IADL #492
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Scan supplied by Leth

 Every day that he commuted to work, Bobo had to endure the cruel taunts: "Hey, fella, technical support for Microsoft!?" "Review editor for Amazon.com?!?" "CBS programming director?!" It was almost enough to make him consider giving up his post as chief counsel for Scientology. --anon
 Page 351 from Where's David Bowie? --for(;;);
 "aik...Excuse me ma'am...uhnn...have you seen someone oolp carrying a unicycle seat? --Norm DePlume
 Don't you hate it when you've put off laundry day too long and you're down to stripey leotards and a bowler? --RIZZZ
 A stunning example of the dangerous effects of Apple's "Think Different" campaign. --RIZZZ
 "C'mon, baby, you know what they say...'Once you've had clown, you never turn 'round!" --jeffrey
 Though she usually asked passers-by if they wanted to party, Chi-chi was oddly subdued when they came prepared... --jeffrey
 "I swear I didn't kill my wife! It was a one-armed, one-legged clown on a unicycle!"-scene from "The Stooge-itive", coming this fall on U.P.N. --jeffrey
 "That's not a bicycle! That's a unicycle! And that's no clown! It's a Mime!" thought Brenda, cataloging the glimpse she had in the window. Suddenly, she realized with mounting horror, "..Oh god! That's no backpack....it's an accordion case!" --Gronk
 Because panty raids aren't as fun as they used to be. --LiLi
 Dr. Bozo's admission to the International Mad Scientist's Organization was widely attributed to his choice of headquarters. --Mr. Me
 Rose quickly turned her head away to hide her angry expression. "He looks fabulous! When I wear that outfit, it just makes my ass look huge!" --Rotter
 ...And "Victoria's Secret" he shall remain, because Victoria used two whole bags of Quicklime. --Rotter (it's not just a Zone...it's a challenge.)
 "God...oww!... damn...oww!... generic...oww!... brand...oww!... hemorrhoidal cream...oww!..." --Rotter
 Richard Simmons promotes his latest videocassette Unicyclin' to the Oldies. --Hos
 A scene which will become much more commonplace now that the hole in the Bozone layer is increasing in size. --Zouve
 Night after night, Denise had the same dream. She would pass by the Victorian Era Antique Shoppe to discover a door simply marked "Secret". What was behind the door? Why could she never quite make out what was inside? And the clown...why, why was there always a clown? ---Tice
 Jimbo the Clown has another fit of sidewalk rage. "Pick a side, grandma, pick a side!!!!!!" --Zoltar the Not-so-Great (and not-so-inspired, either)
 Rupert had always hoped to be an accountant. His dreams were permanently shattered, though, after that terrible accident in which his left leg was ripped off and replaced with a unicycle. --narcoleptic
 Lahk zee two sheeps passing in ze night, zee two love-lorn veecteemz nevaire quite noteeced each othaire. Ah, zee gods, they laugh in zee faces of zee lonely...... --deadcoil (C'est L'amour)
 Two different hookers, two different styles. --for(;;);
 "'Round about that time, ol' Blinky was a'headin' out of town faster than a cat with it's tail on fire. Seems Mrs. Johnson just gave birth to a baby boy - a baby boy with a big red nose. And Mr. Johnson had a hankerin' for a pair of clown shoes..." --LuvBJones
 Victoria's Secret is that tight fabric with horizontal stripes makes one look fat. Yes, on you, too. --crispy
 Hi. I'm George Zimmer, President of the Men's Wearhouse... You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it. --rudy
 "...and then this clown guy comes in and starts grabbing at his wiener and making stretching symbols with his hands and pointing at a picture of Prince. It took me about ten minutes to figure out that he was miming that he wanted purple crotchless underwear. No, I have NOT been smoking dope! Look! See! There he goes now! I told ya!!!" --rudy
 The cursed blue water bottle hovered at Dante's knee. Always promising quick refreshment but staying forever out of reach. --Spun Clyde
 Quick quiz: of the people pictured, which one is on the more uncomfortable cycle? --Gen. Sedgwick (jonesin' for captions)
 All captions submitted for IADL #492 must be MIME-compliant. --Gen. Sedgwick (same war, new theater)
 At any large company, the CEO's son is never hard to spot. --Rotter
 He traded the other half of his bike for a clean copy of the Winter '96 catalogue. Like any right-thinking hetero male, he never regretted it. --Rotter
 "Uh-huh. Look, sir, do you really think you're the first man who dressed up like a street performer just so he'd have an excuse to keep hanging around our windows?" --Rotter
 Ronald McDonald really gets desperate for new happy meal toys --The EXXXorcist
 My god. Dad? --Magus
 Gary was a mild-mannered bike courier by day, but in the early afternoon he transformed into the fearsome supervillain Jester Molester. --Mycroft
 Right on cue, the clown cycled into position. I screwed down the scope and put the ammo on the dashboard. Inside, sensors indicated that so-called brassiere-3 was being taken off the shelf. It was a good day to die. --Leth, This Things I Believe --for(;;);
 Part of the latest fundraiser, "Pedalin' for Panties." --Dolemite
 As the woman peered through the window for a glimpse of Victoria's Secret, it quietly sneaked past on a unicycle. --MrScary
 Sensitive to the complaints of their customers about peeping toms at the windows, Victoria's Secret hired a maniacal clown to careen dangerously down the sidewalk. --Weasel
 Not wanting to draw undue attention to himself, Agent Bongo wore an inconspicuous backpack while waiting for his Russian contact to meet him at the drop point. "Will he recognize me in disguise?" he thought as he swayed to and fro on his unicycle while honking a horn. --Dr No
 Larry would eventually live to rue the day he decided to pledge Pi Kappa Alpha. --the rev
 "Maintain," thought a severly-tripping Vicky. "That is NOTa clown in a matching shorts/thermos combo pouring a pot of hot coffee into a gigantic condom" --Mitch
 Veronica spied a brick by the sidewalk and slipped it into her purse. This would be that pesky mime's last ride. --I am Kirok!!!
 He didn't HAVE to take this route to his job at the Clown Shoppe. He didn't have to, but he did it anyway. He knew that he was torturing himself -- but he couldn't stop thinking of how it would feel to wear that lovely bra, those lovely panties, that silky pantyhose again... "If only," he thought, "If only I could find the courage to be what I want to be, and not care about people laughing at me." --Mikki
 . . . and an evocative display of Victoria bath products caught Linda's attention, causing her to miss the moment in which she could have met the man of her dreams. --the scottish valkyrie
 Granola the eco-friendly clown does his part by taking his unicycle to the circus, while his 36 co-workers tag along in the backpack. --the Society to Rid the Earth of Celine Dion
 HEY PRETTY LAADDEEEE!!! WANNA B-B-BUY THE FILLY SEXXY THINGS!?! --HasNoName
 It's always sad when a clown dies.... or is that 'never sad'. Only one way to find out... GUN. --Mr. ?
 Don't laugh. He's the third most important employee of Microsoft. --Magus
 Let's face it. Gang uniforms just aren't as frightening here in Missouri. --Magus
 The government is doing a much better job of disguising those in the Witness Protection Program. --peckinpaugh
 Surprise!! It's Jesus' second coming!! --peckinpaugh
 A fraction of a second later, fashion and anti-fashion canceled each other out, leaving a two hundred foot crater. --Namgubed the Merry Elf

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