IADL #496
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Scan supplied by Leth

 Randy hangs out in the Museum of Modern Stuff practicing his German Tourist impression --MetlEdggge
 Man: "He is my father yet I cannot look at him!" Old Man: "Why have you forsaken me, my son?" Old Woman: "Which way to the bathroom?" Woman: "Incontinence, new from Calvin Klein." --MetlEdggge
 Albert turned his head to the left...no good, a large woman in a tank top and no bra was standing there. Perky nipples in front, strange metal nipples behind, and now this...everywhere he looked, NIPPLES! Was he going insane? He would find out all too soon... --MetlEdggge
 "Watch it, Margret!-- The walls have eyes." --Valvoline
 "Outta my way! For I am... ELBOW WOMAN!" ::bump:: --Valvoline
 Coming up next on Discovery...Mind Juggling! --Waldo
 Being part of the living sculpture didn't pay well, but at least they got to stay in the country. --for(;;);
 "Dr. Kimball . . . that's her! That's the one-legged, senile, afro-headed, badly dressed woman!!" --peckinpaugh
 Hey! My Spider Sense is tingling! ...No, wait, that's just my scrotum. --Friendly Neighborhood Valvoline
 "Don't you look away, you bastard. I have more chest hair than you do, and you know it." --Paul T. Riddell
 "Dammit, Dan, this is the last time you pick our vacation spot! Non-euclidian geometry everywhere, mysteriously floating objects, and your parents, for chrissakes!" --FireVampire
 I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. Hey, cheer up. Who knows. Maybe you'll find somebody one day who cares enough about you not to tell you after she's slept with all your best friends, your dad, your sister, your boss and most of your co-workers, the UPS guy, that chick with lopsided tits that works at Kroger, Charles Sheen, my cousin Dexter, and some black guy in a dorm room." --peckinpaugh
 Obviously a retouched photo, the old guy isn't wearing black socks with his shorts. --Slibs
 This is the inevitable result of playing a Hootie CD at a rave. --rudy
 I dunno. Maybe we should just hit the buffet and get the hell outta here. --rudy
 Just ignore those cameras! Now get your scrawny, pale ass back there and do the money shot. Madge and Norm can't wait all day!!! --connect-o-beard
 The Album Cover for a really, Really, crappy new band --slappyjack
 Hmm. Easy to clean stainless steel walls, built in nerve gas dispensers, and an old couple to make up for my long dead parents. I say we take it. --slappyjack
 "Listen, I know you don't know me, but just repeat these words. Rub . . . groin . . . of . . . Sam . . . Donaldson. Ahh . . . ohh . . . thank you." --peckinpaugh
 "Damn your heroic pose, woman! We're in our secret identities!" --Badger
 Tom thought that his freshman year in college would be his first taste of freedom. Then he heard the words he dreaded: His parents were coming with him. --Andrew
 "Goddamit Bill, those fucking cameras were looking at my tits again!" Caught, the cameras pretended to look the other way. --bassman
 "Mommmm!! Do you MIND?! I'm tryin' to score here!" --Dennis
 "Oh, don't mind us, son. Since your father and I retired, we just needed a new hobby. Keep going, you're doing fine!" --Dennis
 No, I'm sorry Suburban Girl... there doesn't seem to be any nefarious wrong-doing going on now... Edna? You seen any nefarious wrong-doing? --Bill
 Casual Fridays in Terry Gilliam's Brazil --The Golden Refugee
 Rachel is livid when she discovers the Statue of Liberty has V.D. --R. Juliani (no relation)
 Their sensors slowly synchronizing, the wall turrets found their mark. "Whiner detected. Preparing to fire." --Magus
 "Don't make me go with them PLEASE. They . . . smell funny." --the scottish valkyrie
 "For the last time, they're YOUR parents! YOU tell them this is their new home. And STOP WHINING!" --the scottish valkyrie
 When tarot cards became a collectible fad, many new cards appeared, such as the Five of Hollowed-Out Ball Bearings, which, when right-side-up, portended a stalker entering one's life. --Ken
 New this month at the Museum of Modern Things You Don't Know the Name For: "Those Things That Blow Air on Your Face on Airplanes: A Retrospective." --Mr. Groundhog
 Five metallic "thwacks" later, it was lights out for Chuck. Good arm, old man. --MrScary
 "Yo, bitch! You ain't listenin' to what I'm sayin'. Don't make me have to bitch slap you in front of everyone now." Bob hated the way his wife treated him in public. Holding back tears, he had a good mind to just leave her there, but he knew what would happen then. --ana coluthon
 Well, look, Frieda, the brochure said it's art, so by golly, I say we should stand here and appreciate it. --Gaijin Marty
 Another Death Star family vacation squabble. --minga
 "To hell with this levitating shit, and screw your "bending spoons" crap. You ain't the one!!" --peckinpaugh
 Knock it off! **OW!!** I don't "feel the force flow**OUCH!!**ing over me and through me!" I don't even **YOW!!** have a **ARGH!** light-saber, you idiots! --Kurt L.
 Bill struck his most manly pose, but he was starting to suspect that the "Middle American Hote Cootoor" fashion show was not a great career move. --bassman (this misspelling are deliberate)
 "I know I shouldn't be upset, honey. But I can't help it. His purse looks exactly like mine." --ana coluthon
 "Welcome to Hell, Brad. You will be spending eternity in a cheap European disco from the 80's with your parents and Tina, the ex-girlfriend who used to knee you in the crotch everytime she was annoyed. You have been provided with shorts 3 sizes too small and complementary "mocking laughter" speakers in surround sound. Enjoy your stay." --A Grouch
 You know, when I agreed to go to the new Hooters resteraunt, I didn't think they'd be detached and floating. --Mr. ?
 Damn it, Jack, is there one public place I can take you without your dismembering the elderly while screaming, 'I am the hunter of the Lord!'? --Mr. ?
 "Don't move, and don't turn around. Space barnacles can smell fear." --Wabewalker
 The new Berlin airport may not be the most comfortable or hospitable travel stop, but they had the most efficient large-group de-lousing station in the world. --Uncle Dave
 "Weeee are the Ghosts of the Residents! Tonight, Chris Isaaks, you will be visited by the spirits of THREE musical-fringe groups! The first comes at the stroke of onnnne..." --Rotter
 On tonight's Celebrity Nag-Off: Janeane Garofalo, Jeff Lynne and Abe Vigoda. --Spun Clyde
 "I don't want to hear it, Harold! Now you get out your lightsaber and you block those lasers with the viser down!" --K-Man
 Dammit -- my third alien abduction, and still no anal probe. Life sucks. --Kurt L.
 "Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! Get the humanoid!" -- Bezerk, the Movie didn't make a dime. --Hos
 This place is weirding me out, thought Fred. First the creepy old folks, and now the light fixtures are circling that moth. --Crack Baby
 "Salesmen-detecting flamethrower turrets, quasi-futuristic decor, and a pair of free grandparents. We'll take it!" --Magus
 The Connecticut Department of Agriculture Building's latest sculpture acquisition, We'll Be Damned If Our Budget Surplus Goes To The Department Of Education. --Rotter
 Dont tell me she doesnt have Alzheimers, she left her leg at the other end of the bench again! --sinsin101
 Leth rubbed his eyes, and looked at the print again. The camera had actually picked up their stink lines. --for(;;);
 I didn't know they would be letting all this white trash into the biosphere. --Sonya Webb
 Looking like a trapped animal, Craig was caught between the wife with the kung-fu grip and the parents with the Poly-Grip. It was going to be a long, long afternoon. --A Grouch

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