IADL #509
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Scan supplied by LadyJ

 Ed Asner on the set of his new sitcom, Impeach Ed Asner! --Mycroft
 This week's NPR Car Talk puzzler: What will damage your car's finish more, duct tape, or lard butt? --Gaijin Marty
 In Washington, "Kick Me" signs are a little different. --Magus
 Jealous of Clinton's recent publicity, Mayor Stevens accepts oral sex from passing shoppers with a big sign taped underneath his ass, reading "IMPEACH ME TOO, GODDAMN IT!" --Darren
 G. Gordon Liddy cruises Starbucks. --The Golden Refugee
 #34 in the least popular amusement park rides of all times - Ed Asner's Groovy Impeachment Sedan --DJC=JFPW
 Governor Ventura wrapped his arms about the heckler, lifted her in the air, and body-slammed her onto the hood of the Cadillac. Two punches to the cheek later, he had her upside down and struck a massive pile-driver onto the pavement below. Unfortunately as he went for the coup-de-grace, his campaign manager threw a chair into the melee, and Ventura was disqualified. --Ken
 Photos of the Justice League of Akron were very rare. Unfortunately, in this shot, Lard Ass is blocking our view of Topless Girl using her nipple beams to incapacitate a purse-snatcher while Turquoise Boy slaps on the cuffs. Maybe next time... --Agamemnot
 Magritte's long-lost surrealist montage, Ceci n'est pas un ex-president. --Nyder
 Every day, Brian would sit outside the coffee shop and stare, envying them their expensive lifestyles... their fashionable clothes... but most of all, he envied them... their necks. --Nyder
 Great Lou Grant's gonads on a Grenada, that's one big ass post-it note!!! --Norm DePlume (just rotated the tires and it's good for another 10,000 miles)
 You are not a peach. More like a pear really. --Yakko
 o/'...and the stalker is a person in your neighbourhood...o/' --Nyder
 Shattered and embittered by his recent experiences, Earl begins his campaign for the overthrow of the President of the Hair Club for Men. --Nyder
 Pregnancy never suited Sinead O'Connor. --Nyder (quoting more or less verbatim)
 God, please let that man be a waiter. Beacuse if he dresses like that for no good reason, I'll lose all faith in humanity and throw myself in front of a speeding duck boat in Boston Common. --rudy
 Next on Fox: When Brian Dennehy Chills. --Doctor X
 "Hey, you pervert! What are you doing to my hood ornament?!" --Bad Girl
 A: Anywhere he wants! --Magus (response to Nyder, but the question could be anything)
 This is just like a dream I had, except that Rush Limbaugh had more hair, and my car was going much faster. --Bill Clinton
 Klutzy John Malkovich was always slamming his penis in car trunks. --Spun Clyde
 New York cabbies introduce John Rocker to their version of the squeeze play. --Spun Clyde
 Let's see: incredibly fat man with an "Impeach Billary" sign, hideously-dressed man shouting at the voices in his head, terrified onlookers who want to turn away, but just can't -- yep, it's just another day in Alabama. --Rightshu
 So, they finally found the K'wizatz Ha'derach, but he's a singing matador in the Bronx? --deadcoil (It's a joke about Dune, by Frank Herbert, dammit!)
 There is a reason your car's shocks never last as long as you expect them to. And his name is Jake. --Magus (with a deep, samurai-style bow to Crack Baby)
 George Foreman sits dejectedly on the hood of his car, sadly realizing that he actualy DID pay a lot for his new muffler. --Uncle Dave
 The new Ford Impeach, with dent-resistant hood, reinforced frame, and deluxe shock-absorbers. Have you sat your fat ass on a Ford ... lately? --Helder
 "I'm going to say about... 10." "No, no, you can tell by the splatter... At least 15 stories up." "Is anybody going to call an ambulance?" --Badger
 "I'm... too sexy for this car... too sexy for this car... but since this car is a 1971 Dodge Dart, that's not too hard to be... damn... can we start over?" --Nyder (salvaging Weasel)
 Rodin's lesser known work, The Stalker. --Yakko
 Abe Vigoda, Ed Asner... I'm really jonesing for Harvey Korman in a bikini. Think you could oblige? --Orrin Bloquy
 In Washington D.C., politicians have to be on constant vigalance against drive-by impeachments. --Mr. ?
 And so ended the reign of the Lincoln Towncar, the best president this country ever had. --Mr. ?
 Tonight on Fred Mason: Right-Wing Lunatic For Hire: Trouble brews when the local Starbucks hosts a reading from Socks Goes to Washington. --Helder
 Citizen With Bad Taste strikes! Asian Tourist strikes! Asian Tourist strikes! Bald Colossus strikes! Lincoln Station Wagon needs food, badly. --More-- --Ravagin (yeah, sorry, more NetHack)
 I think I saw this commercial during the Super Bowl, but damned if I can remember which dot com it was for. --Ken
 In his later years, Ken Starr would often sit back at his corner impeachment stand and reminisce about happier times. --Helder
 From the people who brought you Stomp, get ready for Sulk! --Trenchcoat
 When pigeons dream... --Magus (signing his soul over to Gary Larson)

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