IADL #470
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 Things were groovin' at the 32nd Annual Incontinence Festival. --Plankeye
 "Aaaand they're off!! Jimmy's wasting away wonderfully, but Lester is decomposing right behind him!" --crispy
 You damn young kids, with your rock n' roll, your Dan Fogelberg, your Pac-Man, your Zima.... --Plankeye
 *sigh* Gravity- why fight it? --agm
 After their meal ticket in Germany was gone, the original singers for Milli Vanilli spent their waning days throwing bits of stale bread at teenagers. --Crack Baby
 Bartles and James. The dead years --connect-o-beard
 It was ballsy of Max to venture out into the park each day considering the fact that he was one good sneeze away from death. --Kearney
 Is it just me or are these Rolling Stones concerts really starting to smell like urine? --Kearney
 "Hey, Roger." "Yeh, Lem?" "Roger, do you remember fucking?" "No, Lem." --Horselover Fat
 Maury had matured like. . . In his golden years. . . Like a fine wine, Maury. . . aw fuck, Maury was just really fucking old. --Kearney
 Dr. Zeus and Cornelius were lost on this god forsaken, human-polluted world. Thank goodness for the clever ball cap disguises. --Talisker
 Every single person in this picture is wearing women's underwear. Leon, in the middle, also has on a pink satin bustier. --narcoleptic
 A few hits of Ecstasy should get this rave jumping... --rudy
 Uh-oh. One of these senior citizens farted. Not just any fart, but a rich, thick Yankee Bean Supper fart. --rudy
 Okay, somewhere in this picture there MUST be an Ecuadorean band dressed in ponchos and playing that SAME DAMN Simon and Garfunkel tune over and over with a guitar case open for donations next to a stack of tapes selling for $8 a throw and some little yap-yap dog running around leaving empanadas all over the sidewalk. Wait, yup, there's the guitarist in the back. Told ya. --rudy (and the Peruvian sweater stand is around here somewhere, too...)
 "The Two-Hour Blank Stare" scene from H.P. "Spanky" Beckett's Waiting for...Um...Uh...That Guy...Whazzis-Name. --Smokey
 Due to political pressures from the AARP, the 1999 remake of "Logan's Run" had the citizens going to carousel when they reach age 120. --Smokey
 "Hey Earl, remember when we used to go tree humping in the park?" "Huh?" "I said, remember when we used to go tree humping in the park?" "Huh?" "I said, remember when we used to go tree humping in the park?" "Huh?" "I said, Remember when...well dammit, now I forgot..." --Frenchy, the Toad Swallower
 Smithfield Memorial Park: Established 1906. Lester and Earl: Established 1907. --Bucky
 Merv and Oscar looked on in disgust. Mertle had been with them in a torrid threesome the night before, and there she was, less than 10 hours later, whoring herself out to Reynold, that damned Robber-Baron! --AQUALUNG
 While Clive ponders whether it would be more "Situationist" to steal the woman's purse or to tear her wig off, Ralph takes the "Dada" approach and wets himself. --A Grouch
 "Back with the Doc, I had it great. Yeah, you had to put up with all that 'fetch me a brain' crap, but the pay was good. REAL good." --Magus
 "Dang blam it, when I was your age, we'd doodle us some people-drawings, and make fun of them that night 'round the hearth while pa played fiddle. Confounded technology!" --crispy
 Fogeypalooza! --Doc Evil
 Disney's Latest Animatronic Theme Ride: The Bore-Your-Annoying-Kids-To-Sleep-By-Looking-At-Old-Guys of the Caribbean. --Kearney
 "Tarnation... How could they cancel the Limp Bizkit concert?" --narcoleptic
 This pic taken on Day 3 of the Markittsbug, PA Senior Center's tryouts for "Rent". --AQUALUNG
 Life at 80: Bingo, wait for bingo, poop self, nap, more bingo. --Skywise
 Yeah, baby! [hack] That's the way to wiggle! [haaawwwk] Oh, yeah. You know what you want. [ack] --Ratman
 "I still am the God of Fuck, you know." "Shut up, Marilyn." --Hunter
 "Golden years my ass! The only thing golden about these years is my sheets, and that's cause the piss valve don't work no more!" --AQUALUNG (i think my gramps really said this once)
 In the corner of the office we kept a pool on who was gonna go when. We had dates, years, hours..everything. Much like a morbid football pool, but much more effective. See, I managed to drop 1 or 2 a week. Sure, it's cruel, but we're talking a good $20 each! And it's not like they weren't gonna die anyway... --AQUALUNG
 Must've been a bomb scare at the Big Boy... --Cryptique
 Opening scene from: "Coccoon 4: Old Folks Waitin' For Those Darned Aliens" --AQUALUNG
 Zalfolg The Enchanter and his favorite Flesh Golem vacation in the future. --Capn' Undead
 "And remember -- American Family Publishers is the sweepstakes with our picture on it." --Mycroft
 "Think we'd score more chicks if we wore our caps backwards?" "Tried it, once, Max. Threw my back out." --Gaijin Marty
 Deep in meditation, the Jedi Masters pondered their next move against the Dark Forces. Then they had a nice nap. --Gaijin Marty
 THIS?! This is the retirement I'm working my ass off for?! Monday morning I'm cashing in my 401k, buying an old VW "Thing" and cruise Southern California for 19 year old hippie chicks who don't shave nothin'... --Tillman
 Hey, wait, I've got it, a 'buddy flick' starring, get this, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon! And they're crotchety! Damn, I'm great! Veronica, cancel my appointments and get me some more blow. --"Hollywood" Orrin Bloquy
 2037: With the entire computer world running GEOS '37 on Amiga Pluses, Bill Gates and Steven Jobs were left spending their Sundays in the park, watching the pigeons and telling each other to "bite me." --Orrin Bloquy (yeah, right)
 "Yeah, well, my grandkids call me two or three times a week, and they're dipshits, every damned one of them. I'd trade places with you in a second." --Rotter
 "See? Now they're just convulsing and vomiting. I'm tellin' ya, Earl, y'gotta mix the roach poison into the bread crumbs in small batches. By the time you're halfway through that big bucket of yours, the stuff's lost its potency!" --Rotter
 Centrum Silver does what now? --OAK
 It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful.. aww, Christ, McFeely, get your bowels checked, would ya? Smells like Limburger out here. Speedy delivery, my ass - get me the stool softener or you'll be tasting my loafers. Cocksucker. Where's my fucking trolley? And who let the cat chew on King Friday again? Fuckin' puppet looks like he has leprosy. Ahhh, meow-meow yourself - shoulda declawed you instead of old X the fucking Owl. "Won't you be my neighbor?" Ahh, bite me. Bastard. - Mr. Codger's Neighborhood --rudy
 "Hey Leo, y'know what I hate most about wetting my pants? I got nothing left when the pigeons get close enough to pee on." --narcoleptic
 I finally figured out why the lady in purple looks so familiar. I just saw her yesterday in chromed profile on a set of truck mudflaps. --rudy
 ...and through the magic of blue-screen, here we see the final scene from Raiders of The Lost Ark if the Nazis were getting melted in a Chicago park... --Flan!
 That's funny, thought Herb. This doesn't look like the casino. --RipperJak
 "I dunno. Bein' undead has its perks, but I really don't like that whole 'brain eating' number." --Magus
 "You know Fred, I think we got our teeth mixed up this morning." --Boopy
 Hopefully, this will be the very last Gilligan's Island reunion. --Marlboro
 The Ronco 'Colon Commando' scored two positive votes in a consumer trial of 10,000 . . . here they are. --Hang Lose (Back from Va-K)
 Since the NAACP included the aged in their 'under-represented on television' group, the UPN responded with the 'Hunchy and Scrunchy Pray For Death Hour' . . . and once again, they were just fucking wrong. --Hang Lose
 Hank knew that, when he actually preferred to sit with his back to the copper statues of naked women in favor of gawking at a tampon ad on the side of a bus, he had graduated from being a mere elderly letch to a full-fledged Dirty Old Man. --for(;;);
 Isn't that nice. They've exhumed Alfred Hitchcock to help celebrate his 100th birthday. --I am Kirok!!!
 "It's like a kind of torture..." "...to still be alive!" After "The Muppet Show" was cancelled, Statler and Waldorf moved from the mezzanine to the park. --HasNoName, standing on the shoulders of Jackie and RipperJak
 Where the programming staff at CBS gets their ideas. --Ape with Attitude
 "Hell, what do I need Viagra for? I can't even make a fist anymore..." --crispy
 Rosencratz and Guildestern Are Decrepit --Leth

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