Single White Female Syndrome continues to spread! --Ken
The "Great Goiters of the World" display at Madame Toussaud's was not a success. --RoBear
Which led to the invention of the Bausch & Lomb dissolving buttplug. --Orrin Bloquy
Billy Bob & Freddie Jo Jackstand, poster children for NASCAR --Poitin
I bet you'd never guess these guys like to bowl --themightymightyquinn
Vertical stripes, check. Dark colors, check. Stand next to the only guy fatter than you, check. --Shifter
"... tracked this mother for five hours.. took FIVE SHOTS to bring 'im down when 'e charged..." --Kitsunesan
No one tried to screw with John after he replaced the original bouncer with the robotic SodomAction(TM) hillbilly. --TSC
It was in issue 86 of Superhick where Barry salvaged his secret identity by appearing at the same time as ol' SH... --TSC
Wow, talk about Kismet. I was just wondering why the hell there weren't any Fat-Ass Ventriloquist's Dummies operated by even more Fat-Ass Ventriloquists. And now I know. Wow. --the Engine
Behold, the power of cheese. --Orrin Bloquy
Walter stood with arrogent pride, but the fatness demon was about to humble him! --Dr. Bob
Howard and Gordon Girthenbach set out to single handedly put Kentucky Fried Chicken out of business and almost suceeded. --Kirok
I just want to know how in the Hell you talked this guy into posing next to that freakish thing. I mean stripes at this time of year? Shit. ---Mr. Yummy Pants
As Ronny turned and posed for the picture, Margaret inexplicably became painfully aware of her growing dissatisfaction with their marriage. --King Catherine the Transvestite
What's missing from this Picture?..A couple of mopeds. --Clang
Thought the banister, "Oh, God, please crop me out of this picture." --Heath
People unclear on the concept at the tryouts for Callista Flockhart's stunt double --Ken
The new Super-Wide-Ass lens...only from the minds at Minolta. --Les MIserables
Yes, you too can get down to a fighting weight of 310 by keeping to a vigorous walking schedule, drinking DIET Super Big Gulps, and only consuming one ham at dinner. --Slappyjack
I wrote the best caption I ever made for this picture, but then these two ate it. --Mr. ?
As the picture shows, the slimming effect of vertical stripes in our "Fat Bastard Collection" shirts is obvious! --Slappyjack
"We here at Ford Motor Co. are proud to announce our new SUV test dummy..." --rudy pepper
Billy Ray Cyrus ten years after releasing "Achy Breaky Heart" -- anything for a little limelight, or key lime pie. --Ape with Attitude
In case you're tempted to try that Moon Pie and RC Cola diet... --Ape with Attitude
After looking at his ad in the paper the next day, Billy Bob thought that maybe he should have gone with the big-breasted woman in the background... --Hobgobble
"And here's Neil in his stylish, yet understated striped oxford - note the rolled sleeves to disguise the missing buttons and the untuched tail to hide the boxer shorts' elastic band. Underneath, of course, he wears a black 'Metallica' T-Shirt and tops off the ensemble with a pair of $39 Eyemasters' 2-for-1 special and the classic harido 'hanging redneck perm.' Thanks Neil!" ----from Hick fashion '99: Live from the Atlanta Wax Museum! (mitch)
Look, I don't see any good reason why you won't let me submit a caption that says "I can almost hear the banjos playing." I mean, can't YOU hear them playing? CAN'T YOU? --The Enigm
It's only a matter of minutes before this guy breaks out the mic and starts karaoke-ing to the B-52's "Love Shack". That is, if all my nightmares have any basis in reality... --AQUALUNG's freaky-ass dream
You know, I remember when I used to look forward to a Heart video --Bill
What they don't tell mail-order brides. --Yogurt and Pot-boilers
If you toss a banjo into the air in Ohio anyone who catches it knows how to play it! --badlawyer
When Richard Simmons dreams....... --Poitin (props to Garry Larson)
Wellllll...don't we know who's been cheating on our "Hunger strike for the rainforests"? --Poitin
If Teletubbies were from Appalachia... --Poitin
Jabba the Hick --Bad Girl
What's so funny about this? I have both those shirts! --Bad Girl
Despite the authenic models, audiences hated Disney World's next attraction -- Country Fat-Ass Jamboree --Bad Girl
Reason number #3684 why Oklahoma is not O.K. --A Grouch
Clarence won Grand Champion Taxidermist at the county fair with his tasteful, lifelike presentation of Cousin Ed. --A Grouch
Didn't you girls say that what you look for in men is a sense of humor? --Mr. ?
Yes, I'm fluent in whale song! --Mr. ?
While many white-bread Americans flock to Princess Di's gravesite in England, many fat people make pilgramages every year to Wyoming to visit the shrine of Palmer. --RipperJak (worth the shot)
I see the RealDoll company has expanded into, umm, sidestream markets. --Werehamster
If you are what you eat, I'd say he was Trenton, New Jersey. --Mr. ?
Scientists are still working to isolate and eliminate the 'Bubba' gene. --Mr. ?
What the strip dancers really look like when you are sober? --cmo
"Now clean your plate, you know there are children starving in Africa." --Mr. Me
Next, on Where Are They Now: Far Side extras. --Namgubed the Merry Elf
Calvin Klein ads...ya gotta love 'em! --Hamball
And we're not leaving here until I discover who drank all my Bulkgainer-2000. --Mr. ?
Where are you girls going? What? Is it my breath? Dandruff? What? --Mr. ?
Would you believe these guys are actually vegans? --DMW
"Can you imagine what life must have been like for this dork? Toting around all those extra pounds, serious B.O., stuck wearing ugly clothes 'cause they're the only things that fit, and... Honey, why are you smirking?" --flodnak
Pamela Anderson's implants strike out on their own. --Yakko
Meatoaf : Like a bratwurst out of smell. --Cardriving Catsnacks
Shortly after, they closed down the 'All You Can Eat N Bowl' --Mr. ?
Zeke : Bubba :: Explorer : Expedition --Gladstone
One spark and down in flames he goes... oh the humanity! --Mr. ?
My brother Phil inspired this restaurant's slogan: "Choke on our steaks, and the taxidermy is free!" --Bad Girl
When buffet managers have nightmares..... --Poitin
Bill just stared at his cup of beer. The ripples were getting stonger. --Mr. ?
The irony is that under his plaid and overalls, he's got on a t-shirt that reads: No Fat Chicks. --Mr. ?
I reccomend the Lost at Sea for Sixty Days Diet. --Mr. ?
Bubba just sighed and thought of a happier time. A time when he would have been considered the wealthiest and most attractive man in the kindgom. --Mr. ?
Bet they wash themselves with a rag on a stick. --Crack "Fat Bart" Baby