IADL #507
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 This is one well equipped Y2K bunker. --Slibs
 "Nope, sorry, we're all out of linens , , , but we've still got plenty of . . things." --The Stranger (Swiping from a.f.s waaaaay back when)
 "Well, I've had a lot of success with Pokemon this year . . but I'll tell you, you won't ever go wrong with ice cream and a Gameboy." The toy section of 'Wal-Mart'-- a great place to talk shop and find 'bait' for your van. --The Stranger
 "I'll sing Bridge Over Troubled Water for a dollar. How about Cecilia for a quarter and a cup of coffee? Old Friends and a hand-job for a nickel? Please, sir! I haven't eaten in three weeks!" --The Stranger
 Ken's smooth talk covers for Ralph's Y2K urban guerrilla operation: drooling into all the Brita filters at Wal-Mart. --Horselover Fat
 "...so then one day, right in the middle of a show, I realized, 'The trees and the lake and the mountains are happy. But is Ross happy?' So long story short, here I am in a high-school gym with my Barbie collectibles and my dreams." --Rotter
 In the event of any Y2K power outages Bob was ready to power his house with hair static. --Jesus Christ Superfly
 So, it's a deal - you give me $20 and take this left over Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers stuff off my hands, and I give you 20 minutes alone in the bathroom with the retard, no questions asked. --anon
 The civilization of motile fungus people living in Brad's massive 'fro finnaly managed to erect a tall enough tower to observe the outside world. --Mr. ?
 "I'd like a pack of Marlboros, and before you ask, let me warn you that if you make any mention of a certain euphoric, big-haired pseudo-celebrity painter, well, Bruno over there is going to ravage your asshole with his angry, primitive member. Now, how much were those Marlboros?" --The Enigma
 . . . Welcome to Singles Night at the SciFiCon dealers' room. --the scottish valkyrie
 Helmet Laws Suck! --Waldo
 Excuse me, but... Would any of these packs contain a Spell of Hair-Swapping card? --shinytoast
 Art Garfunkel makes the mistake of flashing the Ed Sullivans' sign in Rickles territory. --Doctor X
 Dude, I don't think they've even heard of myrrh. --Samwise (happy holidays!)
 Bachelor #2, same question: which Stooge do you most resemble, and why? --Mycroft
 "Every fuckin' convention," Wilfred Brimley thought, "I get stuck talking to one of these granola-loving fruitcakes who says I got them started on grains them by telling them it was the right thing to do." --Doihle
 "Ha ha, very funny. Yes, it is a big fucking tribble. Will you kindly strangle yourself with your own shirt-collar, sir, or would you like me to do the honours?" --Nyder
 I figure that the old bald guy is going to leave this store, hop into his Buick LeSabre, and drive down to the local dive strip club where the 52 year old 245 pound three-toothed barmaid named "Big Bertha" will cause the other fourteen patrons and two crack-ho dancers to chortle by walking up behind this guy, pulling up her shirt, and wrapping his head in her pendulous globular bosoms and screaming out "Look, I've got three!" in her JD-besotten voice. Just like on every Saturday. --rudy (It's not pretty. I've seen it happen.)
 "Barbuzz": The stubble left over after a fashion doll gets a haircut; "Pizzle": The droplets of grease a slice of concession-stand pizza leaves on a paper plate; "Balluzion:..." -- Years after his last TV booking, an increasingly dysfunctional Rich Hall now wanders public areas compulsively making up Sniglets. --Rotter
 "Solar powered sex machine huh? Mine is fueled by the blood of the innocent." --Jesus Christ Superfly
 No! My father was *not* Ernie Bushmiller! Why does everyone ask me that?!? --Orrin Bloquy
 COBOL programmers with a little more time on their hands now... --Ape with Attitude
 "Dude, I, like, so don't smell frying tortillas." Silently, the illegal immigrants crouched on the far side of Steve's head, hoping to evade detection in the thick underbrush. --crispy
 "Hi, I used to be in REO Speedwagon. Won't you... shit. Hi! I used to be in REO Speedwagon. Can you spa... goddamn it. Hi! I used ..." --agtorange
 "It isn't just for the fashion statement, dude. Not a single mind ray has gotten through in six years. Six years!" -- Crazy Climber
 I taught the bugs in my hair to spell, man. Wanna see your name in lice? --Doc Evil
 "Well, Conan and Andy are in a staring contest and I'm supposed to lick your bald head in an attempt at distraction. Didn't the producers explain this?" --The Golden Refugee
 "What?! But my hairdresser said this style was so, like, representative of the inner me!" --Nyder
 Would you excuse me for a second? I need to stop my brother from staring at the clerk's breasts again. --Crack Baby
 Holy fuck!! It's Bob fuckin' Ross!! No shit!!! Bob fuckin' ROSS, man! Say for me man, just once. C'mon man, just one fuckin' happy little tree!! Dude, you fuckin' rock!!! --Zoltar the Not-so-Great (my god, i think i'm insane)
 "Excuse me. Is that your oaf?" --Magus
 "Well, hey buddy, if I don't keep holding my elbow, this hand is just going to spring up and start slapping. And we don't want that to happen, do we?" --A Grouch
 "I'd love to stay and chat more, but I have to get Lenny here back to the farm. C'mon Lenny, you have your own rabbits at home." --Leth
 "Did you try on those swim trunks?" "No, Phillip - it says you have to be wearin underwear to use the changing rooms." I felt queasy standing up, but it was listening for new inspiration that actually finished the job of making me sick." -- excerpt, Stephen Kings' From ER to Rehab to WalMart to Toilet to Inspiration: My Trip Back --HasNoName
 "Damn, it's freezing in here. Wanna cuddle? " --stu smiley
 "Good for one free dirt snake." Who the hell gave you this coupon? --Yakko
 The fact that this may actually be Bob Ross is great. The fact that this photo implies that his "painting arm" was torn off at the elbow is even better. --BAR1
 Ned was about to learn that, if its owner has used enough spray, an afro can make a savage blunt weapon. --Magus
 ST. LOUIS -- Buckner Convention Center is swarmed Friday morning as SweatHogCon 2000 draws triple the expected number of "Welcome Back, Kotter" enthusiasts. Conventioneers will screen episodes, seek autographs and trade memorabilia for three solid days, with a climactic keynote address by Ron "Horschack" Palillo. This weekend, 'Kotterheads' from out of town are projected to inject as much as $46 into the local economy. (AP) --Mycroft
 As the conversation with the balding, obese Trekker turned into the fifth "Enterprise vs. Battlestar Galactica" debate of the week, Rob realized that somewhere his life had gone terribly wrong. A week later he was wearing a suit, applying to an MBA program, and dating. --Stefan Jones
 An interesting coincidence: the man on the right teaches geology at a major university, the man in the center wrote "Like a Rolling Stone," and the other guy is just really stoned. --Parsley
 "Well, actually, since the show was canceled, they've been more like angsty, embittered trees, utterly hopeless and drained of all possible joy on this Earth." --Daniel M. Laenker (sometimes they just want to end it all)
 "Security, sir. Could you empty out your hair, please?" --James Howard
 "Yeah, I sat on his couch. Once. When I got up, my ass was covered in Cheetos and Oreo crumbs and there was a Serra Angel card stuck to my ass with a substance that had the consistency of Jello but was yellowish brown, burned like battery acid and smelled like rancid cheese. Thank God I found that KFC moist towelette stuck to the armrest. Saved my life. --rudy
 Sir, please don't touch yourself when looking at the Backstreet Boys action figures. --Mario Mangler
 o/' "Grow it down to there hair, shoulder length or... erm... sorry, never mind." o/' Stan always enjoyed patronising the follically challenged. --Nyder

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