IADL #513
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 Ernie was always looking for new Z-gauge rolling stock to add to the model railroad he kept in his hat. --ewhac
 Enterprise... Babylon 5... Neuschwanstein Castle... Ah! here it is: Visible Wankel Rotary Engine! --ewhac
 "_HOW_ much for that organ and monkey?" --BaronLurk
 Nothing defines the fun and excitement of model airplane building better than a confused shriner... ---shaithis [someday I will make the green. I swear to god]
 Looking to upgrade his lair, evil sorceror Yarblonk the Red checks out the new line of freeze-dried monsters. --Ryk
 Every year, thousands of these adorable little guys get abandoned at shopping centers all across the country. Have your Shriner spayed or neutered, today. --Badger
 Moments after learning of the mix-up in convention centers, the Shriner ceases asking for a whiskey sour, changing his order, instead, to 'a shitpot of rubber cement.' --Badger
 Earl searched for most of the rest of his life, but never again found his youthful optimism. The fez helped, though. --jan q bee
 Five years ago, three Shriners disappeared into the Action Figure aisle of the Toys 'R' Us department store near Edmonton, Alberta. Two weeks ago, their footage was found. --James Howard
 Fantastical Real Monsters Collection:(left to right) The Mummy, The Potentate, The Forty Five Year Old Comic Collector Who Thinks The Girls In Gen13 "Are Fucking Hot," Frankenstein. --The Enigma
 Phil Donahue dresses incognito to merge with the public. --Darren
 Count yourself lucky. He could have been wearing his Vampirella costume! --The Mattwolf
 Another rejected Melissa Etheridge sperm donor looks for meaning in a cold, uncaring world. --The Golden Retriever
 Hmmmm...Old Guy...Funny Clothes...Surrounded By Models...Yup, that's David Bowie alright! --Rodney
 I recoiled in horror as Uncle Tobias began to regale another stranger with his "hilarious" tale about the time that he found chunks of fur in his stool. --Rodney
 In chat rooms late at night, he's known as PH32_D00D. --Ken
 Though Charlie didn't know it yet, the store was actually browsing him for useless crap. --Noah
 Competition for charity dollars leads Shriner Grand Potentate Horace Tafty to look for increasingly tiny Small Cars at the Scotchfield Expo Center Hobby & Collectable show. --Stefan Jones
 They began lifting and carrying the old man to the information desk...another success by Target's Lost and Found Pulley System. --OAK
 It took Earl 3 weeks -- and 22 copies of cross-dressing lesbian biker comics -- to realize that his local Christian Science Reading Room had been replaced. --Helder
 I just had an idea for a wicked practical joke. Let's bathe him and bring him to Doc Evil. --Kichigaisakka W4-san
 After Jeff died of old age, Akbar became a greeter at Walmart. --Frenchy, salvaging Fleeb
 "OK, the Charmander, the Scyther, two Staryus and a Super Energy Removal for the little car. Is it a deal, kid?" --Platypus
 ...and I'm telling you, Bela Lugosi could act rings around Boris Karloff! --Anastasia
 Here we see Ed working on his 'Understanding Your Grandchildren's Hobbies' Shriner merit badge --Ryk
 An eye catching distraction, like a funny hat, can be helpful while slipping the goods into your pocket. -- Shoplifting for Dummies, IDG Books, 1999 --Norm DePlume
 Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21) You will be successful in unloading all those tickets to functions that no one wants to attend, but avoid spending all the proceeds on completing your 1/25 scale model dragsters of the seventies collection. --Norm DePlume
 The Action Figure of Dorian Gray --The Man Who
 "What the hell's this 'Mummy' crap??? Back in my day, if we wanted a mummy, we'd just roll toilet paper around Jeff and bury him in the backyard!" --Dolemite
 "Damn!" thought Stan. "Missed getting Bob Ross' autograph again!" --rudy
 After 5,000 years of this, Prince Amon-Ho-Tep's reactions were limited to weary impatience. "My hands, near the throat of the descendants of the temple priest who betrayed me," he had told the God of evil and darkness. "Throughout eternity, that is all I wish." And as he peered at the man through a thin layer of plastic, he wondered if Set would ever stop fucking around with him. --Rotter
 "What? No N-scale Santa Fe cattle cars? I fought in two wars, goddammit! Now where the hell are the N-scale Santa Fe cattle cars?" --crispy
 Laugh all you want, but Charles Schulz's retirement-cam gets more hits per day than all the Abe Vigoda fan-sites combined. --Helder
 Rounding the corner, Ali stopped short. Could it be? Had he finally tracked down his rival Selim? Were they now to finally meet... fez to fez? ----Nyder (shall I salvage myself, Davros?)
 I bet if you pull his head backwards, a Pez pops out of his goiter. --rudy
 Dammit!!! Varney's been dead for less than a day and these vultures have already jacked up the prices on all the "Ernest" videotapes!!! --Goom
 Here we see Bart searching frantically for John Gray's latest self-help bestseller: Fez-wearin' geriatrics are from Saturn, upscale Vegas prostitutes are from Uranus. --Goom
 No! I'm looking for SuperShriner # 500,you know the one where he beats the leader of the Elks Club with his Fez of Destruction! --Critter
 Novice necromancers had a long way to go before obtaining a real undead horde. --Magus
 Despite killer graphics, sound, and a full motion CGI Intro, SimFleaMarket just wasn't that big of a hit. --Mr. ?
 Sam makes the smart fashion choice and wears a tie; otherwise, he might look like a goof. --Weasel
 A shriner's secret shame: After his prostate surgery, Eugene Muntz discovers the only thing that lets him live up to the title "Grand Potentate" is staring at "Sailor Moon" action figures. --Hideo Spanner
 Ol' Phil never did learn how to wear a necktie. Or where. --Bad Girl
 I thought I was overcoming my fear of puppets. Then I visit IADL. I also thought I was conquering my fear of shriners. Then I visit...dammit, just tell me when you're featuring accordians and I'll stay under the bed all day. --A Grouch
 "Damn! no horribly burned little kids in this aisle either... Man, I'm never going to meet my quota this month!" --Vitriol
 Is that so Sonny? Well I fought in two wars and voted for Reagan twice, I'll empty my colostomy bag anywhere I damn well please! --Slibs
 Remember: girls don't make pezzes at men who wear fezzes. --DancesWithChiles
 Inside the mind of a Mason: "If we assassinate Putin now, we can take control of Russia's diamond production and make enough to finanace the completion of the escape pod before December 2012." Inside the mind of a Shriner: "Oooh! Chicagopoly is on sale for only $6!" --The Dork Wanderer
 Turnout at the Class of 573 reunion was disappointing. Only Ak-Habeth, who had been mumified and shrunk to 1/12 his original size, and Gordi, kept alive by his dark necromancy, were able to attend. --Parsley
 Copies of the fabled DFC Archive CD-ROM disappeared from dealers' tables within seconds of Bil Keane's arrival at the comics convention. --Stefan Jones (self-salvaging)
 Funny, isn't it, how, even when every store for miles around is sold out of everything but Jar Jar, the guys down at the Lodge can always find a Darth Maul --Nyder
 Attention Shoppers: the man in Aisle 18 is solely responsible for the end of the gold standard, the suppression of reports of alien landings, and keeping the USA on the Imperial system. Go get him! --Nyder
 "Where the hell did I park..." --David "Bob"
 Can't caption or Illuminati will get me... Can't caption or Illuminati will get me... --Nyder
 Gallant joins the Freemasons and controls the world market. Goofus joins the Shriners and controls the supermarket. --Nyder (shall I salvage, Davros?)
 Have you heard the good news of our Lord and Savior, Boba Fett? --Mr. ?
 It was bad enough when everyone came round dressed in Spock ears, or a Darth Vader costume. But ever since "Shriner Quest 3000" hit the airwaves... --Mr. M
 After their 5th heart-attack incident, Vic's Toys decided to put on upper age limit on all the Lara Croft toys. --Helder
 The ether was starting to wear off, and the acid was long gone. But the mescaline...the mescaline was just getting into its stride. From "Fear and Loathing in the Flea Market", by H. Shriner Thompson --Ladislav the Posthumous (damn! I knew I was submitting this to the wrong picture!)
 Damn, thought Irwin, No more Seven Of Nine action figures here either. His little fetish was becoming unmanageable, but he decided he was okay as long as he didn't long for a figure of Naomi Wildmon. --Ratman (eternally a Trekker)

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