IADL #49
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 You know, Toby, some days I just don't feel...fresh. --anon
 Hey, Mikey? Does looking at Archie and Jughead ever give you a woody? Or am I weird? --Menace
 "Happy Birthday"..."Happy Anniversary"..."Get Well Soon"..."Happy Halloween"...shit. Don't they carry any "Congratulations On Aborting Your Half-Negro Baby" cards? I gotta get one for my sister. --The Lawyer
 Mom was right, every time I shop people seem to fixate on the unborn head and torso of my twin. I SHOULD have had it removed. --ChoppingBlock
 While waiting for Mom with his brother, Robbie felt the familiar firmness in his shorts as his eyes wandered over the beautiful wigs and the sexy cosmetics the salon had to offer. --BrickBat
 Lookit! It's the new children's book, "See Dick Get Medieval on Jane's Ass!" --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 Little did Bobby and Jimmy know that just next door was a pantless store which caters to lumberjack lesbians. --Don Spudleone
 Damn Image comics are NEVER on fuckin' time! Where's my friggin' " Spawn "? --Doc Evil
 And for our littler K-Mart shopper, we have the strap on beer gut! Now you can look like daddy without the annoying slurred speach and harrassment of law enforcement officers. --insane
 "Nuh-uh, death breath!" "Yuh-huh, femboy!" "Nuh-uh, NAMBLA-bait!" "Yuh-huh, putz-o-rama!" "Nuh-uh, Michael Bolton fan"... --His Imperial Majesty
 "So I told my boss that we should just stick to the latest straight HTML standards and not try to optimize for any given browser, but did he listen? I tell ya, sometimes..." --His Imperial Majesty
 Look, Ricky, these E.C. reprints come with a fake severed finger! ...a pretty realistic finger... attached to a decomposing hand on the bottom of the rack... which is attached to... Ricky! We're gonna be on the evening news! --Horselover Fat
 The kids at school were right! I can buy a clue here! --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 We strapped a camera to a tigers head so you could see from his perspective as he attacks and kills his prey. --Tom Fulp
 Jeff would discover that day that, yes, he had a brother, and, yes, he was intent on destruction. --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 Babies having babies finally hits home for America's boys. --Don Spudleone
 On his days off, the blue Power Ranger heads to the mall to do some serious shoplifting. --Don Spudleone
 Hey, Jeffy, have you noticed this dotted line down here? --Greg J
 Hey Jimmy, looky here! There's a new Power Ranger out! It's Lance, the slightly effeminate Mauve Ranger with his longtime companion, Cedric! --Count Chuckula
 No, Billy, you're wrong! Mom, tell Billy that the symbolism in "Animal Farm" is not a neo-modern analogy for the current state of affairs! --ThreeSwords Delamitri
 In order to make up money lost to WalMart's prices, K-Mart began renting out two-way mirrors in the ladies room. --anon
 A scene from the newest installment in the Narnia Series, "The Poodle, the Wino, and the Deli Case." --Lord Krishna
 Unable to visit the "Wailing Wall" in Jerusalem, Myrna had to settle for the "Slightly Melancholy Partition" in Memphis. --Coyote
 Yep, a series of strategically-placed pillows, followed by a horrifying tale of miscarriage, and I'll clean up on maternity leave with none of the unpleasant aftereffects. --Capt. phealy
 ..so I opened up his little sister's head with my bat, and told him if he didn't come across with the daily lunch money vig, I'd visit his mom and... hey, you ever read these "Goosebumps" books? They're scary! --not elsie

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