IADL #494
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 I have dishonored my family by throwing up on the Wheel of Centuries. Now I am forced to wander the Earth. --Mr. ?
 Cover art from "Chain Gang in Tomorrowland", a gripping expose of the use of Chinese prison labor to power American thrill rides. --Chairman Walt
 "Aw, it's not as big as this dog I saw earlier today." --crispy
 As Michael Moore, disguised in a Green Bay Packers shirt with a clever double-0 pattern on the back, interviewed the recently-unemployed ride operator, Shonen Knife struggled with the lyrics to their new song, "Happy Fun Fun Land Is Fun". --Phat Cheops
 "Notice to Passengers: 1. At 12:01 AM on January 1, 2000, this ride will cease to exist and vanish completely and instantaneously. 2. This ride's duration is 100 days. 3. There are no refunds. --rudy
 Damn thought the little tyke, bigger towns get the Millenium wheel. --Crack Baby
 However, as the century covered was the 16th, the ride proved more depressing than thrilling. --Magus
 Ohio's latest move towards legalized gambling...human roulette! Of course, by hiring Big Ray to be the 00, the house was skewing the odds.... --Dvandom
 Stop crying, mother and face facts. I belong to John Goodman now, body and soul and there's nothing you can do about it. --minga
 Notice to passengers: You must be this utterly dejected to ride. --Coalcracker
 As he rushed to board the Century Wheel, little did Curtis realize his 00 jersey would trigger a previously undiscovered Y2K glitch. --Coalcracker
 Enjoy the rebirth of immigrant workers on Century Wheel! Not affiliated with Domed City or Carousel --Spun Clyde
 Hey look! I don't know what you are crying about. You're the one that said he was so cute you could blow him. It isn't my fault he understood Chinese! --connect-o-beard
 "We thank you for calling the Difficult Zone. To record captions about the Century Wheel being broken during Y2K, press 1. To record captions about fin-de-siecle ennui, press 2. To record captions about the notice to passengers including the phrase 'May cause drowsiness', press 3. If you have other questions about your caption, stay on the line and the operator will be with you shortly. Thank you." --Mr. Groundhog
 NOTICE TO PASSENGERS: 1) Stand up: I'll kill ya. 2) Try to get off the ride while it's moving: I'll kill ya. 3) Stick arms or legs out of ride while moving: I'll kill ya. ---Francis "Psycho" Sawyer Enterprises --Spun Clyde (lighten up, Francis)
 10-year-old Charlie Wu surveyed the bleak carnival scene. From dirt-poor beginnings, he had risen in the ghetto world to control first one, then three "bitches" who watched the ground under the ferris wheel for fallen bills and coins. Life was good. --Trism
 Passengers with any of the following conditions should not get on this ride -- pregnancy; heart condition; inability to refrain from screaming your damn fool head off just because you're going more than 15 miles per hour because you're a fucking sissy; back and/or neck problems. --Kurt L. (Some people don't belong in amusement parks)
 "AHH! GODZIL--oh, wait, s'just a fat guy in a green shirt." --jeffrey
 A loud amusement park...too much cotton candy...too many screaming kids...this headache has 'sepukku' written all over it! --jeffrey
 "Sorry, honey, but the wheel hit bankrupt. Them's the breaks." --Aadroma (Too many game shows!)
 "Fer' Christ sake! Thanks for parking the Century Wheel in an illegal area - now it's booted! I hope yer' freakin' happy!" --Aadroma
 You think she looks bored now? You should have seen her on the Millenium Stationary Coaster. --Aadroma
 You must be this tall to fall asleep on the sign. --narcoleptic
 Sadly, the ride isn't Y2K-compliant. In a matter of months, it'll turn into 'The Zero Wheel'. --narcoleptic
 "Celebrating 100 years without a state inspection." --Rotter
 "Be our 100th fatality and win a free bootleg Pokemon doll!" --Rotter
 Explain again to me, mother. Americans spend their money for the privilege of being spun in circles until their bowels erupt from their nose? Can we go home now? --MrScary
 "I don't care if she is only three tickets, I smell 'sting operation' all over that one. I'm gonna ride this thing instead." --MrScary
 "Oh dishonor! You are too repellent even for that fat American swine! Shall I drop your price to TWO tickets, oh disgrace of my loins?" --MrScary
 After riding the Skylark Brake Drum and the LeSabre Drive Shaft, these vacationers prepare to experience the third most popular ride at Buickland. --Norm DePlume (self salvage attempt)
 Even for a student film, Vic Morrow in Hell was considered oblique and tasteless. --The Golden Refugee
 Notice to Passengers: The Century Wheel symbolizes the capitalist oppressor, crushing the exploited proletariat to oil its gears with the blood of workers. Please keep hands inside at all times. Thank You --- Pyongyang Disneyland --The Golden Refugee
 Notice to passenger: This Ride May Cost a Fortune and Yet Still Be Immensely Disappointing to You, and Will Certainly Cause Nausea. Please Keep Limbs From Flailing by Using the Provided Duct Tape to Adhere Them To Your Neighbor's Groin. Do Not Taunt Ride Controller. Please Do Not Use Mixed Metaphors. No Double Negatives Will Be Allowed. Riding the Century Wheel More Than 10 (ten) Times Per Calendar Year Can Cause Irreparable Urinary Tract Harm. Obey All Laws of Physics While Riding. No Insurance Provided. Pregnant Women, People With Heart Attack Risk, Long-Haired Freaked People, People Under Five Foot and Two Inches, and People Named "Leonard" Must Not Ride This Ride, or Get Doctor's Consent First. No Slumming. --AQUALUNG
 The REAL problem with this ride is that it still runs on DOS. --the scottish valkyrie
 Everyone would gather and look, but no one could ride...every day is a sad day in 'The Town Without Carnies'... --Sylvester McMonkey-McBean
 For the price of a cup of coffee, you can feed and clothe third world children. For the price of that triple mocha latte you have every fucking morning, you can buy them a theme park! --snackwhore (Then they'd be third whirled children!)
 Mi-Yuan wailed. "Why did it have to land on a century when foot-binding was popular?" --Ken
 "Reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee." -- Tony Hendra, Deteriorata --flodnak
 Bubby argued on as the rest of the line grew weary. He'd made it past the "You must be THIS tall to enter this ride" sign, only to be stumped by the "You must be THIS smart to enter this ride" sign. --Uncle Dave
 "You must be this bored to go on this ride." --Bad Girl
 The Minster of Culture only allowed one ride at Hong Kong Disneyland. Today, it broke. --Bad Girl
 We may not have been able to bring democracy to Vietnam, but by God we got the Century Wheel in. --for(;;);
 When Buddhism goes commercial. --Gen. Sedgwick
 In an ironic twist, the century wheel jumped its axle and landed on the guy wearing the 00 shirt. --Mr. ?
 The real four horsemen of the apocalypse: Boredom, Ennui, Meloncholy, and Lardball. --Mr. Me
 "Mommy, fuck this! I want to go ride the Nanosecond Tilt-a-Whirl!" --peckinpaugh
 "Wepong . . . sit tight! If we leave the line for you to pee or, God forbid, eat, then we'll lose our place. Just 42 more years, and we'll get our turn." --peckinpaugh
 And here are the nominations for Best Actor . . . Marlon Brando in The Fairground of Dr. Moreau . . . --peckinpaugh
 The Century Wheel would turn for the 666th time that day, the 6th of July, 2066. Hell's creatures would come to seize Earth. Just when I was about to eat my fucking funnel cake. - - - Memoirs of a Really Fat Man In a Green Shirt --peckinpaugh
 Three tickets? Well, for two tickets, we could ride the Decade Log Flume. Or for one ticket, we could play the Annum Whack-a-Mole. --Coalcracker
 "Damn it, I don't even know why I bother. Eventually the ride is over. Then I go home and in 70 years I'm dead, what's the point. Damn you, God." --Timmy
 o/` The wheel of the century goes round and round, round and clank, clank smash boom, the wheel... o/` --K-Man
 "Hello, please! I'm Peling Luke. Click on my Uncle Football(!) for finest food on webb. I wish I had some now Hee Hee Hee!" --K-Man (salvaging peckinpaugh)
 It seems the afterlife isn't exactly how I thought it would be. --Mr. ?
 "...you wait for it for ages, you get on at the lowest point, for a few minutes it looks like you're getting somewhere but then it becomes painfully apparent you're going in circles, and it's downhill from there... seems like a perfectly appropriate name to me. Why?" --Nyder

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