IADL #468

 Vince's protest signs, while impressive, were a bit large. --Lowfyr
 Never speculate on someone's gender when attention is required for walking. --Brandolon Hill
 From the look of things, Bob is tangoing with the most lively life-form in the picture. --anon
 In an effort to calculate park usage by the blind, oversize glue-traps were strategically placed on various trees. --Shoggot
 Guy hoped nobody noticed he was using a hollow caber. --Riff
 Slightly retarded, Billy trolls around public parks, looking for 'a nice piece of ash'. --Riff
 The cover photo for the new book, "Scottish Caber Tossing For Idiots" --Colin
 Arbor Miscreantus had a particularly annoying habit of materializing right in one's path. --Crack "Tree Humping! Tree HUMPING! YEAH!" Baby
 While Chet illustrated proper use of his new RealTree, Ned could only look on disinterestedly; he knew his dreams of a RealIguana would never come true and the woman at the pet store was getting suspicious... --mdxi (going for the Unofficial DZ)
 The Gore administration steals the popular "I learned it by watching you!" slogan for a proactive environmental awareness campaign. --RM
 Joe had trained Ralph to climb trees and toss down the coconuts. Too bad neither of them has any clue what kind of tree coconuts grow in. --narcoleptic
 After two months and three hundred dollars, Jimmy's Ninja training just wasn't paying off. --Kearney
 Jake's prowess for fashion was only topped by his ability to make decidious trees achieve orgasm. --Kearney
 "Hey, Vinnie? Ya want some coconut? --Cuz' I can getcha some coconut if ya want some coconut, okay? --Vinnie?" --Valvoline (?)
 Hmmm, thought Jim, the apple pie was better. --narcoleptic
 With a devil-may-care swagger, Steve ambles up. "May I cut in?" --Marlboro
 Steve hated feeling like a third wheel. --Marlboro
 Bob, when I said the tree was second base, that's not what I meant. --Marlboro
 o/`` Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie-Roll to me. o/`` --Marlboro
 In his teen years, Rush Limbaugh was secretly a tree hugger. --Yakko
 I'm tellin' you, dude, if you wanna carry that thing around, just stick it in your pocket like me. --Norm DePlume
 By god he was going to GET THOSE BANANAS!!!! --Irmo Zero
 Man, that's one big Pinata! --Riff
 "And so I *have* gone to the ball! Oh, thank you, fairy godmother!" --Magus
 Dan and Ted re-live the glories of Woodstock 99. Later they would burn down a hot dog cart. --I am Kirok!!!
 "OK..(pant...pant)...how about here?" "Gosh, I just don't know, now I think I liked it better over by the rock garden." --Gaijin Marty
 Al loved to take his blind pal Ernie for nature walks. --Stealth
 OK, can someone drop a coconut on this yahoo's noggin and get the joke over with already? The Professor and Maryanne are waiting in the next scene on Stage 2... --rudy
 "And as you can see here, Stanley, with just a little more CGI, we can get the rating down to G." --Horselover Fat
 A teen-angst poem will be written about this experience by one of them later. --snackwhore
 Didn't think I could hit it onto the green from up there, did you? --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 Dude, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to remove your inner ear. --Mr. ?
 Next, on a very special Arbor Day epsiode of "Party of Five"... --Capn' Undead
 "Relax. We're just cuddling." --The Enigma
 Heyyyyy, Macare- **OOF** --Jenn Dolari
 And this is my best friend--Jumbo, The World's Tallest and Thinnest Elephant! Say Hi to Jodie, Jumbo! --Jenn Dolari
 "No, Stu, I don't think that makes you homosexual. Completely fucked in the head, maybe; but not homosexual." --crispy
 "Tim, look, I like you and all, but you just can't play hide-and-seek for anything." --Bucky
 Jim and Bo had the damndest time fetching David Letterman's toothpick. --Orrin Bloquy (self-salvaging until I go blind)
 "Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." But the Boy was too horny, and just humped a knothole. And the tree was happy. And a little excited." - From The Humping Tree, by Shel Silverstein. --Frenchy, the Toad Swallower, goin' for the long yardage with a humping tree caption.
 The X-Files Spinoff, "The Young Lone Gunmen", was a failure largely due to the fact every episode consisted of the trio live-action roleplaying in parks. --A Grouch
 Just out of sight, the ghastly, shambling corpse of Sigmund Freud poised itself to strike. --Magus
 Day one of DeVry Institute's "Phone Lineman's" course. --Skywise
 With the California old-growth redwoods pretty much a lost cause, Earth First reprioritzed and began chaining themselves to the trees in Fourth Street Park. --Robbbbb
 Yet another victim falls prey to Chuck's "Magic Bean" story. --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 "I decided to go Deciduous-chic when buying my autumn handbag." --TamerJane
 Unable to convince Connie that he was Spiderman, Clarence finally gave up and fucked a knothole. --Les Miserables
 Historians found this picture and a rough draft among Robert Frost's manuscripts: I thought that I would never see/ A moron smack into a tree. --Ask For It By Name!
 So, you're George of the Jungle's kid? --Mr. ?
 This just proves one of my pet theories... Behind every painful event in history, there lurks a Hanson... --Pliny
 Although getting the thing into the Phish show would obviously be problematic, Dan had to admit, the cops would never suspect Vince's new tree bong. --HasNoName
 Humpin' Harry embarasses himself in the park again. Jay scowled, shook his head, and wished that Silent Bob wasn't at a comic book convention in Denver. "These new sidekicks suck!" he mumbled. --Mr. Ben McClellan
 The rest of Stan's house had chided him for spending the food money on adhesives and paintbrushes. But tonight, they would feast. --for(;;);
 And then, as abruptly as they had left, the Entwives returned. --for(;;);
 Someone has a bright future as a Microsoft engineer. --Hang Lose
 You try finding a more attractive date in Missouri. --Magus
 A still from the NHTSA tree-collision test of a Ford Stoner Dude. --rudy