IADL #485
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 Driven crazy by her delivery job, Shanice walked the streets teaching kids to be "that guy on the pizza box." --OAK
 "You see this? This is the world's smallest violin playing just for you." --OAK
 "If you don't behave, I'll pull the other tooth out!" --OAK
 "And this little piggy ... came off. Oh, dear." --Riff
 "This could have been your little sister! Are you happy, now, you money-sucking little brat?" --Riff
 Always the practical joker, Claire would give the kids in the Hassidic sections of Brooklyn bits of cheeseburger. --Leth
 "Here ya go go kid, have a pinch of snuff. It'll put some hair on yer chest! " --A Grouch
 "Give it back, damn it! Didn't I teach you not to bogart a joint?" --narcoleptic
 The pro's and con's of spending the day at the local ethnic festival. Food, friends, music.....Followed by shit filled diapers and a big sploch of puke in the back seat of the car. --tupid
 "This is the best suet money can buy, so 'mangia mangia', you little bastard." --The Interrupting Cow
 "..and this is how you piss Italians off." --Crack Baby
 "Oh, for Christ's sake, mom, I don't 'wanna widdle biddy bite uvva hamburbur.' I'll take a bite of that goddamned hamburger, though, if you'd be so kind. And don't give me that look." --The Enigma
 It'd be cuter if it were actually her baby, though....and it'd be even cuter if his parents weren't lying offscreen in pools of their own blood. --The Enigma
 Can't you read the sign, lady? Do not feed the free range babies! --Mr. ?
 Gerber made baby food nachos? Who knew. --Mr. ?
 "...but in the grand scheme of things, Mr. Potter, you don't amount to more than a scurvy little spider!" --Rotter
 "C'mon, don't you want another jalepeno, you wuss?" --Mitch
 in the first years after their marriage, Alvin and Betty were concerned that others would find their age difference repulsive. --anon
 The baby's parents are paying the babysitter $3 an hour. The babysitter is paying the parents back with a nice piece of greasy hamburger right before she takes the kid home. --Hobgobble
 "Come on honey. Finish your cheerios and you can have the entire fish head!" --Lots42@aol.com
 And then, the woman was crushed when God pushed the gray button. --agm
 Just eat it! We'll reassemble it after we get through aiport security! --Crapsman
 It's a bitch cutting up things this small, thought Jessica. Next kid, no double-lip piercing. --anon
 Rhonda then passed the doob onto little Joey, and proceeded to scarf down a large order of fries, a Reuben sandwich with extra sauerkraut, the paper plate, seven unused napkins, and a rubber shark squeaky toy. --rudy
 "Want some? Want some? Do you want some? You want some, don't you? Want some? Then you'd better get to growing longer arms, huh? Hurry! Grow, Billy! Grow!" --Bob, the Avatar of War
 The only way Mrs. Steiner could get little Mikey to calm down after lunch was by playing the make-believe handjob game with him. --Mattimeo & Monkeyglow
 Then a giant Brett Hull came skating past and slap-shotted the both of them into next Tuesday... --rudy
 "Excuse me, I was wondering if you could direct me to... oh, thank you. However I was just trying to get... no, thank you, I'm quite full. If you would just stop... Madam, please! I'm really not hungry. Bah! Good day to you woman. I shall find the bibliotheque myself." --the Engine
 Got your nose! Oh my God, I really do! --Werehamster
 Gladys thought, "I can never remember where these things go. Let's see...suppository begins with sup, so it must be oral." --Stealth
 Whoa...trippy. If you kinda squint, it looks like she has one really fat arm with an angry weasel head coming out of the elbow. --Annna
 Marnie found a sure fire cure for little Rickie's sniffles by shoving cheddar cheese Goldfish up his nostrils. --I am Kirok!!!
 "C'mon everybody in the park is doing it. You don't have to if you don't want to, honey...but if you're cool..." --Papa Smear
 Answer: This much. Question: How much does Mommy love you? --Ashhole
 I got rid of your baby sister when she was THIS BIG --Papa Smear
 .. and then I realized, shit, you're the cause of my stress, YOU take the goddamn valium! --wEB cONTORTIONs
 The good thing about being a baby is that you can practice projectile vomiting in any situation that you want. --RipperJak
 It's okay to eat some candy, but if you eat too much, killer demon clowns will tear you apart to get to the chocolate you ate. Well, here's your M&M. --Mr. ?
 The child prodigy coolly observed his tormentor. The fawning, mawkish sentimentality; the insipid cooing noises; the terrible food offered in patronizing and manipulative ways... "At least my head isn't shaped like a melon," he thought. --The Mad Puffin
 Soon they would have enough used diapers to fill the catapult -- and Delta House would have its sweet revenge. --for(;;);
 "Give it up, you cow! I'm not falling for that 'Have a raisin, sweetie' ruse again! I still can't get that bug taste out of my mouth!" --Dangerboy
 Five bucks says she leaves everything there, including a diaper filled with what looks like Betty Crocker Creamy Deluxe Chocolate Fudge Frosting, for the next poor slob to clean up. --rudy
 You're not getting my Miller Lite, mom! --David "Bob"
 The young Stephen Hawking's eyes glazed over as he mentally calculated a path over the collar of his mom's t-shirt and onto her nipples. --RIZZZ
 When you have a daughter of your own you'll expect her to help you eat your husband too. --Zaccan (gotta at least give it a try I says...)

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