IADL #518
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 "See? I told you. Every day at 5:17 just like clockwork. Thank GOD for Depends!" --Magikaldragon
 See? We've been in Hell for only 17 minutes! It only SEEMS like 100,000 years! --some guy
 "Now it's glowing....and now it's not. Now it's glowing again....and now it's not. Cool, huh?" --Dolemite
 Okay dear, it's been two hours of rebellion. Time to turn your hat around now. --Vitriol
 Ethel sat disprovingly, staring straight ahead. She had no truck with the hat wearin', time tellin' folk --Vitriol
 And when I press it this way, our hats spin around in the other direction! --Stefan Jones
 When a regular hat and a reversed hat meet, there is an explosion so powerful it can destroy good fashion sense for miles. --slibs
 Gladys rubbed her bare wrist sullenly. It was bad enough the bitches with the matching hats had stolen her watch, but they didn't have to sit three feet away from her, admiring it. --tieboy
 After the operation, Diane Tracy quit the detective business, but she couldn't bring herself to give up the fab watch. --Platypus
 "...and if we hurry, we still have just enough time to go get a life." --Master of All That is Evil
 "What time is it? Well, it looks like it's a quarter past Get-The-Hell-Away-From-Me o'clock." --Valvoline
 "And if Harry ever wants to, you know, fool around, the watch has a built in tranquilizer dart, right here. Sleeps like a baby for eight hours. Oh, it's a godsend." --Trenchcoat
 "What time is it? It's time for a revolution, time for real change, time to take charge of your life.... oh, sorry, that was an hour ago. Never mind." --Nyder
 Magritte, oil on canvas. Ceci N'est Pas un Genuine Rolex. Non, Honestly. --Nyder
 Tom Jones better get his ass out here soon. Murder She Wrote will be coming on soon, and these panties won't be throwing themselves onto the stage. --Vitriol (trying again.)
 Flight 228, service from Orlando to Topeka, is now boarding passengers loaded down with tourista tchockies no sane person would wear, and passengers in rows 20 to 28. --Some random wacko
 Hey, you wanted to be the minute hat, now turn it to 12:30! --Norm DePlume
 "... and the alarm reminds me to emasculate my husband even when I'm not at home. Hand me the cell phone." --Helder
 Brenda's HMO required her to wait at a bus station until the contractions were two minutes apart. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Diane and Robin synchronized watches, but doomed the entire mission to disasterous failure when they failed to synchronize their hats. --Kal
 The weird sisters from "MacBeth 2000" are just as scary, twice as ornery, and four times as likely to watch "Touched by an Angel". --Timmy!
 Oh, look at my new watch donchaknow Did you bring the microfilm? It's got one of doze compasses with the cute lil hands.. Your payment is in the cadaver to my right Oop! Look at the time.. you have a safe darned trip you! --Necalan
 "...and then - from Noon until Four - you'll be the "Butch" and I'll be the "Femme." --Rodney
 "For the twentieth freakin' time, Alice - No. I don't know how long ago we dropped acid because, as you can clearly see, my watch is crawling with scorpions!!! " --Rodney
 Here we go... it says our clothes are out of fashion by 13 years 57 days and 12 hours. --William Wayne Webb
 The Mustang Ranch has fallen on hard times. --Stan Xhaio
 "OK, the brochure said it'll only take 90 minutes, so we should be outta here by 2:00 PM. And we're under no obligation to buy anything!" - Cthulhu had finally found a way to corral the mindless nonbelieving masses... --rudy
 3:08! Time for you to take my temperature again! --Vitamin Tom
 Gearing up for the 2008 Olympics, the American Synchronized Tourism team check their time after getting all their luggage through customs. --The Mattwolf
 Waiting for Godot II: Let's Give Him Another Half Hour. --Helder (self-salvaging)
 "Yup, first class tickets and handsome gray souvenir caps. All we had to do was proclaim our forbidden love and humiliate our families. I told you, sister-cousin, that Jerry Springer was a class act." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Lori gritted her teeth, she needed the bottle of whiskey in her pocket for the flight, but one more watch story and she was gonna smash it over Susan's head. --Slibs
 "And I'm ovulating... now! Quick, call David Crosby!" --Aaron the Greater
 Rule #6 from Cults For Dummies: Gather followers before predicting the end of the world. --Helder
 "MI6 was selling off all their old stuff...I got this great grappling hook-laser-explosive watch. Okay, you see that guy over there with the cowboy hat...?" --Ravagin
 "They were supposed to fry this bastard at midnight. If there's one more damn 'last minute reprieve from the governor,' I'm getting my money back." --Al Fresco
 "I don't care how nice the watch is," said Alice, "a retirement watch from the yakuza just can't be a good sign." --Norm DePlume
 Look at my new Madonna watch: the big hand's on her tits, and the little hand's on her crotch. --Joe Z
 Sadly, Janet died two days later, still continually pushing the orgasmic stimulation button, ignoring the food pellets in the dish in front of her. Susan could only stare on in jealousy, waiting for her turn in the experiment. --Aaron Bibb
 Things got really bad when Radio Shack's new watches got IRC... --Lots42@aol.com
 The New Timex Lesbaglo: It takes a licking.... and likes it! --Mr. ?
 "No, look, it's easy. You bank left after the second pylon and take out the Tie Bomber bunker, then you can start your attack run on the exhaust port." Sally loved her new iWatch, but the joystick control was a bitch. --Weasel

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