whew! Pinching an inch really makes my nipples hard! --anon
Whut? I'm with the DeeJay... I'm with the DeeJay, Okay? Look... --Doc Evil
I was pleasantly surprised; all I had to do was give the photographer a blowjob and I'd get to be in IADL! Of course, I agreed immediately. I was going to be famous! --Paula Puddingpop, Diary of an IADL Bimbo --The Lawyer
"Nothing gets between me and my Calvins," says Chelsea Clinton, as she models CK's "Presidential Slut Daughters" line, out this fall. --Kurt S.
Hi. My name's Lolita, and this here's Tanqueray. We were just wonderin...oh, never mind. --Greg J
This is the Boss's new temp. She can't type, doesn't know what a xerox is, but likes to tell everyone about her pierced clit. --Greg J
Elaine knew that soon the voices would come again, as she wandered the dormitory with her pants full and bulging with sour cottage cheese --BrickBat
Katie is yet another youth caught in the rage of wearing Depends Undergarments as this confident smile clearly shows. --anon
Who would have thought that an anal probe could be so much fun!! --Don Spudleone
Sure shes good lookin', but if she takes her hand away your gonna see a colostomy without a bag. --Duke of Kings
Steve was so proud. This shirt FINALLY made him feel like a Natural woman. AND ON SALE TO BOOT! --the wonder cheese
Thank God I found my pants!! --Don Spudleone
$40 and all I have to do is stand here and smile?? Piece of cake! What's the Dysfunctional Life? --Don Spudleone
No one knew why Barbara was always so cheerful. Only she and her cucumber knew the secret. --Don Spudleone
She always smiled like that just before revealing her navel shaped like the U.S.S. Constitution. --The Sandman
Mary Anne was incredulous. Two for one on fish yogurt!
"You guys have got to be kidding!" --The Turtle
Moments later, the peaceful scene would be shattered as Twinkles, the robot clown, blew a circuit and went on a rampage, leaving 43 dead and thousands injured. This nearby woman, oblivious of Twinkles to her right, would be its first target. --The Outsider
As the years went by, Sara never tired of the "I'm a little teapot" game, but she did take the precaution of staying close to an exit, just in case someone tried to "tip her over and pour her out" again. --Sauk Hawk
Yes, the Macarena is fun, kids, but it does make you look like a dork. --Capt. phealy
Republican Negative Ad Committee Propaganda Photograph #28(b): The President has absolutely NO control over his midriff-baring, club-hopping daughter Chelsea. --Newt G.
Sure, my prom date was pretty, but she wasn't exactly dressed "de rigeur." --anon
"...but most importantly, young ladies, your hair color should NEVER be a darker shade than your teeth." --"Martha Stewart's Big Book of DON'TS"
Carrie waits excitedly in line at the Grand Opening of "Burgers & Navel Piercings." --anon
After leaving the convent Fiona continued to be troubled by the pesky stigmata. --Ngoc van Trimble
Where, Like, Is The, Like, Exit? --JAB
Continuing with our Macy's White Trash Flower Days fashion show, here's Susannah with a little number that's all the rage in trailer parks across the nation. --Capt. phealy
Debbie turned 21 and celebrated by going to a nightclub. She considered the admittance stamp on her hand to be a status symbol and flashed it around the office the next day. --Coyote
Miranda had a great time. Her date was probably the most interesting, fun, and attractive person she'd ever met. Only the next morning, when she woke up and saw him lying in bed next to her, did she realize he was nothing more than a paper clown head taped to a broomstick. --Der Tanzer