IADL #529
(some picture)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

 "Excuse me, but I'm a little disappointed by the amount of rapture I'm experiencing. Is it too late to change my religion?" --Helder
 Six stitches and a blood transfusion later, Jimmy had learned never to tease even a tame shoggoth. --Nyder
 "You are um... healed... I think..." --Nyder
 Jehova's Crips. --Riff
 Elroy stares in shock as his son is filled with the Holy Spirit and begins to speak in tongues! "Louie, Louie. Me gotta go. Me fine little girl, she waits for me. Me sail the ship across the sea..." Sadly, none can understand what he is saying. --Weasel
 "Hey, how was I supposed to know that Vulcan nerve pinches really worked?" --Helder
 "Eat his flesh and drink his blood? How many people did you say were in this cult?" --Spun Clyde
 "Wow! A vision of the Virgin Mary. Nice tits." --Spun Clyde
 "Prepare the way of the Lord, for his time has passed and He's running a little late ... but He'll be here just as soon as He takes care of a few family obligations and we better be damn ready." --Helder
 Sheesh! How many times can you summon the unholy giant head of Mary Kate Olsen before you get Cthulhu to appear correctly? --Mr. ?
 Behold Christian! Watch as I make the Ace of Clubs appear in my hand! Where is your God now in the face of my power?! --slibs
 No way, man, Jesus is at least this fly. --Phat Cheops
 Psychic surgery is nothing, this boy's about to perform a psychic prostate exam! --Niagra Fails
 "I'm a little Holy Grail, short and stout ..." --Helder
 This picture was taken when Joe first got into Christian Gangsta Rap. A year later he'd be dead -- the victim of a drive-by crucifixion. --ice-bear
 "Okay! So, you are like, *so* incredibly healed right now!" --RIZZZ
 With the groundbreaking Vatican III accord, all priests' uniforms were henceforth supplied by Structure. --RIZZZ
 Every February 12th at 2:17pm, devout worshippers from three counties would gather in St. Swithin's Catholic Church to see the ghostly appartition of Blessed Carl, the Martyred Busboy. --Brettt Maverick
 "The power of Christ compels you. Or not. Whatever." --Helder
 In the Church of the Immaculate High-stick, occasionally you get body-checked into the plexiglass window on your way to confessional. --Weasel
 "Yes, well, is Pikachu going to be any comfort to you as you burn for all eternity in the lake of fire? I didn't think so. Now, give me that devil-toy." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 "It is written in the Bible, 'woe to the sinful child for they shall be bitch-slapped.' I think its in Hezekiah. One of those chapters people don't read too much." --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 "Thou shalt neither breakdance nor Macarena nor perform any other faddish dances in the house of the Lord nor on the dancefloor nor in thy heart, lest ye shall be cast out as a sinner and a wanker." Seventh Commandment from the Updated King James Bible for Hip, Young Christians of the New Millenium. --dALY
 "Who's blissfull?/ I'm Blissfull/ Want Enlighment?/ Well I got a fistfull/ Bust'n out koans like a bad-ass Bodhistava/ Beat'n down punks who playa hate the Dalai Lama/ I go fasta/ Cause I'm the Zen Masta/ Look at these monks and I just gotta laugh/ Got my speakers turned up cruisn' down the Eight-Fold Path" - For some reason Buddhist rap never caught on --Under An Assumed Name
 Huh-huh-huh... "Tithe!" --Doc Evil
 Jesus touched his heart. Jesus touched his soul. And, while standing there enraptured, 'Bob' filched his wallet. --Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier
 Not-So-Great Moments in Yo-Yo History: Martin Duncan does the first perfect Walking the Dog, interrupting Pastor Fritz' sermon on idleness. --Orrin Bloquy
 Several Sundays later, someone finally told the Eastgate Methodist Church that the only thing their new sign-language interpreter had been signing was the "I Wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner" song. --Spunky Misunderstood Genius
 Important safety tip: never offer to high-five a midget; they'll bitch-slap you in the nuts every time. --Weasel
 "...and then a thought occured to me...maybe Holy Water CAN'T grow a finger back..." --The EXXXorcist (one more try)
 Whoa...the new Collection box anti-theft system really works... --The EXXXorcist
 Yes I, Miss Davidson the kindly eighty year old organ player, was really Dirk Snidley in disguise! And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you rotten kids! --Mr. ?
 "And God said 'The first of my plagues will be the Backstreet Boys.'" --Assumed Name
 "Pew!" --NormDePlume
 ...however, due to editing complications "Frodo Baggins: Pope Of The Rings" was never published --The EXXXorcist

Back to the IADL Archive index
Back to It's A Dysfunctional Life