IADL #511
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 Under constant video surveillance, Gary Coleman could be seen plotting his next escape from the orphanage. --anon
 "Maybe punch is right - the workers do control the method of production." This week at the Glenville Mall, drop off the kids for 5 daily shows from the Trotksy Players Puppet Show. --HasNoName
 Meanwhile, behind the kids, the Ritalin man is at the ready. --Dolemite
 The puppet show was going well until the troupe did their interpretation of NWA's greatest hits. --Dolemite
 Although there was a high turnout for the supporting role of "tall boy with big ears", there was one obvious choice. --Anon
 Sadly, the show was ruined when the confused children demanded that the channel be changed to Pokemon. ----Tice
 Screw being a real boy... I'M GOING TO VEGAS! --Necalan
 Edvard Munch's The Play. --rudy
 Seminal Moments in Sports History: [North Carolina, 1970] Young Michael looked over and noticed some other boys playing basketball...who knows what heights His Airness could have taken us to if he had stuck with his first love...puppets! --MorboNixon
 A proud Geppetto videotapes his son's first school play. --Robbbbb
 John Wilkes Booth decided to practice on easier targets first. --Nyder
 Microsoft unveils its new graphics platform. --Nyder
 "Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of...a bitch! Which one of you little Bastards is throwing spitballs?" --Rodney
 The Carter Family Puppet Theater's production of The pathetic old man who would nod off in the Oval Office while his wife banged Sinatra in the Lincoln Bedroom was seen by many as proof that Jimmy was still bitter. --Rodney
 Attention Theater Majors: This is your future! --Rodney
 Punch and Judy are "Gateway puppets." Use of them leads to more hardcore puppeteering, eventually leading to a career as a mime. Talk to your kids people. --Slibs
 Pegasus 405, you are off course, please set heading for 230, your position. Pegasus 405, you're headed for the sun. PEGASUS 405,DO YOU COPY? Dear Lord, DO YOU COPY?!! --Jenn Dolari
 It keeps getting harder to find opening acts for Tony Clifton ... --Riff
 In the pre-web era, surreally bad entertainment was provided by puppets. --Bad Girl
 The show was so boring, it took the children ten minutes to realize the puppeteer had already hung himself backstage. --Bad Girl
 "But kids, I couldn't possibly ... kill Judy." --Helder
 o/` They don't dance, they don't sing / They hang loosely on their string / Dead puppets aren't much fun. o/` --Ken
 "And fuck you too, Daniel Tiger!" --King Friday in "13 straight days of Tequilla and Cocaine" --MechaVejita
 "The Chronicles of Narnia" updated for modern audiences. Aslan has a gun, and Mr. Tumnus is a homosexual living with AIDS. --Trenchcoat
 "Guillotine! Guillotine! Guillotine!" Puppet shows in Central Park are not for the timid. --Helder
 Under the new Republican budget priorities, the science and library budgets are diverted to weekly puppet shows about chastity, thrift, and suspicion of the godless chinese. --Hideo Spanner
 The Brain's latest scheme to take over the world fails miserably. No one, not even Special Needs kids soaked to the gills in fruit-flavored Prozac syrup, takes puppets seriously. --Hideo Spanner
 Beating John Malkovich. John Cusack can't hack it as a puppeteer, so he finds John Malkovich and kicks the living shit out of him. A lot more fun than you'd think. Three stars. --Pete
 "I don't get it. Which one represents the budget deficit?" --Helder
 Two puppets enter! One puppet leaves! Two puppets enter! One puppet leaves! --Nyder
 Somehow, even this will get banned by the Southern Baptist convention --k.a
 ‘You kids today! When I was your age, we didn't have color or sound in our puppet shows! Every time a puppet would have a line, a man to the right would hold up a cue card!’ --Grumpy Old Valvoline
 "Myriad unhallowed blasphemies lurked along Bunny Fu-Fu's path to Unknown Kadath." After the first show ended in tears, the family decided never to use another of Uncle Randolph's scripts. --Doctor X
 From left to right: ear infection, runny nose, runny nose, head lice, loose baby tooth, ADD, fear of the boogeyman, a case of "old shittybritches", ADD and a runny nose, flu. And your seat is somewhere in the middle. --rudy (talk about germ warfare)
 Unclear on the concept, Bobby began throwing baseballs at the puppets. "If I get one more, I win a teddy bear!" --Weasel
 I have a bad feeling about the new MacOS-X interface. --Horselover Fat
 After "Waterworld" and "The Postman", Kevin Costner had to adapt to a different level of funding. --Ape with Attitude
 "OK, so theres this castle, right? And it's next to this big field of green stuff, I think its corn, and outside the castle is Humpty-Hump! Only he's gotten all pale, like Michael Jackson, you know, and he's wearing this enormous puffy yellow and green baseball cap and he's just shot a flamethrower at Saint Peter. Peter's just burning all yellow like that monk in those Nam pictures, only he's an angel so he isn't really burning, theres just all this fire coming off him. And then Peter goes up into heaven, which is right above the castle, and the really wierd thing is that the sun is in FRONT of the clouds. I mean, I suppose if you were up in heaven looking down at the clouds you'd have the sun in the middle, since after all heaven is up above everything else even the sun and so it has to go somewhere right?" --Another performance of The Cocaine Family Puppet Theater --Platypus
 "...And now, Parolled Pederast Theatre proudly presents..." --UFO_Charlie
 "We don't need no education" -- come on, kids, sing along! -- "we don't need no thought control...." --phil
 The puppets' grand riddle contest was suddenly disrupted by King Lumpkin, who started jumping around frantically and shouting, "My chest . . . Oh, the pain! Dear Lord please don't let it end like this!" --Stefan Jones
 Terry Gilliam hits bottom. --Yakko
 "So you see children, your parents don't really love you. Not like we do." Although a trifle unorthodox, the recruiting methods of the Carson Family Cult were suprisingly effective. --Aaron
 Ia Ia, Shub Niggurath, black goat of the woods with a thousand young! Now everybody sing! --Mr. ?
 "Now class, what techniques might Abby Abstinence use to discourage the advances of Horny Yellowpants?" --The Golden Retriever
 Only you can help end scenes like this. With your donation of just 56 cents a day, less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can give a child the gift of television... --MelSkunk
 Seconds later, the floor was a mass of sweaty, writhing, slamming bodies . The next day, the Carter family finally put the kibosh on mosh pits at their puppet shows. --Elkman
 "Now look to the person to the left of you, now to the person on the right. One of every three of you will not be here for first grade." The Ayn Rand Kindergarten was an ass-kicker. --The Golden Retriever
 The beg-a-thon will continue with Lord of the Puppets unless you call in now and make a pledge. If enough money is raised, we'll go back to I, Claudius. --Male Bimbo
 I bet the kids are even drunker than the puppeteer... --Zoltar the Not-so-Great
 "What time is it children?" "Time to pee!" Fun for all at the Catheter Family Puppet Theatre. --Nyder
 "Hello little MOTHERFUCKER kids! I'm Joey the SHITFACED friendly FUCK dog. And, SHIT here is the BITCH happy Mr. COCKSUCKER sun!" Torrette's syndrome theater was not popular a schools... --Astrid
 Even after New Line Cinema dropped him, Pete Jackson was determined. He WOULD finish Lord of the Rings, one way or another... --Master of All That is Evil
 Time:1975. Genesis of Dysfunctional Life. A 5-year old Spinn starts mocking the puppets to his friends. --The Boy
 "Oh good heavens children, where did all these ants come from? And what's this coming towards my eyeball? Help!" The puppet-play version of Un Chien Andalou was a massive hit in the West End. ----Nyder (shall I salvage Mr ?, Davros?)
 Seconds later, the floor was a mass of sweaty, writhing bodies. The next day, the Carter family fired Annie Sprinkle as their creative consultant. --HasNoName, salvaging Elkman
 Debates between Gore and Bush always seemed stiff and orchestrated. --Crack Baby
 Punch: Judy, I am your father. Judy: That's not what you said last night. (whack!) Punch: Together we can rule the universe. Judy: Here's a ruler for you! (whack!) --Weasel
 As the numerous flashpots went off blinding the kids and turning puppetland to ashes, the wisdom of hiring former heavy-metal roadies is brought into question. --A Grouch

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