IADL #504
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 Boy Howdy! Velma, looky here, 101 Solitaire Games for DOS! And they're *shareware*! --Orrin Bloquy
 2001: With the Pokemon craze a dim memory, collectors frenzy to collect all 500 DFC collector cards. Earl, seen here with his Winchester, is a mite protective of his complete set of "poop keeps it wher it is" cards. --Orrin Bloquy
 "Dammit, Edna was right! After all those pork rinds and beer, I can't find my gun!" --FireVampire
 Well, he's got the gun and the gut, but God forsook him. --Gaijin Marty
 "Watchmen... Sandman... Kid Eternity... Battle Angel Alita... enough of this pansy girly-man shit. Got any Hello Kitty?" --Nyder
 Unfortunately, the Great Old Ones chose to return to Earth in Colorado, where no one noticed. --Nyder
 This looks like a job for Gut Patrol! --Mr. ?
 Garth Brooks suddenly discovers why his royalty checks from his Chris Gaines CD have been averaging $4.72 a month... --rudy
 Billybob Joe Tucker ferrets out a few more Mettalica CDs for "skeet shootin'." --rudy
 Fuckin' ABBA. Fuckin' Alanis. Fuckin' ABBA. Fuckin' Depeche Mode. Fuckin' ABBA! Fuckin' John Tesh! FUCKIN' ABBA! FUCKIN' ENYA, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! WHERE'S THE GODDAMN WAYNE NEWTON? HUH? WHERE!?!!! --Weasel
 Bach, Bach, Bach, Beethoven, (flip flip flip) Brahms... What - No Berlioz?!?! Dammit, where's the Berlioz? --rudy
 Larry hated to be disturbed when he was browsing. --Mr. Me
 Even years later, Ralphie always kept with him the best Christmas present he ever received: the official Red Rider carbine action 200 range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time. --Doihle
 "Hmmm. Orbs A'Plenty, Oriental Massage XXIV, Orgasming to the Oldies---hey, Ma! Here's one we haven't seen." --Spun Clyde
 SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY is the final day for the tri-state area's largest gun, knife and porn show! Miss this and Monday you'll be unarmed and impotent. BE THERE! --Spun Clyde
 What's this shit? "DFC Archive V1.1?" Must be some death metal band or sumpfin. --rudy
 The mall's "Seven Days of Kwanzaa Sale" was a bit contrived, but "Second Amendment Crazy Daze" was just plain creepy. --crispy
 Some people put out subtle signs that they don't want to be bothered. Others, not so subtle. --Weasel
 Two complete strangers, about to be brought together by Fate and a mutual love of ABBA... --Badger
 "No, Maggy, I GOT to carry my gun around with me... They got all them homosexuals 'round here, and I'm just a big ol' smorgasbord of sensual man-flesh..." --Badger
 Damn, what kind of music goes well with sniping? It looks like poor Ed would have to postpone his shooting rampage 'til another day --Merlisk
 Thankfully, just as Clyde was about to begin another deadly shooting spree, he was distracted by a large assortment of Conway Twitty CD's. --Parsley
 "No use in cryin', son. I know you love that Spice Girls CD, but believe me, kindest thing for it is to put it out of its misery..." --Nyder
 After Y2K hit, everyone had to go back to using the regular card catalog at the library. Hank was not pleased. --SgtMean
 After the surgery, Annie Oakley's career went rapidly downhill. --Nyder
 Mike said it went "da-da-da-dum," Billy Bob said it went "da-da-da-dum." Finally, unable to solve the dispute peacefully, they resolved to meet in the CD shop on Saturday... and settle the score. --Nyder (will they get this? Betting shop now open.)
 "Excuse me, sir, but I couldn't help noticing your massive weapon!" --Darren
 Damn it, Fingered isn't on DVD yet. --Anastasia
 Ever since the start of his pregancy, Hugh had an irresistable craving for Alanis Morrissette albums covered in correction fluid. --Darren
 Hey, I've been to this gourmet clay-pigeon store! --Stealth
 Gumby began to suffocate; he knew his time was running short. "Must escape - back - pocket..." --Namgubed the Merry Elf
 Guns...CD's...Coke...I thought Wal-Mart's had everything! Where's the porkrinds and tabacky?? --RMD [attempting to salvage Duluoz]
 No Enya. . . No Carmina Burana. . . No Primus. Roy reckoned he was gettin' mighty pissed. --Mycroft
 OK, a postal worker who moonlights as a security guard at a bodega in the bad section of the Bronx, or that 2 inch wide strap of cowhide holding up ol' Tex's beer vault - which is more liable to snap at a moment's notice and cause grievous harm to anyone in the immediate vicinity? --rudy (sorta self salvaging)
 Look, Clem, they've got that recording of the '1812 Overture' that you played 12-gauge on! --The Mad Puffin
 Carl knew Texas was a strange land compared to Chicago, But when the gun totin' Lee Ann Rimes fan to his right farted "Deep in the heart of Texas", he turned around and kept going until he was safe back on Michigan Avenue. --Frenchy, the Toad Swallower
 Holiday shoppers never crowded, pressured or were rude to Earl at the Day After Thanksgiving Sales --300 laser
 When Lester said he could shop for CD's and shoot skeet at the same time with one hand tied behind his back, he wasn't kidding. --Weasel
 Paul halted in the midst of his killing spree to complete his Lionel Richie collection. --Matt Rossi
 Down in Abilene, competition between collectors for those rare Gilbert & Sullivan recordings reached dangerous levels. --Frenchy, the Toad Swallower
 Guests at the grand opening of The Celebrity Tartar Museum in Louisville are sure to go home impressed. --Tegan
 "Honey, even if you find Steve Austin's DNA, how the hell do you think you're gonna splice it with your own?" --manfest destiny
 "Clem, go call your Maw and tell her to sell a few more hogs. I gots to get me this first edition Charizard!" --Magikaldragon
 "What a joy to be here on the first day of Cyrus season." "No, boy, it's Tesh season." "Cyrus season." "Tesh season!" "Cyrus season!" "TESH SEASON!!!" --Ken
 Bill is well prepared. He carefully selects pre-1900 music from the Classical section of his favorite record store. -- Educational Films: The Y2K Bug and You --Ken
 Gus not only believed that 'N Sync ruled, he was prepared to back up that opinion. --The Golden Refugee
 Meanwhile, in an alternative universe, Dylan Klebold stops to pick up some Iron Butterfly CDs on the way to his GED course. --Jesus Christ Superfly
 "Yeehaa! The Shaggs' Greatest Hits! And in mint condition too!" --Stickboy

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