For obvious reasons, nobody brought any attention to Meryl's stained shirt. --Mr. ?
Still won't talk, eh, Tinkerbell? Maybe if I turn up the heat? --Mr. ?
"....and the only way she'll learn not to eat lit candles is if we let her eat one." --The Enigma
He's been asking to get into my pants all day, but I don't know. He looks like a......um, let's see.....about a size 9 at least. --Mr. ?
Suddenly, Denise knew how many angels could dance on the head of a pin. But how many of them could Riverdance was a different question entirely. --Mr. ?
Sadly, Beavis and Butthead never met their ideal mates. --Mr. ?
The expressions on their faces make little sense until you see the bottle of pills and the empty glass on the table. --Monkeyglow
Gosh Roy, with that full manly moustache, I'd never guess you were a sixteen year old twerp. --Marlboro
Some of the more hardened teen criminals skipped 'Scared Straight', and were taken straight to their own family reunions for a look at their potential futures. --Marlboro
Not quite preppy, and not quite goth, the Goppies would hang out together wearing neutral greys. --Marlboro
BDSM Threesome looking for fourth. Must be clean, no IV drugs. Must be bi, enjoy scat, golden showers, pedophilia, anal, oral, and pain. Contact "Gleesome_Threesome@mistress.org". --AQUALUNG has seen it before, friends.
Burpy the Clown attracted the attention of Becky and Sandra. Bruce was disappointed. Didn't anyone want to watch him blow out the candles on his birthday quiche? --Ratman
"Go ahead! Wish for a set of teeth for your lower jaw!" --Mycophile
A birthday sweet potato pie? Yeah, that's believable. --I am Kirok
Jeff frowned; the cake was actually a pumpkin pie, and the hookers were actually his cousins. --Leaf
We'll be on the Web Wide World? Really? And we don't have to take our clothes off? --Horselover Fat
Alicia Silverstone's screen test for *The Other Sister* --Assilem
Chrissi (with an *i*) led the youth group in a rousing chorus of *This little light of mine* --Assilem
When your birthday falls on Thanksgiving, they just put a few candles in a pumpkin pie and plop it down on the kids' table. --Trainman
"So, Jeanne, how old is your brother today?" "Clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp..." --Leth
Why is my sister so much prettier than my girlfriend. Why?! --Bad Girl
"My Goofy Sister comes complete with five interchangeable grimaces and stuffable clothes capable of simulating up to 270 lbs. of flab. Guaranteed to keep sketchy guys disinterested." --King Catherine the Transvestite
Gary sighed. This cake was too small for anything to jump out of. --Bad Girl
Okay, who hasn't inhaled their nitrous oxide yet? --Bad Girl
It took John seven candles to realized they'd lied. "Sniffing wax" didn't do anything at all. --Bad Girl
Mike suddenly realized which one he's playing Footsies with. --Bad Girl
I missed that Seaquest re-run for this?! --Bad Girl
Ricky turned pensive at a crucial moment; no way the damn fool was going to get laid now. --ak sire
Rick thinks, "If my sisters don't get up and give me a lap dance, I'm gonna tell 'em where they can SHOVE this birthday party!" --Boris Baddenov
"What's that, Mr. Candle? Kill the mall? Why would I want to kill the mall?" --Hooper_X
Holy crap! When I first loaded this picture, my computer actually went "Ah-yuk yuk!" --crispy
Voted Most Likely To: Give the Clap, Get the Clap, and Clap at Stupid Jokes --crispy
Hot married babe sitting next to me? Check! Crappy Baskin Robins ice cream pie? Check! Edna, the slack-jawed yokel, guffawing it up on my left? Check! It's officially the crappiest birthday yet! --Crack Baby
Your mission, should you accept it, is to find someone in this picture with two X-chromosomes and her natural hair color. Good luck Jim. --Ken (this caption will self-destruct in 5 seconds)
A shot from the point of view of a stuffed raccoon on the wall of any TGI Fridays. --Rotter
Not even the whispered promise of the strategic use of hot wax could get Eric out of his funk. How could anyone get aroused when someone that looks like they're chewing a white picket fence is tagging along? --Magikaldragon
"My sister and I do everything together, even showering." Edgar didn't even have to feign indifference. --Stealth
"Please God, not again," Rick thought. But it was too late. His obnixious father's pants were already pulled down to his ankles, the alabaster, hairless orbs of his ass-cheeks bared for all to see. "Get a good look, Rickie Boy!" he said, as the room's laughter waxed. "I got yer fuckin' birthday right here!" --for(;;);
A scene from Mississippi 39339 - Fridays on UPN --DMW
Dick drinks to stop the voices in his head. Jane will start nine fatal fires this year. Sally is a moron. And they all vote more often than you do. --Mr. Me
"One more horse laugh out of Brenda and she's going to be wearing this pie. The only question is, should I blow out the candles first?" --flodnak
They didn't want to bring her along but they needed something to open their beer. --Waldo
Okay, just relax, keep it cool. Nobody's watching the birthday boy, so just sit still and don't freak out. Steve's peyote birthday paled in comparison to the Thanksgiving he'd found Grandma's medication. --Annna
Eddie was sick of being set up with girls who had "great personalities." --Boopy
"My birthday blows," thought Billy. "Hopefully my cousins do too." --Boopy
Being a newcomer to Abilene, Texas, Rick found it hard to appreciate the christian comedy of Sassy the Clown. --for(;;);
Happy Easily Amused Day, everyone! --Mr. ?
"Dear IADL: Why is everyone always posting Psychic Thing captions? -- Confused in Toronto" Well, Confused, they can't exactly ascribe psychic characteristics to any of the people in the IADL, now can they? --phil