IADL #488
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 Footage from the hit new Alaskan film "There's Something About Nanook" --The EXXXorcist
 No seals were harmed in the snapping of this picture...well, okay...ONE...but what the hell do you you want, IT'S ART DAMMIT! --Sylvester McMonkey-McBean
 At first, the Romans tried throwing the early christians to the sea lions. --Mr. ?
 Again you have failed me, Agatha. Find one that is younger, fresher, or you will answer to the walrus. --phil
 Oh yeah? I spend all day swimming, get sashimi fed to me on demand, and have all of my needs taken care of. Now tell me again, Ms. "I Have An SUV And More Debt Than the GNP of Venezuela And I Spend My One Week Off A Year Sitting On A Concrete Floor Looking At A Seal," how YOU qualify as the highest form of mammalian life on the planet... --rudy
 "hmm... a little chunky, olive skin, butterfly hair clip, loop earrings... looks like a Homo Sapiens Italianicus Princessius Santa Monicus to me..." --rudy
 Prosecution's Evidence #13-B in the Jon-Benet Ramsey case. As reported by Weekly World News. --Heath
 ". . . the best lawyer in town. No, really. You'll be out in no time . . . " --a mazuka named guy
 Timmy the Sea Lion, accussed of embezzling millions from his failed S&L, attempts to leave the courthouse by the back entrance, only to find the press waiting. Damn police leaks! --Crack Baby
 A day at the zoo, brought to you by FD&C blue dye #3. --Spun Clyde
 Only humans still found Peppy adorable; the other seals were repulsed by his hideous bacne. --Phat Cheops (Back + Acne, for the dim)
 Pssst! Need a kidney? --Coalcracker
 "Well, this Seal Patch must be working, I haven't clubbed one in days...not even tempted. Hmmm, maybe I should try the Wife Patch next..." --Ms. Anne Thrope
 "Honey, why are you rubbing fish guts all over our son?" --Pineapple Facelick
 Whiskers stopped by the glass stunned....the human woman was gonna take a dump right outside his tank...how foul. --Slibs
 Rhonda and Sammy hit it off, and soon went off to a bar. Their nascent relationship ended, however, when Rhonda thoughtlessly ordered a Canadian Club on the rocks. --HOLY JESUS BATFUCK!!!!
 "I don't know, honey . . . Maybe we should just have turkey for Thanksgiving." --the scottish valkyrie
 Seal-clubbing Lesson #1: It never hurts you to know your victim. Just keep your weapon of choice hidden. --the scottish valkyrie
 Yeltsin's Tomb resembled Lenin's, except the body was submerged in gin. --for(;;);
 When Animals Think Really Mean Thoughts About People, tonight on Non-Stop Fox! --crispy
 And question number one about this picture: Why the hell does this guy have a seal in his pants? --Mr. ?
 "As we can see harbor seals are terrible hostage takers, often releasing their kidnapping victims before they've received their payment of fishheads." --DieLifeDie
 Donna is working on her butt-crack displaying skills. Just another inch of exposure, and she'll be accepted at appliance repair school! --narcoleptic
 "Arp! Arp! Ballmer is in secret meetings with several DOJ people. Arp! Mention the June 12 meeting Roanoke and they'll shit their pants. Arp! Arp! Anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me! Arp! Arp!" Tune in next week for more adventures of SAMMY SEAL: MICROSOFT SPY --HasNoName
 "There you are" huffed Greg, "Will you stop teasing the animals, you're gonna get us thrown outta here!! They still have'nt gotten the primates to stop masturbating and throwing feces since you left." --I am Kirok!!!
 In addition to being the star attraction at the Huberville Zoo, Snuffy the Wonder Seal was also a board certified OB/GYN. --I am Kirok!!!
 Their plan had worked! While Wanda distracted the seals, Rodney entered the Arctic Exhibit and stuffed all the Puffins into his bag. --I am Kirok!!!
 Having tired of balancing balls on his nose, Sammy looks for an alternative form of playtime fun. --rudy
 I never touch the stuff, and I'm a sea lion. You must want Jones, in the next tank down. --Werehamster
 For some reason, all kinds of sea animals were transfixed by the sight of Sarah's bunions. --narcoleptic
 "Doctor, I think your experiment to grow an embryo in a tank is going horribly wrong..." --Wacko
 Luke may have looked shitty then, but soon he'd be strong enough to pull the ears off a gundar. --for(;;);
 I thought the official "IADL Seal of Approval" would be less... Literal. --Doc Evil
 Good eye Mr. Seal... good eye! --Magikaldragon
 There are NO fucking stupid Pokemon cards in that fucking purple bag. None. --peckinpaugh
 No, Dave is not watching the cute little sea lion. He is trying to distinguish what size underware the girl is wearing by looking at her waistband. --tupid
 You ever read that comic book where the mad scientist kills all the animals at the aquarium and reanimates them with Trioxin, and they start eating human flesh? --huh, a punchline? There isn't any punchline. --phil
 "In the year 2107 (by human reckoning), their irresponsible stewardship had resulted in the melting of the polar ice caps, and we pinnipeds assumed our rightful place as masters of this planet. However, though nature had clearly selected us for dominance, some bleeding-heart sea lions insisted on preserving a few humans in a artificial dry-land habitat." -- The Walrus Chronicles, Atlantic Press --Mycroft
 The news was met with outrage when it was discovered that Sammy the Seal was next on the list of qualified liver transplant recipients. It was well know that he spent his younger years in a string week-long bourbon binges with Dolly the Dolphin and Corey Feldman. --Kearney
 "This one, Mommy! I want a coat from this one!" "Ok, sweetie, anything you say. Honey, can you write the man a check?" --Tillman
 ... but the highlight of our trip to Washington was when Vice President Quayle took our class to see the Great Seal of the United States. --Ken
 Four out of five sea lions agree: Sure brand deodorant works better than the other leading brand! --Tice
 Starting next week on the WB:"Peppy: Manatee Gynecologist". --anon
 The telepathic mind link worked, and while the woman recieved thoughts of the sea, the fish and the feeling of saltwater against the seal's skin, all the seal could receive was the Meow Mix song. --Jenn Dolari
 This is a good sign that you should put Massengil on the grocery list.... --Jenn Dolari
 Tonight on UPN, the series premiere of N-Man, a new breed of superhero. In this exciting first episode, N-Man carries around a purple bag full of Awake and Watchtower booklets and tries to convert endangered species to worship his God. Sound stupid? This should be a slight improvement over the rest of our fall line-up. --peckinpaugh
 "GODDAMN, YOU SMELL!" thought both of them at once. --Lots42@aol.com
 Suddenly, all four of them realized Edna had a hole in her crotch. --Lots42@aol.com
 Shown in high schools nationwide, this special display graphically depicts the tragic outcome of having sex with your first cousin. Needless to say, it was banned in most areas of Kentucky. --peckinpaugh
 Shitty Aquarium Pickup Line #142: "Hey, baby, wanna see my club?" --The Enigma
 "Speaking as your lawyer, I think you should cop to a lesser charge of manslaughter and pray to God there aren't too many polar bears on the jury." --RIZZZ

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