IADL #495
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 "She doesn't notice my bald spot, she doesn't notice my bald spot..." --rudy
 o/ I'm too sexy for this bike, too sexy for this bike, do you see anything you like?... o/ --Mr. ?
 "Oh, jeez, Marge. He's looking at me again. I knew I shouldn't have fed him our table scraps." --Spun Clyde
 NBC, pleased with the billion-dollar syndication deal for "The Drew Carey Show," bought its star a Porsche. Roger Corman, pleased that USA Network bought the cable rights to "Bloodstick Carousel IV," gave Clint Howard a new Schwinn. --Rotter
 "I'm gonna kill the guy who sold us those tickets to 'The Amazing Bob's Highwire Bicycle Revue.'" --Dvandom
 "Bob, if you're gonna use that bike to get past the bouncer, you could at least wear a tux so you don't stand out like a sore thumb once you're in." --Dvandom
 Look how quickly their cycles synchronize! --Ken
 What a sanitation worker's midlife crisis looks like. --FireVampire
 Joey fondly remembers his days as a Hell's Paperboy --Stickman
 What? You won't go out with me? INCONTHEIVABLE! --Stevo
 Tough? I'll show you tough. I'm gonna ride over those speed bumps there sitting on the crossbar! Let's see what you have to say about that! --A Grouch
 Michael Keaton and Bonnie Franklin are Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson in Breaking Away. --The Golden Refugee
 At the world extreme tobacco spitting championships. --tupid
 Jerry was psyched! He was first in line, and the only one in costume for the re-release of the THX version of Breaking Away. --Leth
 Not only is he the president of Schwinn, but he's also a client. --Frost
 In his seventeenth reincarnation, Hitler came back as this guy's bicycle seat. Still, he was able to see the bright side: At least I'm not Roseanne Barr's loofah anymore, Hitler thought, as the bald guy wondered why it felt like his bike seat was suddenly shivering. --Rotter
 "Where the hell is the valet parking!" --Little lolita
 October 3, 1983: Fonzie hits his midlife crisis with a sickening thud. --anon
 First it was Bob's leg, then it was the sofa pillow, and now it's that Damn bike-- looks like we're gonna have to get him fixed. --The Stranger (né Hang Lose)
 She wants me. --I am Kirok!!!
 Yo, mama! Once you go skinny, bald, tank-topped bike ridin' loser, you never go back! --Shaft
 Harley-Davidson=fearless outlaw; Schwinn 3-speed=worthless brother-in-law. --jeffrey
 "Ah, ladies,...though I resemble a frog, I love like a stallion." --jeffrey
 She obviously wants me. Look, there she goes, reaching into her bag for a pen and paper to get my number...... Wait, is that pepper spr- "AUUUGGHHHHH!" --Magus
 Of all the vehicles to steal, Phil found this one the easiest to hotwire. --peckinpaugh
 "Yo, whazzup, ya tricks? Wanna cruise on my two-four? Nah? Ya'll just a buncha punk-ass bitches!" It was obvious that Fred was going about the dating scene all wrong. --peckinpaugh
 "Hey, I just rode by to tell you all that Forrest has a raging case of Alabama scrotum rash and a loaded .357, so you'd better get your asses off his bench, if ya know what I mean!" --peckinpaugh
 50 years later, Calvin has finally "broke" his bike. --peckinpaugh
 Zarquon shuddered. Of all of the disguises he could have had, he chose this one. Oh, those brutes from engineering would never let him live this one down. --aK h
 Hah! You mortals are too puny to ride my gargantuan bike! Now bring me the finest meats and cheeses for my after-ride feast! --Opie
 Rebuffed by the females, Clint Howard asserts his dominance by rubbing his scent on various objects. --for(;;);
 Cue "Ride of the Valkyries" music in 3, 2, 1... --Magus
 Tradd, despondent over being rejected by both the Hell's Angels and the Heck's Angels, was positively overjoyed upon receiving his letter of acceptance from the Gosh-Darnit Angels of Accountancy. --The Enigma
 I saw a porno that started like this once. --AQUALUNG
 "Can someone give me a push?" --tupid
 The psychological problems happened when I looked up and saw an eldrich horror not even Heironymous Bosch could have envisioned. And it was on a bike! --Mr. ?
 Ahh . . . the undeniable scent of Old Spice. --peckinpaugh
 Needless to say, the chicks weren't impressed and Mike went home with both black AND blue balls. --minga
 Scenes from the courtship of Janet Reno. --rama-tut
 Boy, is he in for a rude awakening when he gets to Sturgis... --Gen. Sedgwick
 If you thought this was pathetic, you should've been here 2 weeks ago when he got his laces caught in the training wheels and had to be brought to the hospital. --A Grouch
 "I can so go out after 8 pm! It just makes Mother worried, that's all. Isn't that right, Mother? Yes, Mother. No, I'm not touching her, Mother! No! No, Mother!!" --A Grouch
 Perry had to slip the maitre'd a ten-spot, but it was worth it. He was actually riding on the VIP bike trail! --Coalcracker
 Bald guy on a bike: / Count to five, and ask her out... / One, two, three, four, five, six -- shit. --for(;;);
 Artwork for the new Magic card, Urza's Bicycle. --Joe Z
 Ten bucks says he liked to be given wedgies when he was in high school. --Male Bimbo
 Laura's to-do list for the day now reads "1. Take long way home. 2. Change locks and telephone number. 3. Sell bicycle..." --rudy
 Since he hadn't dated in 27 years, Herb was a real easy rider. --peckinpaugh
 Worse still, he has a tape player on the bike blasting "Born to Be Wild". ---Aadroma
 Reason to Say No to Blind Dates #7572. ---Aadroma
 "Hey lady, wanna find out why my friends call me 'Huffy'?" --narcoleptic
 "Hey, which of you hot babes ordered the male strippergram?" --Darren
 Eeeewwww! You're a girl! --Darren
 o/'...the exhibitionist is a person in your neighbourhood, in your neighbourhood...o/' --Nyder
 Too poor to afford a candy apple red Ferrari for his midlife crisis, Jasper opts for the candy apple red twelve-speed Murray. --R. Jak
 When Trekkies take on other hobbies... --Jackie
 "No, I really don't give a shit about your safety," replied Delores, "I just really wish you would wear a helmet is all." --Norm DePlume

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