Shiiiit, kids these days! When I was their age I was out drinking Miller beer in then back of Jimmy Soos' Pinto - well, at least until Danny Marcello smacked it in the behind with his Vega. Christ what a fireball. Saw Jim the other day and he still doesn't have any eyebrows. See what fun they're missing? --rudy
"Your company is bleeding $1 million per quarter and has no discernible product or future. If you put the company on the Internet and then launch an IPO, will the profits from selling your stock allow you to buy: (a) a boat, (b) a mansion, (c) a jet, or (d) all of the above?" --Helder
"Social Science Final. Question #100: You're an ethnic female in an inner-city high school being taught by a union-protected teacher who's more interested in her retirement benefits than your education. You can't afford to go to college, and the chances of you finding a job with only your high school diploma are practically non-existent. Why did you even bother finishing this exam?" --Helder
"Look to your right. Look to your left. By graduation day, one of the three of you will be gunned down by your fellow classmates." -- Orientation 2000 --Riff
"WAAA wa waa wan wa. Waan wa wa!" "God," thought Theresa. "I need to stop coming to school stoned." --Spun Clyde
"Who the hell rides trains, anyway?" --Helder
Mr. McMartin knew enlisting his fourth graders in a letter-writing campaign would cost him his job, but he just had to save Family Guy --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
No one bothered Alice since she started wearing her NRA jacket. --Spun Clyde
Nyder's third world Caption sweatshop, hard at work. --Vitriol
Dear Mr. Ford, I think you are the hunkiest ex-President. Do you like the Backstreet Boys? I sure do. So, are you still married? --Coalcracker
New public school policy: Don't Show, Don't Tell. --L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg
...and if you think Bond slept around you should see the number of kids left by Oddjob... --The EXXXorcist ("Goldfinger" was on last night couldn't help myself)
This sucks... when am I ever gonna need to differentiate a second-order binomial in my job as a crackwhore, anyway? -- mutantdog
"We gonna be all right together, ain't we, Tonya? Yeah, we gonna show them, ridin' around, you all grown up and successful, me your proud momma... Who's a cutey-wootey little pencil?" --Captain Howdy (salvaging Helder's admittedly better caption)
It's not fair, thought Jorge. Sally's the focus of this picture, but I'm the one who's getting all the captions about Elian, sexism, Hiroshima... and... oh shit, here comes another paedophile joke... --Nyder
Hey! Look! An Asia Minor! --James Howard
Yeah, it always sucks when they stick you in the seat behind the invisible kid. You can never hide anything from the teacher. Copying off his test paper's a snap, though, so it kinda balances out. --Weasel
How many students would this picture show if it was pan & scan instead of letterboxed?--Question 12B from Stephen Speilberg presents "Academiacs" --Torc.
"J'etre, t'etre, il etre, elle etre...sigh...French Ebonics suck." --Torc.
It's perfect, Lisa thought, all I have to do is nuzzle my empty arms and nobody says a word about missing homework. I should have a miscarriage every semester. --Torc.