IADL #524
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Scan supplied by Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

 "I don't give a damn what Vinnie told you, if he doesn't cough up the protection money I'm gonna break both of his wings and toss him into an alley full of cats." --Helder
 "Look at the size of that birdbath, Ralphie. We've finally hit the big time, my fine feathered friend." --dALY
 For obvious reasons, the Egyptians preferred to keep the exact nature of the eighth plague quiet. --Nyder
 "No shit. I had a talk with that shrub over there, and it says that when its time comes, it'll cut us in!" --Nyder
 "Another white hair? You've been with that Audobon tramp again, haven't you?" --crispy (props to Gary L.)
 The all-pigeon version of From Here to Eternity was a box-office failure, but one fifteen-second excerpt gained cult status on bestiality websites. --Nyder
 "Next time we have sex, just pretend that I'm Ed Meese." --deadcoil (having a Lard moment)
 "Listen, Vinnie, I put three sacks of seed under the thrash." "All right, man, you'll get your suet cake. Good Nicaraguan stuff, too." "Great. Great. Usual drop-off place?" Yeah. Now get movin'. That cop over there is gettin' suspicious." --Ravagin
 Bill Gates secret weapon: Homing Pigeons with chip-bombs planted up their asses stationed around the DOJ, were foiled by a minor software bug due to be patched in DeathPigeon 2.1 --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 "I'm sorry Sally, but I'm coming out of the closet -- I'm a duck trapped in a pigeon's body." --Helder
 A park, daytime. Two birds minding their own business. A little old lady arrives and starts scattering crumbs for them; they eat. Then another little old lady arrives, then another, then another, then another, until finally the helpless birds are reduced to a bloody pulp under a mountain of stale baked goods. --Excerpt from the proposal for The Little Old Ladies, Alfred Hitchcock, 1961. --Nyder
 The Two of Pigeons, right side up, portends the arrival of renovators to do your house over in a really ugly Eighties-earthtone style. --The Dysfunctional Tarot --Nyder
 Urban terror has a new name. This summer, Universal Studios presents: White Rain. --Spun Clyde
 Roger looked at Fred, Fred looked at Roger. Somewhere, in the distance, a human sang. --Ladislav the Posthumous
 "'Take two hits ', you said. 'We'll enjoy the Phish concert even more', you said." --Rodney
 "You kids have it easy. In my day, I had to fly through a blizzard to crap on a car." --Helder
 Reincarnated as a hunk of polished marble, Tom Lehrer would soon learn that karma's a real bitch. --Coalcracker
 You men are all alike. You never want to stop and ask for directions. Now look where we are. Does this look like the goddamn Mediterranean to you? --LiLi
 The system administrators closed the telnet port on Stan's company server... but he had another trick up his sleeve. Hello please, #spinnwebe! ps Please return pigeon when done. --Stan Xhiao
 "Bread crumbs at a public park for our first date? What kind of a cheap bastard are you?!" --Helder
 Scene from Birds 2: The Downsizing. --Helder
 "It's been tied to my leg since about 1945. 'We surrender. Please not to use atomic death bomb. - Tojo...' Guess I shoulda delivered that one, hunh?" --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Looks like a witch, I said. Nonsense, you said, what would a witch be doing out in the woods, you said. Let's break into her house and mess with her stuff, you said. --Weasel
 Oh, yeah? Well, don't get your hopes up, pal, 'cause when that red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin' along, I'm outta here! --Weasel
 And if all the pigeons should ever leave the reflecting pool, the USA will cease to be. --Yakko
 "Yeah, I could turn you on to some pure, uncut Alka Seltzer. But it'll cost you." --Al Fresco
 "Wheeeeeeeeel, doggies! Those fucking kids just won't speed up, will they Granny?" "Hit the accelerator, Jethro, and knock their asses into the see-ment pond!" --rudy (Granny's been sniffin the moonshine agin!)
 Oh God. I'm sitting here trying to think of captions and suddenly the theme song to "Stop that pigeon" is in my head over and over. It won't go away. I'm screwed. Kill me you bastards, kill me please! --Slibs
 "pssst... tomorrow at six... Bodega Bay... pass it on..." --mutantdog

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