IADL #523
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Scan supplied by Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

 "o/'Liiike a briiiidge over troooubled waaater...o/'-- Hey, come back! Come back! I'll sing 'Cecilia' instead if you want-- aw, damn." --Nyder
 Occasionally, Tommy Moe would relive his days of Olympic glory by pretending he was slaloming through the gates. Some people thought perhaps Tommy had plowed into a few too many trees during his career, but he made cool sound effects. --Weasel
 "Step right up. Try and dunk the Rent-A-Cop. Say, lady, you look like you've got a good arm..." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 "Oooh, big man, eh? Well let's see if you're so tough when your buddy, Mr. Elm Tree, isn't around." --Rodney
 In the European version, you can see their feet. Stupid Puritans. --crispy
 Do you have what it takes to get around a Jersey barrier, a suspended chain, and a wrought iron fence? See your local Marine recruiter to learn valuable skills and earn money for college. --Naily
 Another victim is devoured by the large block of styrofoam in, "It Came From Home Depot!" --A Grouch
 Greetings from the World's Biggest Stick of Butter! Paxatappi, Florida --deadcoil (postcards from the dredge)
 Scene from the Disney Movie, "Frigidaire, Come Home" --deadcoil (A heartwarming tale of an appliance, and the boy who loved him)
 Earl leaned easily against the bollard, taunting the guard. They know I'm gonna get that tree, and there ain't a damned thing they can do about it... --Ladislav the Posthumous
 After the Berlin wall came down, it was getting harder for Jan and Astrid to keep the romance alive. --French Fritz
 Ralph loved pretending he was in jail. He'd rattle his cup on the bars, call passersby "screws", and anally rape himself with branches. Someday, he knew, he'd *really* go to jail. And he was right. --tieboy
 The answer to the eternal question: "Who watches the watchmen?" Earl does. All day. --tieboy
 Stan did his job and did it well, however he knew it was just a matter of time before he too was replaced with a length of chain. --Klack Bros.
 Suddenly, across the White House fence, their eyes met. When it became public, the tale of forbidden love which followed would rock the nation. --Nyder
 Tragically, seconds later, Bob remembered it's the guards at Buckingham Palace that won't do anything when you bother them. --Jenn Dolari
 "What the . . . ?! Those trees weren't there a moment ago! RUN, MAN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!" --Kams
 "You might want to work on that seductive pose, Bob." "What wrong with it?" "Nothing, it's just . . . you look like a twat." --Kams
 It was a bitter custody battle, but eventually the gorillas were allowed to keep the boy who fell into their cage. His dad, however, was granted visitation during normal zoo hours. --Helder
 Okay, we took a left at that guy in #520... passed the gardner in #522.. hey wait! That's the guy from #520 again, but without the coat. Dammit honey, can't you just admit we're lost?? --Necalan
 "...so, yep, it's true. All of the zoo's exhibits of Pokemon have escaped, and now I have to leave the enclosure, and I've... I can't believe I'm saying this... I've gotta... shit... I've gotta catch..." --Darren
 Pedestrians had eventually gotten used to the lunatic who stood, every day, braced between the two poles, claiming that he was "keeping the tectonic plates together!" --Ravagin
 And if you don't let me in there, I'm gonna come back tomorrow with TWO whiteboards insulting the Department of Labor! --Elkman
 I froze as a dark-plumed male appeared, standing proudly over his domain. He was beautiful, this janitor in the mist. --James Howard
 After a few humiliating attempts, Samson decided to practice knocking down smaller pillars first and work up. --Nyder (Shall I salvage Weasel, Davros?)
 As his dependency increased, Doc Evil took to pulling a portable bathtub around with him wherever he went. --Nyder
 Having been separated into his elemental Good and Evil forces by the monolith, Larry's good side took to swinging from chains and giggling at passers-by, while his dark side lurked in the shadows and composed bad poetry. Nobody saw much change, really, except that two Larrys was definitely too many. --Weasel
 Feeding time at the PeanutsLand's Kite-Eating Tree just doesn't draw the crowds that it used to. --Helder
 "Think outside the box" *poof!* --Shilly
 o/'...it's fun to stay at the P-A-R-K...o/' --Les Miserables
 "Mom's good. She asks about you all the time. I'm sorry I missed your last parole hearing. Do you have any idea when the squirrels are going to release you?" --Helder
 Eventually, the last surviving cast member of Diff'rent Strokes was forcefully secluded from society for everyone's protection. --Helder
 "Bert prepares for the dismount... Ohhhhh that pesky chain just severed his legs above the knees!" "That's gotta hurt his style points, Jim." --rudy (salvaging Spunky M. G.)

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