payment. --Orrin Bloquy
 When you care enough to send a buck ninety nine card. --Mr. ?
 They finally arrested Bob in the greeting card section. He claimed to be following orders, but the management assured the authorities that he was told to slash prices. --Deiphage
 After hours and hours of wandering, Leo finally found the "I watch you undress through a telescope every night" card section --Bisti
 How sweet. This 'Happy Birthday from Garfield' card comes with its own hairball. --agm
 "Money's Tight and Times are Hard, so Here's Your Fuckin' Christmas Card." I'll get this one. --Werehamster
 Maybe I should have taken that career aptitude test.... --Bad Girl
 When I find the one that keeps playing that tune over and over again..... --Bad Girl
 Unknown to customers, "cleanup in aisle five" was just a code word for Uh-oh, Bob's had another "accident." --aK h
 And I would have gotten away with switching the price labels if it hadn't been for you meddling kids! --Mr. ?
 Five bucks says he goes postal slightly before restocking the kwanzaa cards. --RipperJak
 Aha, here were are. Nothing says class like a birthday card with naked fat woman on it. --Crack "Those Cards Make Me Physically Ill" Baby
 God, I love seniority. I could whizz on these cards all day and still never get fired. --Mr. ?
 To see this man naked, click here. To make him keep his clothes on, click here ($25 will be billed to your credit card). --Yakko
 Ha. If I wanted to send him a 'Get well soon' card, I wouldn't have brained him with the two by four in the first place. --Mr. ?
 The year is 2037. The employee is any schmuck who made a fortune on a dotcom in the 90's. --Heath
 Dave, searching for a card for his Klinefelter's Syndrome-stricken brother, who has decided to finally have the operation to become a full woman after all, suddenly ralizes why Hallmark leave the insides of some of them blank. --Werehamster
 "Happy Father's Day...but not for you, Gunslinger" --Bleech_
 Bracing himself, Stu prepares to empty the store with one of his 'Guns of Navarone' tooters. --anon
 Al's favorite pasttime was "assuming the position." --Yakko
 "'Invest your retirement money in Commodore', he says... Atari is gonna go even higher!' he said... 'You'll never have to work again!...stupid friggin broker...." --Leth
 "2 tours of duty in Korea, 30 years at the mill, now I'm here. Somebody's gonna pay at the next blue-light special." --Elvis Presley
 Paul made sure to keep Hallmark's S&M Cards division stocked with plenty of 'You're spank-o-riffic' cards, 'Happy Birthday to a whip-tastic person' cards, and of course, 'Get Well Soon...Sincerely, Your Local Leather Shop' cards. --agm
 Detritus reset the Illuminati's code. Who keeps buying these Ziggy cards, anyway? he wondered. --crispy

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